


Four Square

by syredronning



Series: Draws [10]
Category: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Kinky, M/M, Multi, Physical Disability, Polyamory, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-08
Updated: 2010-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:38:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 61,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syredronning/pseuds/syredronning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: King, Queen, Ace and Knight play a game, and everyone tries to keep everyone else in the court, because one player leaving might end it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Square

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the wonderful beta and helpful comments go to orphica, cupidandpsycho and especially merisunshine36! All remaining flaws are solely mine.  
> This story is dedicated to the many people who kept cheerleading me through the endless writing. I hope you enjoy the ride!

Text message from Lt. Cmd. Leonard H. McCoy, Enterprise to Adm. Pike, SF HQ, Earth

_Hey Chris,_

_Sorry for not staying much in contact lately, we've been incredibly busy getting everything ready before our departure in direction of Earth, which will be in eighty-three hours. You probably won't hear a lot during the voyage either but we should make planet-fall the day before the ceremony. _

_Looking so much forward to seeing you on Wednesday (damn, it's been a while since I used weekdays!). _

_Love, _

_Leonard and Jim_

*

_Text message from Adm. Pike, SF HQ, Earth to Lt.Cmd. Leonard H. McCoy, Enterprise_

_My wonderful lovers,_

_Thanks for the heads-up. I'm looking forward to having you here too. Call me when you're through re-entry customs, I'll have a beam transfer arranged. _

_Bon voyage and Godspeed, _

_Chris_

*

Text message from Adm. Pike, SF HQ, Earth to Cadet Dael, Saturn Station

_Dael,_

_I hope you arrived safely. I know Advanced Flight II takes all energy from everyone involved, so if you don't manage to send a note, I'll understand. _

_Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and miss you. The apartment is damn empty without you. _

_Good luck and take care. You'll pass, I've got no doubt about it. _

_Love, _

_Christopher_

*

The first weekend Dael is away, everything feels quite normal. He's used to being on his own for two days, enjoying the freedom it gives him — aside from the tiny moments of _goddamn moping_ he's starting to experience, but he's good at keeping them under control.

It's when nobody comes in on Sunday afternoon that the thought solidifies that she's _away_ and he's got to spend two weeks all on his own, before all three of them at once will hit his apartment.

After a lonely hand job on Monday morning, he settles in his office at the admiralty and writes up a list of things he'd have to do before they arrive.

From Wednesday on, both the aspect of being alone (no fun; he really got used to having someone to come home to) as well as the aspect of freedom (great) are intensified.

It's been months since he's lived so egoistical, following his entertainment and food whims, any funny craving that comes along. He goes out to eat at the Italian restaurant that had once been his favorite; the owner had changed while he'd been in rehab but the waiter recognizes him, and the food is still very good. He hits a few new clubs with the great excuse that he needs to check out possible places to show to his men. He gets back to working past midnight and maybe having a cheeseburger at two o'clock in the morning, and if the sleep deprivation makes him a little worse for the wear on some mornings, it's still fun and his own decision.

It's not as if Dael actively imposes plans on him, but there's no way around it — living together with someone means adjusting timetables, sometimes going to bed although you might not be tired, watching vids although you'd rather do something else. Staying home on the couch although the body would prefer a round in the gym, or leaving the office earlier than sensible to spend more time with the lover. Being alone has the benefit of freedom at the cost of other creature comforts.

Like very hot sex in the morning, Pike thinks on weekend number two, when the come dries on his hand. For a while, he's just lying there, staring at the ceiling and trying to pin-point the emotion that makes him feel strange and unsatisfied, until he recognizes it — loneliness.

_Hello and good-bye, old foe, no time to settle in because in a week, you'll all be gone again. _

When he gets up for a shower, he's determinedly not thinking about the possible results if their foursome arrangement wouldn't stand the reality test.

Time to start cleaning the apartment.

*

Recording from Cadet Dael, Saturn Station to Adm. Pike, SF HQ, Earth

_I'm sorry I didn't send a message earlier but the class is just as bad as its reputation. _

Dael's recording starts out of the blue, without an address, and she'd taken it in an almost dark room so that she's mostly a shadow against some singular, low lights in the background. Her voice makes Pike miss her so much that it physically hurts, a sudden ache of longing that reminds him of chats with the doc.

_We've been in battle simulation for eight days now with barely any sleep. One cadet dropped out on day five and decided to leave the 'fleet. I wonder if it is necessary that Advanced Flight II is quite that harsh, but I leave that to the wisdom of our commanding officers. _

Her voice is flat, expressionless. The words were possibly meant to be ironic but they come across as accusing instead. He knows that she counts him among these officers, and they'd had similar discussions already, about other classes that seemed unnecessarily challenging to her.

Pike had defended the need to prepare the cadets for any possible situation; it's his absolute conviction that only the best should be in space, and there were only so many ways to filter out those who wouldn't meet the requirements for the demanding duty as an officer in the 'fleet. Admittedly, though, he's begun to see the academy a little more from a cadet's point of view through her, and maybe even more important, from the view of a cadet that is not in the top ten percent of the year. His past protégés may have had adjustment problems but there'd never been a question of "good enough", only the question if they'd be thrown out for insubordination and disobeying orders before they'd make the first step towards their promising career. He'd spend his time with honing their personality, not their marks.

With Dael it's been different; she'd been in danger of dropping out due to failed classes when Nogura had recommended her into his care. She'd worked her way out of that into a comfortable position in the middle field before they got together, and now… now he has no clue where she stands. She doesn't share and he doesn't ask. He's determined not to interfere with her academy career. Last thing any of them needs would be an accusation of favoritism.

_I got killed this afternoon. I think everyone got shot already at least once. It's strange to die even though it's only a simulation — it feels rather real when they shut down all your systems and all is black and silent in the sensory deprivation. To think that just one second of carelessness is the end. It probably should make me feel more vulnerable but it actually has the reverse effect. It makes me brasher. I wonder if that's what the course is for on the first hand. Face your worst fears and then just move on. _

There's a pause, and Pike involuntarily tenses as he sees her eyes wandering away from the cam.

_Remember the bad marks I got in the space jump class in my first year? I almost failed because I always pulled the chute too early? There's a story in it. In the very first jump, I pulled too late. In fact, Commander Mendelson had to and then shouted at me for five minutes. I pulled too late because I loved the free fall and I started to wonder if I had a reason to stop. Back then I didn't find one. I guess I'm glad that today I'd have a reason to pull the chute. Not sure how this class would end otherwise. _

There's another pause, and the longing ache Pike had felt in the beginning had been substituted by a different emotion — a concern so intense that his hands curl to fists. In a vaguely shaking motion, she hangs her head before looking up again, her lips curling into something pretending to be a smile.

_I'm sorry, Christopher. I'm really tired and frustrated and I've never done such a recording before. I probably shouldn't send it but then I'd send nothing. I know that you often feel that I'm holding back my thoughts too much, so I thought this might be the time to start sharing. It's only five days until I'm back, and then they will be there too and we won't have the time to sit down and talk. I hate this course and the instructors. If I had had it last year, I would've dropped out. But I've changed and I'm going to see it through. So don't worry. I'll be fine. No need to send me an answer, I barely made the time to record this and they're already waiting for me for the next mission. Take care. _

She waves, before the recording ends abruptly.

With a groan Pike rubs his forehead. There's such a thing as over sharing, what the hell. She really needs a lesson in "things you do not dump into your lover's lap without giving him the chance to talk about it".

_Shit. _

It takes an hour until the tight knot of concern in his stomach loosens a little. He's rather sure there's no acute danger for her physical or mental well-being despite her obviously working on the edge of her endurance, but the chute story does little to make him feel at ease. Sometimes he wonders if he is strong enough to handle her issues and right now he doesn't feel he manages all that well.

As asked for, he doesn't send a reply, but he's filing the subject away for an in-depth talk between them — after the visit of the _Enterprise_ men.

*

There's that cliché about long, depressing five o'clock Sunday afternoons and despite trying his best to stay clear of that, the feeling catches up with Pike over his empty apartment. He attempts to escape by going to visit Barnett in the hospital but it's like jumping into the frying pan; Barnett's wife is there and speaks at length with him about the rapid decline that has lately set in, unburdening her soul a little. He's known Suzanne Barnett for decades, and while they've never been really close, Pike gives her the time and room to vent her pain while Barnett is sleeping like he does most of the time now. The man is running out of life energy so fast that it's almost visible, and Pike has taken to visit him once a week by now.

Suzanne's voice is like rain, pouring depression and a sense of fatalism over Pike. He can sympathize to a degree but he hasn't lost anyone really close in a long time, so the depth of her sadness and mourning is out of his reach. He holds her cold hand while he nods at the right moments, at times conveying some more or less helpful sentiments on a situation that none of them can change.

Well, maybe one man could, but Pike had never heard back from Spock, not one little life sign. It might mean the Vulcan is dead, though Pike likes to think he's in the loop well enough that he'd be informed of that, one way or the other. It might just as well mean that his message never reached Spock at all — or Spock's answer might have gone lost, for the matter. There are so many reasons why there might not have been an answer, but Pike suspects that the truth simply is that Spock doesn't want to share yet another piece of information, and he can't help being a little angry about that, pointless as it is.

"Thank you," Suzanne says at last, releasing his hand. "It really helped a lot talking to you, Chris."

"You're welcome," he says and means it. He's still damn glad to be out of the hospital soon afterwards, and when he hits the _Casablanca_ bar he gives in to his unbelievably intense craving for a hard drink. He sips at it sitting at the same table where he'd been talking to Raol back then, Dael's brother who'd killed himself not long after that, and wonders what his morbid subconscious wants to tell him today.

An hour later, he tackles the bathroom cleaning, single-mindedly scrubbing every corner until he breaks down in exhaustion.

*

It's Tuesday morning and before office hours when his secretary knocks at his door, announcing he's got a visitor in form of Doctor Anumanchi waiting for him outside and wanting to know whether he's got time to see her.

"Sure," Pike says a little surprised and gets up to meet her. "Good morning doctor, what brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"This," Anumanchi states and pushes a PADD into his hands, showing lots of diagrams with various curves. "Do you want to die, sir?" she then asks, her short figure appearing to be twice the size from the sheer energy she's radiating this morning.

"Excuse me?" Pike frowns at the PADD.

"Answer me. Do you want to die?" Her dark eyes corner him, making him feel like a boy in front of authorities.

"Not if I can help it," Pike says defensively.

"Good. I was thinking you're actively working on committing suicide," she states sarcastically. "I don't know what's going on since ten days, but these curves –" she waves at the PADD – "tell me that your sleep schedule is shit, your meal intake is irregular and your exhaustion level is considerable. Your mood is rather sober, with little spikes of depression. Basically, all your stats are way below the ideal, and if you keep that up, you will end in the neural stabilizer or worse soon. Do you want that?"

"No," Pike says stiffly. "I'm sorry that I didn't follow my routines as I should have. I've been alone for two weeks but that will end on Thursday when Jim and Leonard will come to Earth."

"What about your cadet?"

"She's on a flight course on Saturn for two weeks, she'll be back on Thursday too."

"Good." Anumanchi shakes her head. "Next time she's away, you should book a nursing service because it's clear that you need someone to look after you. You even missed your weekly appointment at the hospital, which is really unlike you."

Pike frowns. In a way, his lifestyle is really not Anumanchi's business but on the other hand, she's his doctor and damn good at it, so it's her right to call him on his bullshit — a right he only grants her and the doc.

"There's an application we've developed that routinely informs patients about their own status and displays alerts when any of the curves are below a critical threshold," Anumanchi says. "I didn't suggest it so far because it's something for elderly patients that have a hard time to keep a schedule; I thought a Starfleet Admiral would find the necessary discipline in himself. But now I'd recommend it to you."

Pike sighs. "Send me the link and I'll take care of it." After already wearing the glorified medical version of an electronic bracelet, he'd now add electronic lifestyle supervision for demented patients to his life.

_Just great. Next level is probably getting chained up in SFM. _

"Good." She eyes his desk, frowning at the cup on top of it. "Coffee? You know that —"

"Doctor, I'll do almost anything you ask of me but we've been through that before. I cannot function without coffee and I don't want to live without coffee." Pike looks down at her, willing to defend this one left-over obsession to great lengths. "In fact, the machine on this floor is the best in the building thanks to me. Do you want one too?" he asks, trying to divert her mind from his health status. "They've got fresh bagels in the cafeteria this morning, we could have breakfast together."

Anumanchi keeps frowning for a moment but then gives in with a little sigh. "I'm only staying to make sure you'll start this day in shape." She strips out of her coat before taking place on the couch. "Can't have you kill yourself before Leonard has a chance to read you the riot act."

They have breakfast together, comfortably sitting side by side. Pike has never really seen her dressed in civvies before like she is today, in jeans and a blouse. She's a good-looking woman, with just a touch of Indian folklore in her outfit and in the way she wears her pitch-black hair. He knows that she's incredibly bright, not just when it comes to medicine, but he doesn't know anything about her life outside of her job. With rapt attention, he listens to her analysis of McCoy's work of the last few years, explaining some of the highly specialized papers to him.

"I asked Leonard about one or the other but he seemed unable to explain them in the small words I would have needed," Pike admits.

"We all have our pet research fields where we hang on every detail to an inch of our life," Anumanchi says. "And that makes it hard to use small words, which necessarily draw a very sketchy graph of the real problems." She looks a lot more relaxed now that she's had a chocolate chip bagel and a cup of cappuccino, leaning back on the couch with a satiated smile on her lips.

When he shows her to the door at last, having quietly skipped a morning meeting for her, he says, "It's been nice having breakfast with you. I'd like to have that again, sometime in the future – as long as that doesn't violate any doctor-patient relationship ethics," he adds quickly as she wrinkles her nose.

"No," she says after a moment, "breakfast together doesn't violate anything." He doesn't ask what would, isn't sure himself if he's having second thoughts outside of the chance to spend some time with an interesting person. Anumanchi has the great advantage of knowing so much about him that he doesn't have to tiptoe around his relationships or his health, two major discussion blockers with other people, and talking to her is easy and relaxing.

"You were right about the coffee, Admiral," Anumanchi says. "It's just too good to give up."

"Please, call me Chris," Pike says.

She's looking at him with thoughtful eyes for another moment before taking his offered hand. "Fine. I'm Naaz. And if you keep ignoring my medical advice, I'm going to step down as your primary physician. Have a good day, Chris. I guess we'll see each other at Leonard's ceremony."

He knows she's not joking with her threat.

*

Text message from Cadet Dael, Saturn Station to Adm. Pike, SF HQ, Earth

_My return will be delayed for a day, so I won't be able to make it to the ceremony. ETA Friday morning._

_Sorry for that._

_Dael_

*

Pike looks this gift horse in the mouth, so he checks to find that there's been indeed an official rescheduling due to one training mission having to be repeated. What a play of fate, but he's not complaining. While he wants all his lovers to meet and get along, the idea of having his men all to himself for some more hours is a prospect that makes his heart leap.

On his PADD, the MedApp alerts him that he's one liter behind on fluid intake and really, it makes him wish he were sub enough to eroticize that particular brand of D/s game.

*

Text message from Adm. Pike, SF HQ, Earth to Cadet Dael, Saturn Station

_Dael,_

_Change in schedule noted. Don't worry, all will be fine. Looking forward to having you back here._

_Love,_

_Christopher_

*

"You've always been a little obsessive in your neatness, but don't you think you're overdoing it right now?" Nat says, leaning against the kitchen corner and brushing over the shining, spotless surface with one hand. She'd shown up as surprise visitor on this Wednesday afternoon, the first day of his vacation, a palm tree in her hands and a bottle of alcohol-free booze in her bag. Pike doesn't have the heart to tell her that having anything with Synthehol only makes him crave real ethanol a lot more.

"The whole apartment looks as if you want to rent it out tomorrow. It's not just clean. It's… how should I say… impersonal. As if nobody's living here." She brushes some hair out of her face; he doesn't know how she does it, but she's looking younger every time he sees her lately. Her husband has to be one hell of a caretaker or must have a fountain of youth in the backyard. Pike decides he'll ask her for details soon, but not today.

"Trust me, there are enough signs of life here," he replies while scrubbing the sink with polisher. The kitchen is the last target of his cleaning crusade on this Wednesday afternoon; all else he'd tackled over the last evenings already. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see his PADD flashing with yet another warning. He'd skipped lunch, yeah, but this app makes him feel like a tiger forced to yield to an animal trainer's whip. He fucking hates that thing and is extremely compelled to shut it down again.

Nat shakes her head, drawing a circle on the brilliantly sparkling tiles with one foot. "What do you think you'll be doing? Eating from the floor?"

That question makes him stop and smirk. "Well —"

"All right, I don't want to know." Nat laughs. "How's Dael?"

"Busy on Saturn," Pike says, focusing back onto the sink. "Will be back by Friday." Hearing Dael's name brings up a flood of emotions: the way he misses her, a little more with each new day; the concern that festers since listening to her recording; the fear that whatever is going to happen over the next days would be more than she — or any of them — could handle. It all makes him wish Nat hadn't asked.

"Hmm." Nat curls her forehead in thoughts. "How are Jim and Leonard?"

"Fine. They should be on Earth any second now, and I've arranged to get them beamed right here after they're through the control check." There's the tell-tale chirp on his PADD, and Pike's head jerks up. "In fact, that might well be them," he says as he hurries to read the message, but soon frowns.

"Anything wrong?" Nat asks concerned after a moment.

"They're running late. Technical problems with their last ship. They'll just make it in time for the ceremony tomorrow." Pike doesn't hide his profound disappointment.

"Didn't you have two evenings together?" Nat says. "So you still have one left with them."

"Yes, sure, but it's not the same. The doc will be busy with the ceremony, so we won't have time for getting reacquainted the way I had anticipated. Ah well, nothing to be done about it." Pike puts the PADD away.

"How about dinner together?" his friend offers. "Once you're done with your kitchen."

"I'd like to, but I've got to go shopping," Pike says. "We're running out of food; the fridge hasn't been that empty for years."

"Okay." Nat seems a little disappointed but not really surprised at his decline. "Guess I'll leave you to your preparations then." She leaves for the city and he tackles the last kitchen corner until the room is just as neat and clean as all of them.

Okay, Pike recedes after a critical gaze at the corridor when he walks to the bedroom for changing, maybe Nat is right and the apartment is a little antiseptic and lifeless right now. He can't really explain why it's so important for him to be so thorough in his tidying — he assumes that it's about the apartment being new, and that he wants it to shine in all its spacious glory.

The bedroom is just as clean as the rest, the bedding changed, everything stored away in the closets. The night stands are empty, the books that had been piling on them carried back to Dael's room where they belong. It's just a practical consideration; they'd need the space for lube and toys and whatever.

Like his water bottle, Pike remembers with an inward sigh. He sits down to drink half of it, then falls back onto the mattress. He's a little tired and maybe it's good that they won't be here until tomorrow. But he'd had plans — his dick had plans, damn. He's hard and needy but he won't use his own hand today; he wants it to be good when they are on Earth, so his dick can wait another day. No use in overexerting his declining libido.

He forces himself up again for a shower and then hurries off to shop.

*

His route is determined by the shopping list that hangs on the fridge in good, old-fashioned paper form, which he'd scanned and put on his PADD for his tour today.

Actually, a part of him keeps referring to it as _Dael's_ shopping list, but his mood always turns a little sour over that aspect. While she may have a certain caretaker function in his life, he doesn't want her to be his housekeeper. But it's a fact that he often can't make it in time while the smaller shops are still open, so it leaves the task to her and her more flexible schedule.

Consequently he doesn't know half the places on the list although they're all within walking distance, but he's got suddenly free time on his hand and therefore decides to make the big tour, from a four-level grocery store for the standard food to tiny, two-room stores that sell rare food, spices and herbal teas from various Federation worlds.

In the end, he arranges to get most of the goods delivered to his apartment, but still ends with two bags in hands. He thoroughly regrets not having taken the car, but is too close to home already to warrant a cab. As the last stopover, he walks into a rather hidden shop only one corner away from his apartment block.

"Good afternoon, sir. What can I help you with?" the middle-aged man behind the counter asks him.

"I'd like to buy _rhlliene_." Pike isn't sure whether his pronunciation is correct, given that his Romulan is still terribly rusty, so he's not surprised when the man raises a brow at him.

"You know, that Romulan spice —"

"Sure I know," the man says. "It's just incredibly rare that someone asks for it, and I only have a small amount here that is already put away for a regular customer."

"Let me guess — the customer's name is Dael?" Pike offers.

"Yes!" The man's mouth draws into a surprised grin.

"I'm actually shopping in her stead, so I think she'd be delighted to hear that you put the spice aside just for her."

"Oh, she knows," the man says, his voice a little muffled as he bends over to pick the spice from behind the counter. "She's a good girl, a friend of my daughter."

"Is she?" Pike says neutrally.

"Yes. See, she's just coming in," the man says and points at the door. Somehow Pike isn't surprised when he recognizes the cadet he'd once met when they'd both waited for Dael coming out of a test — Caitleen Barnes. She's accompanied by another girl that Pike also vaguely associates with the academy. They're both relaxed and out of uniform, in summer dresses almost too thin for the current temperature.

The girls stop dead on track as they recognize the man in front of the counter and hastily straighten and salute him.

"At ease, cadets," Pike says lightly and adds with a wave of his hand towards his bags, "I'm just on a shopping spree."

He's amused at the slight disbelief on their faces; he knows what a culture shock it is to realize that even high-ranking officers have a fridge that needs to get filled.

"I see, you already know each other," the man behind the counter says. "Barnes is my name, sir, and without Dael my daughter probably wouldn't have made it through the entry tests." He gives the small package over to Pike. "Are you Dael's uncle or something?"

The question hits Pike out of the blue. "Or something," he replies after a moment, seeing Caitleen's eyes widening over her father's inquiry. It's obvious that the man doesn't know anything about Dael's background, and that the girls are not inclined to inform him.

"Fine," Barnes replies, but where there's been open friendliness before, there's now something else in the man's eyes, a guarded thoughtfulness with a hint of suspicion. "Give her my regards. Looking forward to seeing her soon again."

"Thanks Mister Barnes, I'll let her know." He leaves the shop, making it halfway to his apartment block when Caitleen catches up with him.

"Sir –" she says a little breathlessly. "Thank you."

Pike puts down the bags, glad to be relieved of their weight for a moment. "What does he know about Dael?"

Caitleen shakes her head. "Nothing, really. He only knows she's a friend of mine. He keeps asking where she lives since she keeps coming to our shop regularly now which would be quite a ride from her dorm. But he stopped asking about her background once I indicated some tragic family history. He doesn't know her tattoos or any relationship details. I doubt he'd be able to handle the truth. It's not as if I'm out with him."

"Ah." Pike had mostly thought about Dael and himself, not realizing that Caitleen might not even have talked to her father about her interest in women.

_She's so goddamn young_. The thought hits him much like the old Barnes' question, because it's so fucking obvious on the one hand, and so pointless on the other hand.

Sweet Caitleen Barnes with her female curves and currently shoulder-long hair, her cherry-red lips flanked by rosy cheeks, her open gaze and cheerful attitude embodies everything the word _girl_ encompasses to him, and he'd as likely consider her for a relationship as he'd consider… he's not sure, a Klingon maybe.

But when he thinks of Dael, who for most people would fall into the same category, there's no such thought; she's got nothing of that youthful, carefree attitude, no curves, no cherry lips. When he sees Dael, he doesn't think of spring flowers, but of brown and yellow corn fields under an alien moon. She's on a completely different level of _mature_. It's been forced upon her by her past, chasing away the carefree girl that might have existed once. He feels sorry that she's been robbed of that option, but he's still glad that he's got Dael in his life the way she is now, because he could have only fallen in love with that version of her.

"Well, I won't tell him anything," Pike says at last, focusing back on the cadet.

"Thank you, sir. Have a good day." Caitleen starts walking back into the direction of the shop, and Pike picks up the bags to march home.

It takes a while until the other goods are delivered and all are stored away, and the second he sits down on the couch for a rest he falls asleep in exhaustion. He wakes up on the next morning to the first sunrays coming in through the windows and alerts blinking on his PADD like disco lights, indicating that he's severely ignored his physical well-being once again.

With the deep feeling of satisfaction, he shuts the application off — just for the next days, he tells himself, and if anything went wrong, he'd have a doctor at hand — and hurries to shower, buzzing from anticipation of seeing his men in just a few hours.

*

At last they are down on Earth, in the city and then at SFM, their movements trailed by text messages on his PADD. When Pike is walking over, knowing that he'll be seeing them in a second, his steps unconsciously slow until he's almost hesitating in front of the building's main door. Other officers pass him with a salute, and he nods, suddenly tense. How would it be, after all the things that have happened in the meantime? Had they only pretended to be fine with Dael, and now every unspoken problem would see the light of day? And knowing what the two officers had gone through over the badly failed Aranka mission, would they still be the same, with each other and with him?

_Only one way to find out._ Pike mentally kicks himself and walks through the door. He spots them instantly; as often they are in the center of attention, though this time it's the doc who's the hero of the day, several people in medical uniforms gathering around him, shaking hands and clapping shoulders. Both men look gorgeous in their dress uniforms, medical blue and command gold in a perfect color combination.

Pike can see Kirk's mouth forming a "_Chris is here_", and the doc's head snaps around. With barely the expected politeness McCoy frees himself from his colleagues. Pike holds his breath as they walk over to him in long steps. There's a fraction of a second, once they are face to face, in which nobody moves – then McCoy throws all Starfleet protocol to the wind, laces one hand around the back of Pike's head and pulls him into a kiss that's neither chaste nor brief. It takes Pike by surprise but he's too weak in his knees to stop his lover from making a _fucking show_ in front of half the academy and the admiralty.

"Doc, please —" he mutters as McCoy gives him some room again, and is glad that Kirk only pulls him into a more audience-compatible hug.

"Well," McCoy says and clears his throat. "Guess I should be sorry but — ah damn. Talk to you later." He turns on his heel and marches away to greet the just appearing Surgeon General.

"What was that?" Pike roughly says under his breath to Kirk. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see several people staring at them, among them Caitleen, Dael's friend. _Just great. Isn't she engineering track? _

"He's just extremely happy to see you alive and walking, what's so wrong about that?" Kirk asks a little challengingly.

"It's been months since —"

Kirk frowns at him. "Hate to remind you, but you were clinically dead for three minutes and then in coma for days, which gave us all the fucking creeps. So give him some leeway in being a little bit more emotional than you're used from him."

People start strolling into the main auditorium and they slowly follow, keeping away from others as far as possible — which isn't far enough, given that Pike can still see Anumanchi looking at them with a curious gaze. They're really on display here. "I'm sorry for the trouble," Pike says stiffly, "but it's not as if it's been my choice."

"Maybe if you'd taken the problem more seriously —"

"There wasn't a problem at that time," Pike states. "Really, Jim, I was on the lookout but there wasn't a problem at all since you left. I was working a lot and drinking very little, Nat's wedding set aside and nothing unusual happened there. My brain did fine. I know I never should've taken Dael to ride with me but I thought… ah fuck."

"You had a bunch of feelings you didn't deal with, and you wanted to spend time with her by sharing something you love." Kirk looks at him strangely. "You never asked us to ride with you."

"Our vacation was full was it was," Pike says, getting a little exasperated. "Jim — please. I don't want to argue with you." He had thought they were good about the past. Obviously, he'd misread that — he would never have expected to get this lecture right here from Kirk, of all people.

"I know." Kirk sighs. "Sorry, Chris, but it's been a shit time with you in intensive care, and I couldn't help feeling angry a little because I kept thinking that it's been all unnecessary." He looks at him. "And maybe I was a little jealous because Bones has never quite fallen apart like that over me."

"When you're on his table, he's too busy to fall apart. I was far away and in the care of others, which left him with little to do." Pike steers them around one convenient column, and they stop in its shadow.

"I know. Just — couldn't help my thoughts." Kirk looks away. "I tried to cheer everyone up although a part of me was illogically sure you'd die. I hated the thought but it caught me and wouldn't let go and I started thinking of how little time we've really spent together and…" He jerkily wipes one hand over his mouth. "Fuck. I didn't even want to say all this. I know it's stupid —"

Shoving all ideas of appropriate behavior aside — not that it matters much anymore after McCoy's blatant display of affection — Pike pulls his lover into a hug. "No, it's okay. I'm sorry, Jim. I'm so sorry for all of this shit. I wish I could change it."

"Don't be silly," Kirk says muffled against his shoulder. "It's not your fault that you had to board his ship."

"And you got me out of it, Jim. Without you, I would have been dead."

"At least you wouldn't have to deal with your health problems now."

Pike roughly grabs Kirk's chin, forcing his lover's blue eyes to meet his. "Don't ever even _think_ that I'd rather be dead than being here. I was damn fortunate so far, I intend to remain that. You brought me back and yeah, there have been times when I hated having such a long way to recovery. But I never once thought you should've left me onboard the Narada, not once. It was a terrible place, and the thought of dying without knowing what was happening to any of you was terrible. Or thinking of Nero making good on his threat to take me to Romulus with him as some kind of exhibit." Pike feels his stomach churn over the thought.

"Didn't happen," Kirk says quietly, hands stroking over Pike's back. "I got you. Got you back. Won't let go."

"You don't have to, Jim. Never." Pike holds him a little longer, then says, "Let's go inside or we'll be too late, and that would be a shame."

"Yes." Kirk pulls away, stretching his shoulders and straightening his back. "I'm so happy that Bones is receiving this award. He so fucking earned it. I really hope this vacation will do him some good, he's not been in a great mood lately."

It's rather obvious that Kirk's mood isn't all that good either, but that's something they'd deal with later. "It will. Let's go." They walk into the large hall and take their designated places next to each other in the front row, Pike well aware of the gazes of the audience.

"We've come together today to decorate one of our finest officers…" the Surgeon General starts, and hushed silence settles over the auditorium.

Seeing the doc's concentrated, glowing face, Pike can't help thinking that if he wasn't in head over heels already, he'd surely be now.

*

As foreseen by Pike, McCoy and Kirk are mostly occupied once they move on to the official reception afterwards, McCoy remaining the focus of attention. Pike himself exchanges some pleasantries with colleagues, although he doesn't know too many of the attending officers due to his rare contact with Starfleet Medical. After a long round through the room, he settles in a corner on one of the few chairs and takes an offered glass of champagne from a waitress.

"Admiral Pike!" someone calls for him, and he turns to face Doctor Boyce. He almost doesn't recognize the man, although he'd been his CMO on a two-year-mission a decade ago – the doctor's formerly white hair is colored brown, and the clothes are unusually fashionable. Seems everyone is on a de-aging trip lately.

"No need to get official, Philip," Pike says as he takes the doctor's hand in a firm shake. "Good to see you. Must have missed you during the ceremony."

"No, I just arrived half an hour ago," Boyce says and pulls a chair close to him. "Been on a mission to Tellar for the last two years."

"At least you're here long enough to have gotten a martini," Pike states with a smirk at the doctor's drink.

Boyce twinkles. "Well, a man has to have priorities."

"I'm sure McCoy will understand," Pike agrees amused.

"Guess so. Heard a lot about the guy, but never met him in person before." Boyce takes a sip from his drink. "As opposed to you, I've heard."

"Did you?" Pike replies, his mood instantly cooling.

"I've got my sources." Boyce shrugs. "I apologize if I stepped on your toes, Chris. I was happy about the news. You've been too much of a lone tiger; it's been good to learn you've found somebody. Even when it seems to be complicated, but everyone can do easy, right?"

"Possibly." Pike doesn't manage to lighten his frosty tone, but his eyes automatically stray towards his lovers, who are talking to others in two different corners of the room.

"Anyway, I'll have to talk to McCoy later, congratulate him. I've also spotted Naaz – didn't know she's back to work with Starfleet. I've really been out of the loop."

"Hmm?" Pike focuses back on Boyce. "Did she work for SFM before?"

"Of course. She left the service after the death of her husband," Boyce says, conveying it like a piece of common news.

"I didn't even know she'd ever been married. When did he die?"

Boyce stares at him as if he'd talked Klingon. "2258, of course. He was the acting CMO of the _USS Truman_. Harold Hines." Registering Pike's total surprise, the doctor shakes his head incredulously. "You really didn't know – and here I thought she's your current physician."

"She is," Pike says, barely able to find his voice. "She just never said a word about it."

"And you never had a look at her file." Boyce snorts. "Wouldn't have happened if she'd been one of your crew."

Pike nods, feeling strange. "No."

"Well, well, we're all getting older, right?" Boyce downs the martini. "I've got to make the rounds, talk to a few people. See you later. Or in case we don't meet again tonight, we should have a drink together soon. I'll be on Earth for the next few months."

"Yes, we could do that," Pike says absent-mindedly. Something just rings wrong here; of course, Anumanchi doesn't have to share her life story with him, but that she's never once spoken about the fact that her husband had been killed in the battle over Vulcan is weird.

When he spots her close to his position a little later, he waves her over. She nods at some colleagues on her way but keeps walking to him, taking a seat next to him. "Having a good party, Admiral?"

"It's Chris," Pike says.

"Yes, right, Chris." Anumanchi searches his eyes, noticing his tenseness. "Anything wrong?"

"Maybe," Pike says. "I just learned that your husband died on the _Truman_."

Her gaze is instantly guarded. "Yes."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

She frowns. "Why should I?"

"Maybe because we've got something in common here. Some shared history."

"Shared history, yes. Something in common — no," she says bluntly. "After his death, I left the service for two reasons. First, because I thought Starfleet and the Federation had badly failed when investigating the Kelvin case, taking the appearance and disappearance of such a deadly enemy much too light-heartedly. Second, because I couldn't help feeling betrayed by fate, getting angry whenever I met someone from the _Enterprise_. I kept asking myself why they survived, when Harold and so many others died. It's not been logical but that's how I felt for years, angry and resentful."

"McCoy had been there too."

"I know, and trust me, when I met him in a research project, I was just as resentful towards him as to anyone else. But he got under my skin." Her eyes drift down to her drink.

"What about me?" Pike asks directly.

She looks at him with veiled eyes. "When Leonard asked me whether I'd take over your case, I told him I'd consider it. Later I decided it wouldn't work for me."

"What made you change your mind?"

"Getting your dying body beamed right onto my examination table?" She smiles a little. "In that moment, you've become both my patient and one of my most interesting cases. Too late to say no."

"Glad to hear that," Pike says automatically, still chewing over her words. He takes in her sight, as if seeing her on yet another level. He doesn't know if McCoy had anything with her in the past, but he can imagine it; she would be his type. It makes his mind move along the tangent how it might have been with Anumanchi instead of Dael in their foursome. Anumanchi as a potential partner hadn't registered on his radar in the past, but today he sees her with different eyes, sees an intriguing, intelligent, professional woman of a better fitting age that would easily hold her own in a relationship with them.

The strange idea shatters to a thousand pieces when a tall man approaches them, placing his hand on her shoulder. Anumanchi turns towards the newcomer with a smile. "Admiral – my second husband, Doctor Hyatt. Jan, this is Admiral Pike, one of my patients."

The men shake hands. "I've heard about you, Admiral. Quite an interesting case," Hyatt says.

Pike feels his shoulders tensing on being called a _case_ once more. "Glad to be of help. You don't get too many victims of Centaurian slugs on Earth, I bet," he replies coolly.

"That's not what I meant," the man says confused.

Anumanchi shakes her head. "Come on, let's go." She nods towards Pike. "Have a good vacation, sir."

They walk away through the thinning reception crowd.

"A penny for your thoughts," Kirk says as he loudly drops down on the chair next to him, taking Pike by surprise.

"Just wondering…"

Kirk follows his gaze towards Anumanchi's figure that just vanishes through the door.

"Did they…?" Pike asks despite having already decided that it's definitely not his business.

"Frankly, I don't know," Kirk says. "And if I did, I still couldn't tell you," he adds apologizing. "It's Bones' business, you should ask him if you want to know details. We've long agreed that none of us outs the other."

Pike doesn't tell Kirk that he'd heard different things, namely that McCoy had talked about Pike while in bed with another woman, something that promptly had been relayed back to him at Nat's wedding. But it wouldn't change the fact that keeping their relationship under the cover turns out to be quite impossible, and he should've known that from day one, considering that they're working in the same organization, even moving in the same circles.

"Relax, Chris," Kirk says softly and strokes his shoulder. "This is supposed to be a party, and in a few hours, we'll all be at home and _together_." There are a thousand possibilities swinging in the word, and Pike forces a smile on his face that turns into a real one when McCoy joins them. They get up from their chairs to greet him.

"A few of my old colleagues finagled the SG into opening the top floor for a party." McCoy says, face flushed from probably a few drinks and many well-deserved compliments. "I really need to attend for a while. Do you want to join in?"

"I'd rather not," Kirk says and wrinkles his nose. "Medical jokes are only amusing for that long…"

Pike nods. "How about this — you enjoy your party, while I take Jim out for a drink, and you give us a call when you're ready? Take as long as you need. It's your celebration, you really ought to enjoy it."

"If you say so. You're sure you'll be fine?" McCoy looks between them. "I could see you lagging behind before the ceremony, what did you talk about?"

"Just needed to get reacquainted a little," Kirk says lightly. "Out of full sight of everyone."

"Yeah, I know, that wasn't proper," McCoy admits. "Sorry for that, Chris."

"It's all fine, doc." Pike nudges his lover's hand. "Have fun and see you later." He leans forward, his lips close to the doc's ear. "Looking forward to get my hands all over you," Pike whispers and brushes his knuckles over McCoy's groin.

"Dammit man, that's unfair," McCoy growls, but it comes out as a rather pleading sound.

"Just revenge." Pike twinkles, and leaves with Kirk, helping him to fetch the couple's bags on the way out.

*

The second they step out of the building, Pike can see the exhaustion that Kirk had firmly hidden all through the reception settling back on his lover's face.

"What do you want to do?" Pike asks. He's been waiting for so long to see them, indulged in a thousand wild fantasies, but right now he only wants to do Kirk something good, in any way possible. "We could go home straight away, if you're tired."

"I'm damn tired, but I really could use a little chill time in your club. If you don't mind." Kirk gives Pike a gaze from under long lashes.

"Not at all." They make a brief detour to Pike's office to change into civilian nightlife attire, Pike in dark grey, Kirk all in black, then take a cab to the club. It's still relatively empty; it's not that late yet and most people come in after midnight. Pike's business partner Ole is behind the bar, giving Kirk an appreciating gaze when he serves their drinks. A few guests look their way, some of the regulars greeting Pike, but nobody forces them into talking. They take their drinks and walk into the depths of the club, settling down on the couch in a rather dark corner of the largest playroom.

"Lay down," Pike says and motions Kirk flat on his back with his head in Pike's lap and his boots hanging over the armrest to the left.

"Why?" Kirk says when he's settled comfortably, the drink safely deposited on a nearby table.

"I only want you to relax." Pike brushes his fingers through Kirk's hair with a smile. It takes only minutes until the tension and tiredness in Kirk's body starts to diminish, his lids falling closed and his face's creases slightly easing.

"It's so good to be here," Kirk says with a deep sigh after a long time of silence, his eyes opening a little. "We're so ready for a time-out. The travel was hell; jumping from one ship to the other, and on every single one, we had to join the captain's table, tell some stories, listen to other people's stories. Bones had to give feedback on every sickbay, and usually one or two strange medical cases. Even he was fed up after half the journey, and you know how readily he usually jumps to help everyone."

Pike hums in acknowledgment, his hands caressing down Kirk's neck and down to the chest.

"And then we had a brief stop in Pluto Major for meeting Wang Meng and his daughter." At Pike's questioning gaze, Kirk adds, "He's the widower of Doctor Mei, she was on Bones' team. Had only joined us for her obligatory three months on a ship, before she wanted to serve in the 'fleet hospital on Pluto." Kirk lifts a hand to his face, rubbing his forehead. "Parents just don't belong into space. Really, they don't."

Pike caresses the taut stomach with his fingertips. He's sympathizing with Kirk's assessment; it's been his major motivation to get Esteban and the _Lexington_ back to Earth sooner than planned. On the other hand, if they took all parents off the ships, there wouldn't be many crewmembers left. The crews are often rather young, and it's a basic human desire to procreate. Remembering an internal report that had lately crossed his desk, which included a different approach to the parenting question, Pike says, "They're thinking about allowing Starfleet members to bring their families onboard, especially for longer missions."

"Families?" Kirk glares at him, and Pike instantly regrets bringing up the theme. "Not on my ship, as long as I'm in charge," the captain says sharply. "It's bad enough to lose people who knew what they signed up for, but children who didn't choose to live like that – no way. Don't tell me you're in favor of that."

"Frankly, as someone without children, I don't feel qualified to have an opinion on the matter."

"Would you have wanted to grow up on a space ship? Far away from your beloved horses and your desert?"

"Maybe," Pike says but admittedly can't imagine it; not the least because his parents had hated the idea of space exploration, an ungodly endeavor. "I don't know."

"And one day, the captain would walk into your quarters and explain to you just why your father or mother won't return to you again?"

Pike shrugs. "People die on Earth too."

"Not like that," Kirk whispers harshly, and Pike knows exactly what he means — not in the many unusual, brutal, _messy_ ways you could die in space. As if the method of dying really made a difference.

Pike keeps stroking the prone man's chest. He's a little at loss how to veer Kirk's unusually brooding thoughts – and his own, obviously — away from any dangerous themes, and at last settles with reaching down between Kirk's legs, nudging the tight pants against the soft package underneath.

"Chris, I'm not really in the mood…" Kirk mutters, but when Pike whispers, "trust me," Kirk gives in.

"You're here for relaxing," Pike says and tenderly caresses his face. "You're safe, the doc is safe, everyone is safe right now. Close your eyes and enjoy the atmosphere." The playroom has started to fill over the last minutes, people settling into their plays. There is a group of three at the sling in one corner, and another couple at the St Andrews' cross against the opposite wall, a few voyeurs lingering at the sides. "Listen to their sounds. Smell the leather."

"And the come," Kirk adds, and his lips draw into a faint smile.

"They're not that far yet, but I guess it lingers," Pike admits amused.

"Sodom and Gomorrah."

"Hope so." Pike undoes Kirk's zipper, slipping his hand underneath the underwear. Kirk's breath hitches as he finds and cradles the half-hard erection, running his fingers over it down to the balls.

"You're not half as dirty as you pretend," Kirk challenges him.

"I can be a lot dirtier than you ever got to know, but it's never been the right time for it." Pike's hand closes around Kirk's dick, forming a tight tube. At the cross, a whip is taken to work, its sharp, stinging slaps setting the rhythm for Pike's speed. Kirk audibly inhales with every move, straining his body against Pike's. His legs fall further apart, the right knee hanging over the side of the couch by now.

"What dirty things would you like do to me?" Kirk asks breathlessly. "Tell me."

"I think first I'd strip and handcuff you, put you on a leash and show you around. Let people see what a hot guy I captured. Stroke your dick until you're hard, then put on a cock ring to keep you from coming before I want you to."

"Hmmm."

"Get you in the sling and tie you up, then fist you open. I'd love to get all my fingers into you, spread you wide enough to take two hands, all loose and wet."

Kirk bites his lower lip but comments, "That's not very dirty."

"All loose and ready," Pike repeats, "then I bring on a Vulcan stallion to ride you. Ever seen how well-hung they are? And they last forever, if they want to."

"Okay, that is dirty." Kirk laughs a little.

"He'd push his dick into your lovely mouth as foreplay, until he's all hard and leaking, then he'd fuck you until you come just from the ride."

"You like watching me getting fucked, huh? Watched me and Bones often enough."

"I got into the watching through you," Pike admits. "It's damn hot, no matter who's on top. But we're on the question of dirty…" His hand on Kirk's dick picks up speed.

"Maybe you'd rather I beat you up and kick you around until you're on the floor with a bloody face, and then I'd press the sole of my boot against your mouth and order you to lick it?"

Kirk's dick twitches in his grip, accompanied by an audible groan.

"You'd like that, yes? All the adrenaline and the sweat and the blood." Pike fists harder. "My boot's heel in your mouth, and your tongue working all over it until it's clean. Ah, I'd love to watch the watchers, how they start palming their own dicks on that lovely image. Whip them out and jerk off while you're doing your dirty work."

Kirk whimpers, his hips harshly gyrating upwards.

"And then I'd open my pants and get out my own dick and piss all over you, on your crotch and into your open mouth, making you drink it."

"Oh fuck." Kirk arches, and it only takes two more strokes until he comes hard and messy into Pike's hand and the stretched underwear.

"Wouldn't have thought you're into that kind of dirty," Pike says amused, wiping his hand on some dry fabric before pulling away.

"Ditto." Kirk slacks, trying to steady his breathing. "You'd be up for that for real?"

Pike smirks. "Maybe."

"I might get back to you." Kirk sighs, curling a little to the side. "Though we should keep that out of Bones' sight."

"No kidding." Pike pats Kirk's groin.

"See who's there, the ever-invisible Admiral Pike and his pet captain," someone states overly loudly, and Pike's head jerks up to meet the blood-shot eyes of John Farnham. His friend is obviously too drunk for his own good, or at least Pike hopes that is the explanation for this damn annoying behavior.

"The man who never plays in public," Farnham states slurred. "What happened to your usual reservation? Grew some balls at last, or only borrowed them from your officers? Pretend not to know me anymore now, do you? Been here for an hour, and you just don't seem to notice."

"I really didn't see you," Pike states coolly, putting a hand on Kirk's tensing body to keep him from getting up. "So calm down and let me introduce you —"

"As if anyone needs an introduction to the hero of the federation, Captain James T. Kirk," Farnham says with a sneer. "You're quite the couple. Does he get a piece of your ass or do you only top? Not that it matters, considering Kirk's reputation as the 'fleet's biggest slut —"

"John!" Pike inhales sharply, biting back his anger because otherwise he'd get up and punch his friend in the face which would only lead to unnecessary problems on top of whatever actual problem Farnham might have, considering that he'd never seen him that drunk before. "This club works by matter of respect. You insult a guest — you're insulting me. And that's enough. You better leave now." He really doesn't want to deal with such a confrontation right now, and considering Farnham's state, his friend wouldn't be able to join a serious discussion anyway.

"Huh — you're throwing me out?" Farnham says.

"Yes. Get out of here, John."

"After all the time. Decades, man —"

"Not enough to let you insult my partner. Get out of here and don't come back until you get a grip on yourself." Pike strengthens his hold on Kirk, not wanting a further escalation. Bad enough that most of the play going on in the room has already stopped.

"Do I have to call the doorman, John? I will, you know." Pike is relieved when Mario, one of the club's dungeon masters, shows up, carefully approaching Farnham.

"Hey, John," Mario hushes, pulling at Farnham's arm. "Come on, man, let's get out."

"You'll regret this, Chris," Farnham almost shouts.

"Keep threatening me in front of witnesses, and you'll get your job handed to you," Pike states icily, tilting his head to the gathered crowd. "Because I doubt your bosses would like to hear that you completely lose your senses when drunk."

"Go to hell, you bastard," Farnham growls, but at last gives in to Mario's insistent pull and walks away.

Pike whips out his communicator to call the doorkeeper. "John's coming your way to leave the club. Make sure that he does so without a fight, and put him on the black list for a month." When he closes the connection, Kirk sits up and stares at him wide-eyed.

"I thought John was your friend. What happened?"

"That's a really good question," Pike replies.

"John's been in a bad mood all week," one of the bystanders says. "Most think it's got something to do with Eric, seems they have broken up. But might as well be something else."

"Thanks for telling me," Pike replies to the man. He's sorry to hear that Farnham's relationship ended but it's not quite excuse enough for the uproar his friend had caused tonight.

Slowly, the plays resume and the men around them leave.

"John sounded jealous," Kirk states quietly when they are alone again.

"I guess he is," Pike says. "I thought John and I were just friends with benefits but he wanted more. He tried his hardest to get me into a relationship with him but I got together with Dael instead." He knows that Farnham hasn't really reconciled himself to Dael's existence, but he'd never have expected such a scene from him.

"Phew. Sore loser," Kirk says, shaking his head. "Guess I'm glad he didn't make it. Not sure we would've gotten along."

"Probably not." Pike frowns a little. With John, it would never have been a true foursome; John would probably have gone on a trip while the Enterprise men would have been on Earth, and would later have half ignored their existence, half tried to top his invisible competitors. It would've been nothing like with Dael in the mix, which might be a little complicated over the next days until everyone would find their new comfortable position in the cloverleaf, but it would surely work out.

His communicator quietly hums in his pocket, and he takes it out to accept McCoy's call, the confrontation with Farnham instantly pushed out of his focus.

"Doc, you're done? We're in the club, Jim in my lap. He's all ready for another round together with you, one way or another." Pike smirks at Kirk's instantly rekindled interest.

On the other end of the line, though, McCoy isn't quite in the same mood.

"No problem, we can finish here and collect you." Pike's gaze holds Kirk's. "Of course you can ride home, but I moved and you don't have a key for the new apartment yet. So you may have to wait for us for a few minutes…. Good." Pike closes the comm.

"We'll meet him at home. Let's go," he says. Kirk nods.

Ten minutes later, they're on their way.

*

When they arrive at Pike's new apartment, McCoy isn't there yet, so Pike shows Kirk around. "Kitchen, living room… main bedroom."

"Quite a change from your tiny apartment to this palace, Chris." Kirk whistles he sees the gigantic bed. "I see, you've upgraded the playground." His eyes sweep through the room. "Both dioramas," he notes with a smile.

"Of course." Pike opens the bathroom door. "Feel free to use everything. Towels are in the cabinet." He leads Kirk to the next room. There's only Pike's old, still queen-sized bed inside and one cupboard, plus a bunch of fake flowers Pike had felt to be necessary for stylish reasons.

"This is yours."

"Huh?"

"For you and the doc. There isn't a lot of furniture yet and all of it is old but I thought we'd go ordering something new now that you're here to choose for yourself."

Kirk's jaw drops. "You've got to be kidding. You can't just block a complete room of your apartment for us."

"I only moved into this palace, as you call it, because I wanted to have room for you," Pike states.

"I thought Dael…"

"Her existence motivated me to move in at last, but I made the purchase long before she became a part of the equation." Pike waves his hand. "So yeah, this is your room and I hope you consider this your base on Earth."

"Damn, Chris, I hate it when you turn me to mush," Kirk mutters roughly and draws one arm around Pike's hip. "I can't speak for Bones but I love it. Didn't have a place besides the _Enterprise_ to call home for a long time." With a small laugh, he shakes his head. "Still think you should use it as a guest room when we're not here. It's really too nice to stay empty all the time."

"We'll see." Pike had never been one to play host within his own walls and he has little intention to start doing so now except for the three people close to his heart. "Come on, there's more to see. That's Dael's room." Pike points at the next, ajar door. "Ask her if you want a tour." Kirk nods.

"And that's the terrace," Pike says as he shows him outside. "I don't come out here often but I love the view."

"Yeah, breathtaking," Kirk agrees. "This is a fabulous apartment, Chris. I'm almost envious — if it weren't for having been offered a room in it." They kiss, body pressed against body.

"Gorgeous," Kirk mutters when he can speak again. Pike chuckles. "Me or the apartment?"

"Both." Kirk's hands are firmly around Pike's ass, nudging his muscles through the tight jeans. Pike takes an answering hold on Kirk's.

"Damn, I could just…" Pike whispers, but then there's the door bell and Kirk pulls away. "We already had all evening – now it's Bones' turn." They walk inside. "Have fun," Kirk says with a twinkle and starts to move to the _Jim&amp;Bones_ bedroom. Pike instantly shakes his head. "In there," he orders and points towards the main bedroom. "No discussion," he adds as Kirk looks like he wants to argue.

"Yes, sir," Kirk relents and picks their bags up from the corridor floor. "See you later." The bedroom door is firmly closed just as the door bell rings for a second time.

Pike straightens a little, then goes to open the main door.

"Did I interrupt anything?" McCoy says as he walks into the apartment. "Damn, I'm tired." He tears his dress jacket open. Pike watches the movement, placing McCoy into the _slightly inebriated but still able to walk upright and have sex_ category. "And my feet hurt. God knows why there's never one fucking chair at a party." Pike nods amused and follows the doc's lead in removing his boots.

"Where's Jim?"

"Went to bed."

"Ah." McCoy gives him a critical gaze.

"Just giving us some space." Pike catches McCoy's hand, pulling him close. "Missed you so much," he murmurs and kisses him. It's almost chaste for a moment, before Pike pushes his tongue against the doc's closed lips that instantly open in a wet welcome. Once the dam is broken, there's no holding back, and when they part to breathe, they're both damn hard.

It's called mouth-fucking for a reason.

"You want a tour?" Pike says, slipping his fingers under McCoy's silken shirt to rub circles into the surprisingly soft skin.

"Could wait till tomorrow," McCoy murmurs.

"Then let me show you to the living room," Pike says and walks him towards it, one arm around the doc's shoulder.

"Whoa, what a difference from your old apartment," McCoy says in awe. "But I remember the couch."

"Fondly, I hope," Pike replies. "It sure remembers you."

He can see McCoy's eyes skitter over the shots of Dael, the only decoration related to her outside her room to have survived Pike's cleaning frenzy, but McCoy doesn't ask and Pike doesn't feel like saying anything about them. Instead, he slips one hand into the doc's hair, guiding his lover into another kiss. How he'd missed having this man in his arms – those broad shoulders, powerful arms and muscular hips. Taking all of the sturdy body into a tight embrace without fearing he'd crush anything, while two fine hands run over his own skin in an answering touch, carefully contained strength in every caress.

"Want something to drink?" Pike says eternities later, when he ruefully remembers the basic rules of hospitality.

"If you insist —" McCoy says, with his forehead leaning against Pike's, eyes closed, "I could do with a glass of water."

They walk into the kitchen together, joined at the hips. Their shirts had gone off somehow, Pike can't actually remember when, but it gives McCoy lots of room to roam his hands over Pike's body, embracing him from behind to tug at his nipples when he pours a glass of water at the sink. Pike invitingly pushes back with his hips, registering the hard bulge against his ass but not wanting to do anything about it yet. There's so much pleasure in just touching and kissing right now, Pike has no desire to shortcut to orgasm. Instead, he puts down the glass and reaches behind to run his fingers down McCoy's hips, pulling him a little closer.

"You're so beautiful… so hot," McCoy's voice rasps in his ear. "Missed you so much. Thought you'd die."

"I didn't," Pike says simply and turns around to capture McCoy's mouth, stealing the air for any further statements that might ruin the moment. He doesn't want to talk, only wants to feel, wallow in his man's smell and touch and the soft moans between them. His hands cradle the doc's face, trying to ease away the lines of worry that had developed over the last months, many tiny signs of how much the man cares about him. He'd never wanted to cause anyone heartbreak, and yet he does now at times, simply by who he is and what he's gone through. While his lovers had known that from the first second on — _hell_, had been there and saved him — they still hadn't signed up to suffer through his ongoing shit. It should've remained just a love story, not turn into something large and heavy and possibly painful.

He sighs into McCoy's mouth, close to speaking his mind, but now it's the doc's turn to silence him, a demanding tongue pushing between his lips and taking over, sweeping his moody thoughts out of his brain. They somehow make it back to the living-room, lying down face to face on the broad seating of the couch, and Pike stops over-thinking, his senses full of the man in his arms. For a long time, they keep it almost chastely above the belt, but then at last they rock against each other, palming their straining erections through the fabric as they'd never made it out of their pants. It's slow and almost painful but also absurdly erotic. Their lips are a raw by now from all their kissing and licking, their tongues entangled in another wordless dance of desire as they tumble along to a joined release, needy and shaken from the long build-up of their foreplay.

When Pike suddenly feels his orgasm spiking, _at last_ and still much too early, he only manages a breathed "going to come" before the waves crush over him, going on for unbelievably long until his body goes slack and he sinks against the cushions in relief. In his arms, the doc is just as heavily breathing, their still touching bulges going soft between them. Wetness soaks through the material to meet Pike's palm, and he gives it another nudge before he pulls up his hand, drawing his lover in a satiated, deep kiss.

When he releases him, McCoy looks at him with a strange expression.

"Anything wrong?" Pike asks, stroking through McCoy's hair in an hypnotic pattern.

"You've changed," McCoy says after another long moment of silence.

"Care to elaborate?"

"You're gentler. Going slower."

"You're complaining?"

"No." McCoy tightens his hold, keeping their bodies close together. "Just noticing."

Pike doesn't say that it's probably got to do with all the first times he's going through with Dael, uncharted territories of another gender, another body form and size, and a history that might offer some pitfalls. It's easy to hold back when he's with Dael because it's the only way it works, and now he's obviously managed to adapt his newfound pacing to the doc's needs.

"Hope you liked it," he replies instead with his fingers still in McCoy's wild hair. _Here's to spiky_, he thinks to himself with a smile as he pulls some of the wisps upwards, and wonders how McCoy would look with that and a three-day beard. They really should try that in this vacation.

McCoy yawns. "How about moving to wherever you want us to sleep?"

"Sure." Pike unlaces from his lover and gets up, reaching out for him to follow. They quietly move into the bedroom, and McCoy gives it an appreciating once-over in the low light. The bed is surprisingly crowded by Kirk who's sprawled out on his back in all four directions as if he'd just crashed-landed in it, a soft snoring in the air. After quietly getting out of their soiled pants that land side by side on a nearby arm chair, they nudge their third into giving them some space before they curl into bed, Pike in the middle. He feels bathed in warmth, embraced by love, and it's exactly what he had hoped and yearned for. Now they just have to make that possible with all four.

Should be easy, Pike thinks in his happily exhausted haze, and drifts into sleep with his body sandwiched between Kirk's clean-shaven chest and McCoy's body, one arm around his waist and his lover's breathing cool breezes on his heated skin.

*

The next morning, they're all still laced together in the gorgeous bed that had been ordered with exactly this image in Pike's mind. He's wide awake, engaging in his favorite hobby of the last weeks — watching sleeping lovers. Only this time, there's a sudden edge of unease in the mix, anticipation and concern building as the moment when Dael should join them draws closer. After her last message that had proclaimed her delay, he hadn't heard anything from her, so she should hopefully be here soon. Focusing on the sounds in his apartment, he's got to wait for another twenty minutes until the tiny sound of the outer door lock breaks the silence, and Pike instinctively turns his gaze towards the bedroom door. It opens a little farther as Dael looks in, waving and pointing towards her room. He nods and draws out of the arms that hold him, following her as quickly and quietly as possible.

"Hey," Pike says as he walks into her room, adding a "Come here" as he sees her tiny hesitation. "Missed you," he whispers as she's in his arms, and kisses her thoroughly. She looks tired and exhausted, the tattoos sharp against her white face, her blue flight suit rumpled as if she'd slept in it for two weeks, which might not be far from the truth in that class. When he breaks the kiss, he laces one hand into her hair, messing it up a little more than it already is while looking at her with a smile.

"Really?" she asks quietly.

"Really. This apartment is terribly quiet without you." He runs his hand over her cheek, meeting her eyes fully. "You okay? I was concerned about you." _Concerned_ is an understatement, but he doesn't want to talk about her strange recording right now, not when she only has a few days to get acquainted with his men.

She nods, her gaze still more serious than he'd like to see. "How was your evening?"

"Awesome. They're looking forward to meeting you."

"I am too. But I really need to take a shower first, it's been a long trip." Dael withdraws, but he snatches her hand.

"Let's shower together."

"It's a bit small for two —" she says with a wave at the small, never used bathroom that belongs to her room.

"We'll take the shower in _our_ shower," Pike says pointedly. "As we always do."

"We'll wake them up."

"They'll survive." He pulls her close once more for another kiss, determined to ease her mind. There's no fucking way he'd allow her feeling like a third — or forth — wheel.

They slip into the main bathroom via the second, rarely used door that leads into the corridor, and shower together. She's got some fresh bruises on her body, the typical triangular patterns caused by belts tightening during flight maneuvers on the edge of a shuttle's capabilities. He caresses each of them as he soaps her, trying his best to massage the stress of the last two weeks out of her tense body. No wonder all Advanced Flight classes are followed by a mandatory week of rest. As his fingers stroke over her groin, he's looking at her questioningly but she shakes her head, so his fingers move further down her legs before he rinses her with a rain-like stream of water.

"I'm really quite done," she mutters as he rubs her dry.

"You want to sleep first?"

She shakes her head. "I doubt I could. I really want to get to know them now."

"You will." Pike hangs up the towels. "Let's see…" He cautiously opens the bedroom door. "They're already up, guess they're in the kitchen. Let's get dressed and join them."

Without thinking, Dael slips into the loose pants and an even looser shirt she often wears at home. After a gaze into the mirror, though, she strips with furrowed brows and gets into a pair of black jeans and a black tee instead.

"It's fine," Pike says soothingly, his hands on her shoulder as she stares into the mirror again, looking quite ready to change into yet something else.

She frowns a little, but stops messing with the clothes and moves on to style her hair, which doesn't take long but she's on it with more concentration than usual, lips pressed together.

Pike only brushes through his hair with his fingers, watching it drying into curls.

"You look fine," he says once more. It's amusing to see her so self-conscious but it's also making him a little nervous. "Let's go."

They pad through the corridor side by side. His heart in his throat, Pike opens the kitchen door. Kirk and McCoy are sitting perched on the edge of their stools around the prepared breakfast table, getting up as they walk into the kitchen together. They're dressed in slacks, with bed hair but alert gazes.

"This is Dael — Jim, Leonard."

Kirk makes a step forward, about to capture her right hand — and then stops right in the movement, taking a sharp breath.

"Whoa, last time I was that close to such a pattern," he says roughly, staring at her features, "it was to one of Nero's man who was about to kill me. Haven't thought about it since forever… damn."

"I'm sorry," Dael states and turns away.

"No — no, Dael, this isn't about you," Kirk gasps and captures her arm, pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry. It just came all back to me." He buries his face in her neck until she gives in and hugs him back. "So glad to finally meet you. So glad." Voice almost breaking, he holds her close for a while, his hug releasing and tightening like a pulsing heart.

"Get off the poor girl and give her a chance to breathe," McCoy says and eases Dael out of the embrace. "Dael – I'm so happy to meet you." He hugs her briefly, gentle but a lot more distant than Kirk, then releases her back into Pike's open arm. Pike puts one protective hand on her stomach. He's annoyed with Jim — it's not as if her tattoos should be a goddamn surprise to him.

"Let's have breakfast," he says controlled and leads Dael to her chair. Once she sits, he moves over to the coffee machine.

"You already helped yourself?" he asks his men, and they both nod. "Dael, want a coffee?"

"Sure."

He prepares a cup for her, medium strength with one spoon of sugar, and gives it to her. Then he sets out to make a cup for himself, taking his time to give the three a moment to acclimate without him. Kirk asks her about the flight class, a question she quickly diverts, clearly not inclined to talk about it. So Kirk fills the void himself with his own memories of Advanced Flight II, illustrating his colorful anecdotes with large gestures. The stories are funny enough to make everyone laugh, remarkably easing the tension in the room.

Time to sit down. 

The cup in his hands, Pike makes exactly three steps from the sideboard towards his seat before his right knee gives in. The moment he goes down on it, he realizes two things: first, that he has forgotten to put on his knee protectors, and second, that with four people in the kitchen, he hasn't walked along the safe path and now crashes into the kitchen counter with his right elbow before hitting the floor. The cup flies out of his grip, the hot coffee splashing over the floor and the lower, closed cupboards.

"Shit," he groans, curling into a ball of pain. He faintly hears his name being called, and then someone tries to help him up.

"Wait a second," Pike says and shakes off the untimely and unwelcome grip on his upper arm, taking a few deep breathes. When he's ready, he takes Dael's offered hand and gets up.

"You're okay?" she asks quietly, and he just nods.

"What the hell was that?" Kirk asks wide-eyed, while McCoy proficiently cleans the floor.

"That was one of the blackouts I told you about," Pike says short-spoken. "Just what I learned to live with."

"I remember, you told Bones — but seeing it happening is quite another thing," Kirk mutters.

"Yes, it is." Pike moves his limbs a little — _shit_, it really hurts. "I've got to get my protectors." Despite his _no thanks_ regarding any help, Kirk insists on coming with him to the bedroom, silently watching him putting on the knee protectors.

"How often does it happen?" Kirk asks quietly.

"Not very often, but in irregular intervals," Pike states. There's a throbbing pain in his elbow and he's just considering to ask the doc when the man walks into the room.

"Need any help?" McCoy asks, his medikit already in hand. Pike is relieved when Dael comes in with the doc and gets Kirk to leave with her; he really didn't want to cause a damn fuss this morning.

"The knee seems so be okay, but my elbow hurts like hell," Pike admits. McCoy quickly checks the joint, applying a hypo against the pain and then a regen scanner.

"How often?" McCoy asks when the other two are out the door.

"Once every two weeks, roughly."

"That's quite a handicap."

"Usually, I'm prepared for it. It's been a while since I forgot my protectors."

"You're planning your life around it? Avoiding situations where it could happen?"

"Sure."

McCoy gives him a sidewards glance. "Does Naaz know the full extent of the problem?"

"Mostly." Pike shrugs. "But she hadn't been able to find the reason yet. Remember, no quick fix? Except for this problem, I've recovered well — only eighteen percent below my past mobility."

"You'd be better off with minus twenty-five but no blackouts," McCoy says, "and you know that." He takes another scan of Pike, this time of his head. "I'd recommend a continuous scan, two days at least."

"I've got no time for that." Pike critically eyes the scanner. "I'd really prefer not have that right now. Can we spend the vacation without you making me feel like your patient?" He gets up from the bed, taking in the state of his knee.

"Still the same stubborn man," McCoy says, shaking his head as he closes the scanner. He gets between Pike and the door, putting his hand on Pike's shoulder. "I'll always take medical care of you when you need it. But I promise not to push the topic. For now." He reaches up and draws his thumb over Pike's lower lip, and Pike captures the hand and opens his mouth to draw in the finger, sucking at it.

"Damn…" McCoy murmurs and fucks his mouth with his thumb, then roughly pushes Pike back against the nearby wall and grinds their groins together. "The things you do to me," the doc mutters, and Pike smiles breathlessly around the finger between his lips, catching it lightly with his teeth. When McCoy pulls it out with a groan, Pike pats the doc's enlarged bulge. "Just wanted to change your mind to more interesting things, doc," he says. "Let's go back to the others." He passes McCoy, who hurriedly follows him.

"You bastard," the doc states as they walk back into the kitchen.

Pike tries not to notice how close Dael and Jim sit. He's prepared for _it_ to happen and is relieved that Kirk's first strange reaction didn't seem to cause any repercussion on their relationship. No way he's going to apply double standards – she'd always known and accepted that he's got not one but two lovers, and it's absolutely her right to have lovers too. Actually, it should make things a lot easier if they share those lovers.

It will still hurt. 

When he sits down, Dael gives him a small smile and gets up to make him a cup of coffee. Pike is surprised about how much he suddenly dislikes the servile look of the action, although she's done the same for him so often already. When she places down the cup, he captures her hand for a moment. "Thanks," he says, and it's not just for the coffee. She nods and squeezes his hand before drawing away.

"Better?" Kirk asks concerned.

"Yes," Pike replies shortly.

"Good."

A somewhat uncomfortable silence settles over the table until McCoy suddenly starts rambling on about their endless trip to Earth and the flying death traps they've been on, his voice filling the void until they're ready to speak about their plans for the day.

*

Kirk wins with the Mojave, and Pike doesn't resist, too aware of how his men obviously feel they're missing out on his life because he's never been there with them before.

Pike takes it like a good sport, throwing Kirk the key to his car and taking the back seat together with the doc, but he draws a line at visiting the former farm of his parents, and is damn glad when Tom doesn't have time for them either. It leaves them on the road for now, aiming for one of the tourist resorts where they could walk a few miles into the desert.

"You sure that's a good idea?" McCoy grumbles as they watch Kirk abusing the car, testing its limits.

"I hope so," Pike replies. He sits behind Kirk, which is good because he doesn't see most of the captain's driving activities, but he can see Dael instead, and seeing her smile at Kirk is causing a lot of strange feelings inside of him, before he pulls himself together, berating his ego for being so jealous. It's not as if her smiles should be a rationed quantity; if anything, anyone who could make her smile should be good in his book.

He focuses on the man at his side. McCoy just leans back into the seat, hiding a large yawn behind his hand. "Sorry, I feel a little hung-over."

"I can see that," Pike states amused and pats the doc's knee. Then his mind returns to the reception and especially Anumanchi. He knows he's too curious for his own good, but he really wants to know. "Doc — may I ask you a question?"

"Sure," McCoy says.

"Did you sleep with Naaz?"

After a stunned second, McCoy shakes his head with a grin and a traitorous blush. "You sure get points for being direct."

"So that's a yes?"

McCoy nods. "Yes, we did once. We met via a research project, which started off with a four day conference, and she seemed to hate me from the start for no obvious reason. I got really curious as to the why, so I made it my business to find out. We ended in bed in the last night… guess it had something therapeutic. She'd been so stuck in her resentments, and I really wanted to break down that wall — and there's nothing better than good sex for that." The blush deepens a little, as McCoy curls his lips. "She married a while later, dropped me a note when she did. We kept in contact over our work, but didn't have sex again." He eyes Pike. "Must sound weird, huh?"

"Not at all," Pike says, and bites down all funny remarks about healing sex. Which makes him suddenly wonder… "Did our relationship start as a therapeutic intervention too?"

McCoy looks at him with an unreadable gaze, not replying right away. "If anything," he says at last, "it's been therapeutic for myself."

Pike doesn't find a good answer to that, so instead of words, he reaches out to draw McCoy into a kiss that quickly escalates into something more.

When the car suddenly stops, they quickly pull apart. "Haven't made out in a car since forever," McCoy says huskily as he sorts his clothes.

"Same here," Pike mutters and restores his own proper look, trying to shake off the vague, guilty conscience for having made out like teenagers, although none of the other two seem to mind. They all get out of the car into plain sunlight, putting on caps and sun glasses. McCoy shoulders the back pack with water and some power bars he'd insisted on, Kirk decides which path to take, and then they march on.

*

Pike's beloved areas of Mojave on horseback are fabulous — wild, untamed, quiet nature full of marvelous little signs of life. Tourist resorts on foot are terrible, though — all trampled paths and noisy people amidst a nature that has long succumb to the impact.

Getting a little bit of desert fed to him is mostly reminding Pike that he fucking misses his weekend rides, and that he'd either have to abstain from the desert forever or find a solution to resume his cherished trips, with or without Dael.

_Possibly without_, he thinks moodily as he watches Kirk and Dael walk in front of them. He's never seen the legendary Kirk charm in full swing, but he does now and it's impressive. Dael is melting like butter in the sun under its impact, her body pliantly leaning towards the man at her side, her concentration fully on yet another funny story he's telling her. Seeing her unfold under Kirk's attention, Pike wonders if he'd underestimated how much of a _spring flower girl_ she could be with the right person at her side, and realizes that he's definitely not that person — and damn, it stings.

"Come here," McCoy says and pulls him aside into one of the few shadows of a rock. Pike accepts the offered water and a power bar, though the latter not without resistance.

"We just had a large breakfast, I'm not going to fall apart over a walk."

"Indulge your doctor," McCoy says and pushes the bar into his hand.

Pike shakes his head with a frown but takes a bite anyway; then his eyes stray towards the others who have stopped a little in the distance. He holds his breath as they draw closer, two small figures merging into what's unmistakably a kiss. A long, deep, kiss to boot, and he swallows harshly, his throat suddenly dry again.

"What did you expect, you basically threw them together all morning," McCoy says, his voice wavering somewhere between sympathy and annoyance.

"Yeah, I did," Pike says. _Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anyway._ He starts breathing again as the figures move apart and turn to walk back towards them, their hands unlacing when they're close.

"Somehow it feels as if I've been to places like this one a dozen times before," Kirk says as they've joined them. "When you know one desert, you know them all."

Pike incredulously shakes his head. McCoy rolls his eyes.

"Just kidding," Kirk adds with a smirk. "But I still would like to go back to the city. Let's go down-town, do some shopping. We're running out of civvies and besides, I really miss San Francisco."

"Sure, let's go back," Pike says with a shrug. It's not as if he wanted to go to the desert with them anyway.

One the way back to the car, Dael keeps at his side for a while but the path is too small for four in a row, so they end up split in couples again.

A car ride later, they hit the city.

*

Once again Kirk and Dael are in front when they walk along the shopping mile, with Pike and McCoy trailing behind them. This way, Pike gets a rare good look at people's reactions when the two pass them, and quite a few turn their head after Dael. It reminds him that while he might be used to her tattoos, she's still covering them most of the time outside the academy grounds or the nightly club scene. Displaying them in bright daylight has quite an effect, even in a city as tolerant as San Francisco.

Or maybe especially here, where most people had lost family or friends in the Narada incident. 

Pike is glad that Kirk manages to keep her occupied with amusing space stories.

"You don't go shopping a lot like that, do you?" McCoy asks quietly at his side.

"No, we don't. Especially not after the yellow press threw out an article about us."

McCoy glares a little. "You could've told us."

"We didn't want to," Pike says evenly.

"You rather let her run the gauntlet?"

"It's her choice. If she didn't want to, I'm sure she's got the cover cream in her bag. And it's not as if Jim is so unrecognizable either."

"When he's in Frisco, he always seems to think he's still the uninteresting cadet." McCoy rolls his eyes.

"We're all in the same boat," Pike states as he catches a third year cadet watching their little procession open-mouthed. "You included." He laces his arm through McCoy's. "You might not be very well-known, but considering that you've been the center of a ceremony last night, it's not like you're invisible either."

"What's the headline going to be?" McCoy asks darkly. "_Starfleet's golden quadrant?_"

"Hey, Bones," Kirk says, stopping and half-turning with a dance in his step. "Stop moping and let's go in." He waves at the _RoxX_, one of the currently popular shops.

"That's clothes for kids," McCoy says grumpily as he eyes the windows.

"You're not that old, shut up." Kirk pulls him inside.

Pike lines up with Dael, smiling a little. "Up for shopping?"

"Only when you come with us," she says.

A young man walks out of the door, openly frowning at Dael before glancing over to her companion. From the corner of his eyes, Pike can see her jaw clenching.

"Anyone you know?" he asks when the guy is out of range.

"Just in passing," she says. "Let's go in." She laces one arm into his and pulls him into this temple of contemporary fashion crimes, mischief in her eyes.

*

The shopping eats the better part of the day, the shop-hopping conveniently sprinkled with lunch and coffee breaks. Their bags are full when they get home, and Pike is already wearing his brand new, dark-grey _wet look_ pants that his three lovers had pushed into his arms right at _RoxX_, claiming that he'd never looked better. They had seemed all set to prove it too, as they hadn't been able to keep their damn fingers away from his ass in public over the course of the afternoon, although Pike himself is too aware of how his knee protectors are being outlined by this material.

Finally they are at home, and Pike changes into something less tempting but more kitchen-compatible. The doc volunteers to help, and they spend an enjoyable time cooking together. They're quite well-behaved too, keeping away from falling into the teenager spirit from the car ride of the morning, but there's an underlying erotic vibe in every touch they share that makes Pike looking forward to the evening.

When the food is ready, they set the kitchen table and Pike goes to fetch Kirk and Dael, ignoring McCoy's offer to take over this duty instead. He wants to know that the two are good with each other, that things work out as hoped for. The living room door is slightly ajar and he spies through the slit. They're on the couch, Dael kneeling over Kirk's lap with her legs left and right of him, and they're kissing, their hands entwined in a quiet dance. Pike quickly draws away from the door, back into the corridor.

"Hey Dael, Jim — dinner is ready," he calls out in no particular direction. "We'll be in the kitchen, waiting for you."

Pike returns to McCoy, squarely facing the doc's questioning gaze.

"All good," he says and sits down, cupping one of the doc's hands on the table top with his own. "All good."

*

They have dinner together, the increasing erotic tension between them all like static energy in the air, but they bravely keep from outright launching onto each other through dinner and a round of espressos that they imbibe in the living room. Of course, the couples are sitting damn close now and hands are straying in a way that would be very improper in public, but somehow nobody seems to be inclined to make the first step that would send them all spiraling down into mind-blowing sex.

When Pike carries the espresso cups away, he isn't surprised when Kirk follows him into the kitchen.

"Chris… we need to talk. About Dael."

"There's nothing to talk about," Pike says and puts the cups into the dishwasher. "I know that you're attracted to each other, so go ahead. I'm fine with it."

Pike's answer doesn't seem to be enough, as Kirk still draws closer, leaning against the sideboard.

"I talked a lot to her during your coma and rehab," Kirk says quietly. "She's great. She'll keep all your secrets like a treasure; listens to them and then buries them so deep down that nobody else will ever get to them. She doesn't share easily, but she shared some stories with me, and I know it's a gift. We've got a lot in common, and she's become important to me. But _if_ you want me to keep away from her, just say it. You're more important to me, Chris, and I don't want to ruin anything between us. When you say stop, we'll stop."

"I can't say stop, and I won't. How much of a hypocrite would I be if I told her that I'd be with you but she wouldn't be allowed?" Pike straightens his back, trying to get rid of the sudden tension in his shoulder muscles. "I don't own her. She's her own person. We're both free to see others."

"She's your lover, Chris." Kirk gives him a glance from blue eyes. "Your live-in partner. Did you even talk to her about me?"

"I don't need to, and I won't." Pike turns to the fridge and pours himself a glass of orange juice to give himself a moment of time.

"I know that you don't really like to talk about relationship issues, but that's a bit strong."

Pike shrugs, turning around and leading against the counter, cradling the glass in his hand. "Even if I hadn't noted your connection before, the diorama made everything clear to me."

Kirk blushes a little. "That obvious, huh? When we thought about doing something like that, I really needed to make something for her too, to show her that some people care."

Pike empties the glass and puts it aside. "Jim, do me a favor."

"Yes?" Kirk asks alerted.

"When we go back inside, you make her happy and I make the doc happy and we'll all be good."

Kirk eyes him with a strange smile. "I could almost believe you don't have a problem with that. _Almost._"

"And stop getting complicated on me," Pike adds without bothering to answer Kirk's statement and pulls him into a kiss.

"Though there's one thing…" Pike has never set a limit on Dael's sexual activities, and there's no such thing between the three men either, but this one act is important enough to him to break that unspoken rule.

"Tell me, please."

"Her ass belongs to me."

"Means exactly what?" Kirk asks.

"No fucking, no fingering. Her ass is all mine."

"Fine." It's almost as if Kirk is relieved about Pike having said something, set some limit between the two.

"And now — be good to her," Pike says, cupping Kirk's face. "She deserves it." He kisses him again, drawing his tongue over Kirk's inviting lips, dipping his tongue in just a bit.

"Yes," Kirk says when they part, eyes shining bright.

They walk back to the living room, hands loosely linked. Both McCoy and Dael critically eye them, but relax when they split up, Pike sitting down next to McCoy with one possessive arm around the doc's shoulders, and Jim sitting down next to Dael, curling around her.

_All good?_ McCoy's gaze asks, and Pike smiles and pulls the doc closer. It doesn't take long before they're making out, hands groping whatever they could latch upon until they're half out of clothes. It's good enough that Pike almost forgets their seat neighbors, at least until he can see Dael slipping deeper, Kirk moving down to the floor.

_Oh shit._

He's going to give her head, and Pike's got no doubt that Jim will be _fan-fucking-tastic_, much better than he is at the same task, and of course Dael starts making these gorgeous little noises and —

"Look at me," McCoy's voice comes in, and he turns his head to find the doc kneeling between his legs. "Only look at me," McCoy says and then swallows his dick, all of it until the glans bumps against the back of McCoy's throat. Pike breathlessly watches the beautiful show until the heat in his groin is unbearable, his balls aching. He's so ready for orgasm when McCoy suddenly withdraws with a small slurp and a last kiss on his dick.

Pike groans. "Damn, doc…"

"Shhh, we've got time. I'm going to make it really good for you."

The doc starts undressing him for real, taking away his shirt, pulling down his slacks. When the fingers go for his knee protectors, Pike gets a little nervous, but McCoy gently strokes down his legs, a silent promise that he'd take care of everything. Pike believes him.

"Come with me."

Pike manages to barely give a glance at the others when McCoy pulls him up from the couch, so he doesn't see much besides two rather laced bodies. The doc is still fully clothed, and that brings up memories that only intensify as McCoy leads Pike into the main bedroom and orders him onto his large bed.

"Anything special in mind?" Pike asks as McCoy walks to his nightstand, opening the drawers.

"Only this right now," McCoy says and shows the vibrating anal toy in his hand.

Pike inhales sharply as McCoy crouches behind him with lube and toy in hand, but the doc doesn't directly apply anything, only lies down behind him and takes him into an embrace. Strong hands caress his chest, stroke through his curly chest hair, slipping deeper for a moment. Then one hand moves away, doing something behind Pike's back.

"You've got the toy quite close," the doc's voice whispers. "Do you like it?"

"Yes," Pike replies just as quietly. He's not really surprised when the hand comes back slick and cool, and he angles his upper leg up for making more room.

"Do you think of me when you slip it in?" McCoy asks a little rough, and edges a first finger into Pike's ass.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"Do you think of the scene we had, when I tied you up with your own belt?"

Pike screws his eyes shut as the memories flood him and mix with the feeling of a second finger in his ass.

"Not only, but yes."

"Do you remember how I fucked you with the toy in your ass?"

"How could I forget that…" Pike arches as McCoy's fingers start fucking him, in and out and in, a little deeper each time.

"You know I'm going to do that again today. First it's my fingers, then it's the toy. And in the end, I'll fuck you while it's still in your ass." It's four fingers now, and Pike feels deliciously spread open, his hands curling around McCoy's arm that holds him and cushions his head.

"You're so wide and hot," McCoy mutters, then pulls the fingers away. They are substituted by the toy seconds later, which easily slips into Pike's ass. It's when McCoy turns it on that the effect is really there, and then it's suddenly mind-blowing for a second before it's tuned to a more bearable, low-pulsing level again.

"You stay here, hands off all body parts. No going anywhere. Think you can do that?" McCoy asks.

Pike nods. "Yes. I'll do fine."

"Good."

Pike doesn't do as good as he's supposed to, considering that he can't really keep his hand off his dick because it's so hard and aching and fucking _itching_. Being alone also gives his thoughts too much room to drift to the other couple, and he starts wondering what they're doing, if Jim's still licking her, if they're fucking, if Dael fucks Jim — now _that's_ a vision that's surprisingly hot, for all the hang-ups that Pike has regarding sharing her with anyone. The vibration's rhythm suddenly changes, getting more irregular and intense, and he rolls onto his back with a groan, cursing the doc a little.

"I suck at subbing," he throws at McCoy when the man returns, which earns him an answering grin. Pike watches the doc undressing, _finally_.

"Had fun?" McCoy asks.

"Not really."

"Good." McCoy sits down, one hand stroking the blooming erection. "Yeah, look at it. You're going to suck it."

"Am I?" Pike says a little defiantly but licks his lips anyway.

"I'm nice, you get the choice of position. You can get down on your knees or you sit down on the bed and I stand up."

"I'm not an invalid," Pike mutters a little annoyed, and slips down to the floor to kneel between McCoy's spread thighs.

The taste of the precum goes down right between Pike's legs, giving his erection a twinge. The doc's dick is beautiful in his mouth, strong and pulsing, filling his senses as he works on it. He puts his lips and tongue to best possible use, sucking up and down its length, at times letting is slip out of his mouth to lick the slit, teasing some more precum out of it. From the slight shaking of McCoy's thighs, Pike can feel the effect of his actions, and he does his best to bring McCoy to the brink of orgasm, taking a tight hold of the shaft with his hand as he sucks the head in.

"Enough," McCoy says roughly, almost pushing him away. Pike places a smug kiss on the glans, then leans back on his heels.

"Come up here and lay on your back," McCoy orders, and Pike obeys, tensing as his left arm unexpectedly hits something. Turning his head, he recognizes ropes next to his shoulder.

"Doc…?" Pike asks, his breathing quickening.

"Relax, relax." McCoy leans over him, kissing along his chest, stroking his skin. "I'll be good, promise. Please, let me do it."

The touches are a fest to Pike's senses, adding another layer to the heat that's pooling in his whole body, but his brain is suddenly working too well, having woken up in shock over the suggestion of bondage. "Please…"

"Let me try, Chris. Let me try, and if you don't like it, I promise I'll untie you. Trust me."

Pike whimpers as the doc's lips wander down his groin, and one finger teases his ass. "I hate the idea."

"Trust me, Chris." The doc settles over his erection, teasingly blowing him for a moment before he moves up again, meeting Pike's eyes fully. "I'll make it good, Chris."

"Fuck… okay."

_Did I just say okay?_ Feeling suddenly rather disconnected from the scene, Pike watches the doc's movements, sees the hands taking the ropes, watches the loops laced around his wrists, one after the other. Finds his wrists suddenly tied to the ankles, a position that automatically spreads his thighs, knees falling a little to the sides. More ropes come into play, and his arms end up tied to the upper legs, making the position both more comfortable and more restrictive. It's surprisingly erotic and has little similarity to _back then_, much to Pike's relief. Experimentally he tries to move his limbs, but there's little room, especially as McCoy runs his hands along his inner thighs and knees, pushing them further apart.

"Shit," Pike mutters under his breath.

"That bad?" McCoy teases as he leans over him, hands left and right of his tied arms, nudging their erections together. He wiggles his pelvis, forcing a groan out of Pike's throat. "You like it?"

"You ass." Pike curls as McCoy's lips tug at his nipples, but is unable to keep the man away. "Don't tease me like that, it tickles!"

"I can do worse," McCoy say and settles back into a kneeling position, taking the remote control for the toy in his hand. "I could dial it up."

Pike arches as the rhythm goes from his ass right into his balls, edging along pain now that he's been kept from orgasm for so long. "F………uck."

"Soon, soon," McCoy croons and strokes along Pike's length, stimulating him further, not paying heed to any curses and pleas rolling over Pike's tongue now. Like a stranded bug, Pike is at the doc's mercy, too restricted in his movement to escape the caresses and teases. He's bathed in sweat when the doc moves over him again, his erection heavily resting against Pike's groin. Pike groans from the touch.

"You ready for my dick?" McCoy asks sweetly. "You ready to get fucked so long and hard that you'll feel it for days?"

"Promises, promises," Pike mutters, fighting for control.

"Yes, and I intend to keep them." The doc slips his tongue into Pike's mouth, squelching any further words.

"Love to see you like this," the doc murmurs when drawing back, moving one hand to get the erection all in position. Then he presses in, slowly. "Love to watch my dick disappearing in your ass. Love it how you lose it when I do this to you."

Pike couldn't argue with the point because the feel of getting filled and spread and taken into possession is enough to blow his mind to inarticulate pieces. After the long build-up having already pushed his hormones into gear, this is the action that tips it all over. With McCoy's arms around his tied thighs, he's kept in position all through the ride, only able to lay back and enjoy it. Time slows, time speeds up — time is all and now and he's totally submerged into his feelings, the way his body trembles, his mind reels. He barely feels the doc coming, so far away is he, and when he follows swiftly thanks to a hand on his dick, all goes bright like a nova, then blank like space.

When Pike comes back to reality, the doc just removes the toy, then cleans him and unties his legs and arms, but he's obviously not given his freedom back right away. "Doc?" he whispers nervously as McCoy brings his wrists close in front of his eyes and ties them together again.

"You could unlace it if you really want to, Chris." McCoy gently strokes his cheek. "But it should show you that you're still out of responsibility. Lay back and sleep a little, you can barely keep your eyes open."

True to the doc's diagnosis, Pike is so exhausted that sleep comes quickly. When he wakes up again, he's disoriented for a moment before he remembers where he is — and what had happened before he fell sleep. The memories bring an instant heat back to his ass, and he rubs his face against his arms before he opens his eyes again, only now noticing the quiet figure in the chair opposite to the bed

"Dael?" Pike mutters. She looks at him, and he's suddenly very aware of his tied wrists. _Fuck._

"The doc wanted me to stay with you for a moment." She slips from the stool and goes down on one knee in front of the bed, her gaze on his wrists. Apologetic thoughts run through his mind — it had to be quite a divergence from the image she'd like to have of him, and he thinks about how Jim still keeps away from this aspect of his personality whenever he could.

"It's hot," she says unexpectedly, and places one hand on the ropes. "I sometimes thought of this but I never dared to ask." She closes her hand around the bondage and pushes his hands above his head.

"To have you at my beck and call…" she says, leaning over to kiss him, slipping her tongue deep into his mouth. She tastes different to normal, and he tries hard to ignore it. "All for me to take."

"You'd like that?" he asks throatily, not completely sure whether he'd be really ready for that with her.

Dael doesn't answer, just runs her hand over his chest.

"What does he have that Jim doesn't?" she asks, and he needs a moment to wrap his diverted mind around the question.

"A sense of entitlement," he says with his eyes on her, trying to figure out her reaction. "He doesn't really ask. He doesn't need to."

"Would I have to ask?" she wonders aloud, her hand slipping deeper. He's inhaling sharply as she cradles his rather sensitive member through the blanket. She's less careful than usual, more claiming.

_Maybe. No._

Her hand moves deeper, nudging against his asshole. He curls into the touch with a sigh, spreading his slightly folded legs. "Does it hurt?" Her voice is clinically cool now, which makes it all the hotter. "Did he fuck you raw?"

"A little. Yes."

"One day, I want to be the one to fuck you like this."

He laughs breathlessly but it turns into another moan as she leans forward to lick his nipple, teasing it with tongue and teeth. When the doc returns, his body is really unhappy as she swiftly withdraws with a last kiss on his lips.

"Another day," she says gently. She nods towards the doc and leaves the room.

"So — she liked it?" McCoy sits down next to him and pulls aside the blanket, then settles one steady hand on Pike's rekindled erection. "Interesting how people can surprise us."

"You set us up intentionally," Pike accuses him.

"I only thought it's worth a try, passing you into her care. Guess I had the right hunch."

McCoy changes position, kneeling over Pike's body and pushing his legs apart. "All ready for another round?" he asks. "Heaven knows I am." The heavy erection pushing against Pike's groin is more than proof of that.

"While I might change my thoughts about bondage after today, I'd still prefer to be untied now," Pike says. He's glad as McCoy adheres to his suggestion without further question. When his hands are free, he strokes McCoy's face, feeding him two fingers.

"Make love to me, doc," he whispers and runs his hands from McCoy's muscular back down to the hot ass, gripping it hard to draw them together.

*

They all meet in the kitchen later, driven by the need to reconnect and sheer, simple hunger.

"The fridge is full, but I'm not really in the mood for any of it," Pike states with a gaze at said furniture. At his side, McCoy nods in agreement.

"So let's go out for a midnight snack," Kirk says. He's leaning against the table, while Dael is sitting on a chair on its other side, a little distanced. Pike doesn't know how to interpret their body language, so when they're on their way through the lightly illuminated streets to the restaurant, he joins Dael's side and separates her from the others to talk to her in private for a moment.

"Everything okay?" he asks quietly. "Did you have a good time?"

"Yes, we did," she answers, blushing a little. "I hope you had a good time too."

"Yes." He feels his own cheeks warming. They've never had sex with others while in the same apartment, and it's strange once he really starts to think about it, so he tries to avoid that.

"I thought I knew them from the vids and chats, but it's been a very limited view on them," she says thoughtfully. "I like them better in reality."

"Both?"

"Yes." Dael gives him an upswept gaze. "I don't have anything against the doctor. He just doesn't know what to do with me."

"He thinks you're way too young for me, but I hope that once he gets to know you better, you'll be fine."

She stops him in a dark corner. "The doctor and I don't have to be fine with each other. As long as you are fine with him, I don't have a problem at all." She caresses his cheek. "You see him so rarely, I want you to enjoy your time with him."

He leans forward, pressing a kiss on her forehead. "You're fantastic, do you know that?" he rasps, trying to keep the strong surge of emotions out of his voice.

"I try to be," she says softly.

Pike keeps her in an embrace for another moment, running his fingers through her hair, before they get back to walking. The other two had been waiting for them at the next street corner, looking a bit relieved when it becomes obvious that Pike and Dael hadn't fought. Dael joins Kirk's side, and McCoy and Pike follow them.

"All fine?" McCoy says under his breath, and Pike nods with a smile.

"Yes, absolutely." He hooks his arm into the doc's, enjoying the warmth of his lover's body that seeps through the thin jacket. "Let's get something to eat and then go back home. The night is still young and there are so many things I'd like to do to you," Pike whispers.

"We've got a few more nights," McCoy says amused.

"Never enough," Pike replies.

"True," McCoy says after a noticeable pause, but before Pike can consider what they'd both really said, they arrive at his preferred Italian restaurant. He's never been here with Dael; Pike actually likes their domesticity and the cooking they do for each other. Right now, however, it's inconvenient as the gazes of the personnel are a little confounded when coming face to face with her tattoos. They're polite, true, but they're also significantly less eager than usual to serve their table, until Pike gets up and has a word with the owner.

After that, the service is on its usual top level.

They all address the food heartily, even Dael eating a little more than usual before moving her small pizza aside.

"You're already finished?" Kirk asks, curiously eying the barely diminished pizza.

"Yes."

"Fine," he says and pulls her food over to him, pushing his own, already empty plate to the side. "What, Bones?" Kirk says and arches his brows at the doc. "I'm just hungry. Sex is sport when well-done."

Pike purses his lips and gazes down on his own pizza, considering the statement a little sullenly. It might've come from his own mouth in the past but as he'd just spent most of the evening on his back as a handy fuck toy, he probably should've ordered salad only.

"Sex is sex, and sport is sport," McCoy says with an eye-roll. "Otherwise, you could've had participated in the Olympic Games after your first year at the academy, after all the sex you had." The couple engages in a little discussion about the actual numbers, their exchange sounding as it's already become a ritual, a story regularly told at round tables with friends.

"And after the second year, _you_ could've participated," Kirk states smugly at last. "Because of all the sex you had with me."

"Cocky bastard," McCoy mutters.

"Love you too," Kirk says sweetly, reaching over the table to clasp his husband's hand, which McCoy grants him grudgingly.

Pike hides the grin that's spreading on his face by finishing his meal. The moody moment has passed, his former light-heartedness is largely restored. He pays for them all, although his men protest, and then they're back on the street for the walk home.

Keeping closely to McCoy's side, Pike indulges in thoughts of what they could do later, so McCoy's words hit him out of the blue.

"You know Dael has got an eating disorder?"

Pike stares at him. "She doesn't eat a lot, true. It's a habit — there was a time in her past when it was safer for her not to look like a woman. But it'll go away."

McCoy shakes his head. "No way. It might have started as a habit or a defense mechanism, but it's as likely to go away as your brain blackouts are. She's borderline malnourished. It's a wonder that SFM doesn't intervene."

"She's got a kind of wildcard, for all I know," Pike states, earning a deep frown from McCoy.

"Does she even have her period?"

"Doc!" Pike halts his steps. "That's way out of line."

McCoy smiles a little. "You don't know. That likely means she doesn't menstruate because I can tell you, straight men learn fast about that. You know that this isn't good for her, right?"

"It's definitely not something I want to discuss with you," Pike states sourly. "And I'd ask you not to speak with Dael about it either. I know she's thinking about the eating problem once in a while, but the few times I said something about it, she made it clear it's not something she wants to discuss."

"I see," McCoy says, his intense gaze cornering Pike.

"I keep an eye on her, and she eats more since she's been in rehab with me."

"If that's _more_, I don't want to know how little she ate before that." McCoy shakes his head. "Hell, she's not my patient but I can't help noticing such details."

"Diagnosis taken, doctor," Pike says, slipping some of his authority into the statement to end this discussion.

"Good," McCoy replies clipped, and they proceed on their way, a little more apart than before.

*

The slight tension of their disagreement keeps lingering, and in what is possibly some kind of subconscious, cheap revenge, once they're at home and in the living-room, Pike shifts more of his momentary interest to Dael. He can see it hurts McCoy, and hates himself a little for it. His guilty conscience catches up with him when the doc suddenly gets up and walks out. In a swift motion and with a short apology, Pike untangles from the others and follows his lover.

The doc is at the fridge, getting a beer out.

"I'm sorry," Pike says, putting a hand on his arm. McCoy jerks around, having been oblivious of his approach.

"Sorry? Don't know what you're sorry for. She's your woman, after all." McCoy breaks the beer open, taking a deep gulp.

"And you're my man, and I behaved like an ass."

"For spending time with her?" McCoy laughs roughly. "It's my own damn problem, not yours."

"I was annoyed with you and made you suffer for it, and I _am_ sorry for that." Pike pulls him into an embrace, overcoming the doc's slight reluctance. "I know that you're jealous and played you off by it."

"Yes, I am," the doc whispers against his neck. "It's stupid because I wanted you to find someone on Earth, to not be alone all the time. But I wish… fuck."

Pike grabs his face and kisses him hard, trying to shut up the words and the thoughts, making him stop with the what-ifs that they both can't and don't want to change. There are their feelings, and there's reality, and it's not fully compatible but right now it doesn't matter, because they're both here.

His tongue still firmly ravishing McCoy's mouth, Pike slips one hand down the doc's body, opening his pants. It elicits a gasp from the doc, and another moan as his fingers dive into the spreading fly, palming the growing erection. "Get hard for me," Pike whispers as he's pulling back from the kiss for a moment. "Give it to me, doc."

It's almost a whine that's rising from the depths of McCoy's chest, and hands clutch hard at him as Pike starts stroking the erection for real.

"Yes, yes — oh Chris, damn, yes…"

The doc's writhing under his administrations when Pike decides to move forward. He gets down on his knees, swallowing the erection in whole without preamble, unwilling to give McCoy any break.

Strongly holding the doc's hips in his grip, Pike deep-throats his lover, his lips tightly holding onto the strong flesh. McCoy's hands are buried in his hair, fingertips tensely pressing onto his head. Strangled noises reach his ears, adding to the sucking sounds.

At last, a stuttered moan, "Chris, stop, I want… "

Pike slightly withdraws. "What do you want?" he says heavily breathing, his hands firmly on the dick. Damn, he wants the doc so much.

"Take me, Chris. Right here, over the table." _Make me yours_, is what he doesn't say, but Pike hears it anyway.

"Yes," he rasps and gets up, ignoring the slight ache in his legs. There's little finesse and all raw want as he shoves McCoy over the table and pulls his pants down, then undoes his own pants. They'd do sweet and lazy later again, but not now – now he wants to feel and take and prove his man that he still wants him.

"Want you, doc. Want you, always," Pike whispers and drags his own hard, leaking member across the inviting ass cheeks. There's lube somewhere and he slaps it into his hand, stroking his dick, pushing a finger into the ready, well-trained hole.

McCoy pushes back against him in another whimper. "Fuck me, come on."

Words die as Pike pushes in, dragging McCoy's hips back against his own, holding the man tightly as he starts fucking him. Maybe _claiming_ would be a better word, because that's what he does. Pike has never felt that much need to do it and if he'd have the choice right now, free choice for who'd stay with him forever, he wouldn't know who to choose but McCoy might well be the one he'd settle for. He fucks harder because goddamn, he doesn't want to start thinking either, maudlin pondering suddenly framing the reality of him nailing McCoy against his kitchen table, clawing his hands into the body in front of him so hard that he leaves scratches. McCoy's hands clamp the table's edge, giving him leverage to press back against Pike, holding his own in this strange fight. There's the sound of flesh against flesh, slapping in sync with the squeal of the table legs on the floor and the tingle of their belt buckles against the jeans. Then they're suddenly close and want this, want it now, no waiting because waiting would mean time to think and —

"Fuck…" Pike comes, and the orgasm is like a wave of aggression cursing through him, blinding emotions topped by a gut-wrenching need for possessing. He keeps cursing as he rides out the climax, keeping his unyielding hold onto the doc's body. He comes back to the world half-lying over McCoy's back, his hands stroking his lover's shoulders and arms. He wonders faintly if the doc had come and decides he probably had, giving from the slowing breathing and the stillness of his form.

Fuck, his legs are all but gone. It's a miracle he's still standing. He makes an unsteady step backwards, glad when he finds a chair behind him to sit down.

McCoy moves up from the table, only to sink down on his knees in front of Pike, resting his forehead against Pike's trembling left thigh. For a little while, they just sit like this, nobody saying a word.

"You okay?" McCoy says at last, looking up at him.

"Yes. Just exhausted," Pike says.

"I know what you mean." McCoy smiles. "Let's go to bed. It's late enough."

When they move into the main bedroom, they find the others already lying in bed, blinking at them from sleepy eyes. They slip into bed with them and usher the younger members of their foursome back to sleep before falling asleep in each other's arms too.

*

It's already close to midday when Pike gets up from an empty bed. He drinks half a bottle of juice and takes a shower, enjoying the dreamy flow of the warm water over his head and shoulders. He's glad they let him sleep for so long but at the same time feels strangely lonely, _left behind_. Whenever any of them is around him, it's like an incredible cocoon of love and caring and he's getting addicted to it. Of course it's only a transient state, a momentary highlight, but right now his whole self latches onto the chance to be a part of this incredible experience.

Hiding the knee protectors under black slacks as his only clothes, he pads bare-foot into the kitchen.

"I thought I'd have a snack —" Pike starts as he finds Dael sitting at the kitchen table concentrated cutting some vegetables, but words leave him as she turns and his eyes run down her body. She wears nothing but the strap-on, her dick fully enlarged and bobbing between her slim thighs.

_Fuck. _

"Had fun?" he says throatily, though not sure if he wants to hear details.

"Not yet," she replies and puts aside the knife before fully turning on her seat with a dare in her eyes, her naked feet hooked into the wooden bars of the chair.

He doesn't need another invitation to walk straight over to her and go down on his knees. For a moment, he caresses her chest tattoos, following their lines down to her groin; then he bends forward and takes her dick into his mouth.

It's not made of flesh, it's not a real dick and never would be, but it's _her_ dick and damn, he'd missed this. She groans as he deep-throats her again and again, running his lips tightly over the skin, teasing the glans with his tongue. He laces his hands around her spread thighs, holding her legs half for control, half for better balance. One of her hands is in his hair, stroking his head encouragingly but without pressure. He's working on her as if his life depends on it and she pays it off by the fucking best sounds he'd ever gotten out of her, sweet hot moans and pleas. She's more vocal than in the past, and while he'd like to think it's all been his good work, Kirk probably had contributed to this too. The thought only spurs him on to be even better, and so he doesn't stop before she's not come once but twice, at last hanging on the edge of the seat in a mushy heap, one arm on the table to keep herself from falling, the other around his neck, riding out her last throes deep in his mouth.

"Christopher, Christopher," she whispers, and, "Love you," and these words turn out to be much-needed balm to his soul, healing any emotional fissure he'd suffered over the last days.

_It's so worth it. _

He lets her dick free with a last lick, then crouches higher so that he could kiss her groin. "Love you too, Dael, wonderful darling. Love you." Closing his eyes, he rests his temple against her stomach, enjoying the feel of her hands on him, the way she runs her fingers through his hair, lightly massaging his scalp.

"Anything I can do for you?" she asks.

"Not yet," he replies and smiles, rubbing his nose against her soft skin. The afternoon would be long, they have time.

When they move apart at last, his legs are wobbly and unsteady when he gets up. He's glad when she gives him a hand for the way to the living room, where the other two sit closely together on the couch, McCoy's arm around Kirk's shoulder. From their state of complete undress and their flushed bodies and hard erections, they must have had a good time too. Seeing the newcomers, they untangle and get up.

"Had a good time?" McCoy asks as he stands in front of Pike, placing a stabilizing arm around Pike's hip when Dael unlaces from their embrace with a last kiss.

"So far, yes," Pike says. McCoy's eyes are darker than usual, the gaze full of desire, the grip around his hip definitely one of claiming.

Pike knows what he wants, but he needs to make sure that they're all on the same page. He turns his head towards Dael, finding her forehead to forehead to Kirk with eyes closed, hands in a quiet dance over each other's bodies.

"They're fine," McCoy whispers in his ear. "Let's go."

It's not the weakness in his legs that makes Pike give in and follow McCoy to the main bedroom, nor tiredness as he lets himself be undressed and put down in the middle of the bed. It's a wonderful, warm feeling of surrender that's coming more and more easily when he's with McCoy, that has little to do with kinky scenes and much more with trust and love and a bunch of other things Pike can't or doesn't want to pinpoint. It's a bit like on that one morning when Kirk had been climbing, but back then they had switched around – right now Pike is well aware that McCoy takes charge of him, _again_, without the need for ropes and toys.

Or at least, that's how it is through half the love-making, until Pike lays boneless on his stomach, the doc's fingers deep inside of him in a torturously slow foreplay that makes his balls ache — as if they didn't after Dael already — and the doc leans over and whispers, "I wish I could have that forever, chain you to my bed like that and keep you."

"Sounds like a plan," Pike mutters easily, his brain mostly offline.

McCoy pulls out, making Pike groan a little. "I don't think you mean it," the doc says and lays down next to him, face to face. "But I've bought something a while ago and I'd like to use it on you, just for now."

"Huh?" Pike opens his eyes, a little surprised from the proclamation. He watches the doc turn around and get something from the nightstand. It's a metal collar, maybe one centimeter in height, with a lock in front.

It's the kind of collar Pike had used on other people in the past, but the idea of having one around his own neck is suddenly a damn challenge. It must have shown in his eyes, because McCoy soothingly adds, "It's not imprinted to me, there are old-fashioned locks with keys coming with it. And don't think I'd want to keep you away from the others. I'd just… love to claim you for a moment. Jim knows." McCoy gently kisses Pike's face, stroking his neck. "If you say no, it's okay. No hurt feelings. But I'd really love to do it."

_No hurt feelings — as if. _

Pike is aware of the various underlying competitions that are going on in their foursome, the plain way Jim and he compete about Dael, the subdued way Dael and the doc compete about him; the only reason why there's no obvious competition between Jim and him about McCoy is that Jim has pulled himself out of the equation almost from the start, giving the two of them a lot of space despite the package deal. It's an incredible gift from Jim, and he's not as good in putting his own feelings aside for another person's fun — he can admit that thinking of Jim having sex with Dael still makes him itch, and he doubts that Dael would like seeing McCoy's collar on him.

"No showing off," Pike says at last. "No parading around."

McCoy nods. "Just between you and me."

The metal is cool as it nudges against his skin, and Pike swallows as McCoy locks the collar, the sound overly loud and final.

"Thank you," McCoy rasps and pulls him into a deep kiss. "Thank you so much for your trust." Pike shivers, the action and the words suddenly piling a heap of emotions onto him for which he doesn't feel ready.

"Doc —"

"You want to get rid of it, you just tell me," McCoy says, cupping his face. "Really, Chris. Tell me when it's too much. I want you to enjoy it. It's not supposed to be a hardship."

No, it's just supposed to be a claiming of ownership. 

It actually _is_ too much, but Pike isn't the man to turn tail right away; at least he'd give it a try for a little while. With serious effort he forces himself to get back into the relaxed sensation of just a moment ago. It helps that the doc is just as considerate and loving as before; it doesn't really feel as if anything big changed between them and still — it's the symbol that rests tangibly against Pike's neck that makes all the difference.

It all clicks into place when the doc finally, finally enters him, gentle and still claiming, moving with self-assurance and ease and an incredible self-control. Never before has Pike felt in the depths of his guts how it is to be another person's center, another person's deepest desire, but now it's being pushes into him, just when he's at his most open and vulnerable, and it's a mind-blowing realization and also a tiny bit of gazing into hell. Because right now he would do anything for the doc, would yield to every order not because of any power play but because he's helpless in the face of the emotions that come across, the doc's incredibly deep love and commitment that blow him away, no defenses left.

"You're all mine," McCoy whispers, eyes brilliant and bright, warm fingers stroking along Pike's neck, tugging the collar. "All mine," he repeats with every tilt of his hips, every deep stroke that forces yet another moan out of Pike, and at last the _yes, yes, yes_ from the bottom of his heart, and they come together without any stimulation on Pike's dick, riding their orgasm out with limbs clamped around each other in wild abandon.

The world returns to Pike, and it's changed and he's not sure what he's supposed to do now.

"Wait a second," McCoy says and removes the collar without asking, leaving Pike both strangely bare and strangely relieved.

"I — I need to go to the toilet," Pike says and rolls out of bed, but his legs just falter beneath him. He lands with his back against the frame, shaking all over from the lingering adrenaline rush of this unbelievable orgasm and the shock of finding himself robbed of his motion control.

"Damn, you hurt?" The doc is instantly at his side, taking him into an embrace. "Let me help you."

"No," Pike says, a little too roughly. "No. I'm fine. Just give me a second."

McCoy suddenly looks defeated. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have —"

"No." Pike pulls him close. "Don't be sorry. It was incredible. Thank you." He kisses the doc's face, trying to ease the frown off the forehead and get back the happy glow that there's been there only seconds before, feeling a little guilty for having killed it. "I wasn't ready for this but I'll manage."

"Told you to say stop," McCoy mutters against his chin, the doc's hands stroking down his sides.

"I didn't want to stop. I just didn't know whether I wanted it to go on either at times." Pike releases the embrace enough to meet McCoy's eyes. "You're the worst man I met in my life."

McCoy twists his lips. "That's supposed to be a compliment?"

"Yes. The worst in terms of beating me at my own game."

"This isn't a game," McCoy states.

Pike runs his fingers over McCoy's face, the deepening frown on it. "All of life is a game."

The doc rolls his eyes. "Remind me not to discuss philosophy with you."

"Okay."

They sit in silence for a moment, until McCoy clears his throat. "You still want to go to the bathroom?"

"Badly," Pike admits. "Care to give me a hand?" McCoy helps him to the toilet and into the shower, cleaning them both efficiently. Then the doc rubs him dry and brings him back to the bed.

Although Pike tries not to get nervous about his currently weak control over his legs, he's tensing when McCoy leaves and quickly returns with his tricorder. The doc runs a scan, muttering some things under his breath but smiling at last.

"Guess we outfucked you," the doc states a little smugly. "But not a problem that shouldn't be able to get fixed with some good food and sleep."

"Glad to hear that." Pike closes his eyes, rubbing his face with his hands. Deep inside his body, the orgasm from fifteen minutes ago still seems to reverberate back and forth like an echo, something he's never experienced before. Frankly, he mostly wants to lie down again, spread his legs and have the doc go another round with him, taking him again and again until he's really done, until the last bit of the arousal that's been building over the day is burned out.

But not being a mind reader, McCoy is dressing up and Pike doesn't stop him. During the scene, Pike might have felt ready to beg McCoy on his knees for something, but that submissive mindset has passed. They're going back to normal — whatever normal is between them, after this — and he's okay with it. Once he's back in knee protectors and slacks, he accepts McCoy's support for the way to the kitchen, where the other two had begun the lunch preparation together, still undressed and from the way their bodies are decorated with food, still in fooling-around mode. At least Dael is out of her dick, for which Pike is grateful.

The youngsters — as Pike sometimes calls them in his head — take a shower, and then they settle down at the ready table at last, Pike flanked by McCoy and Dael, opposite to Jim.

"As the one in charge of our terribly delayed lunch today, for which I take full responsibility, allow me to raise my voice — to yet another wonderful day," Kirk toasts, and all lift their glasses. They sparkle in the light of the room, three with the dark glow of red wine, Pike's own with the subdued gold of apple juice. "I'd like to say that I cannot put into words how much I love all of you. My wonderful husband, my wonderful Admiral, and the wonderful new addition to our round, Dael." Kirk adds a few words in Romulan that leave Dael blushing. Pike decides to ask her later for the translation.

"There have been moments in which I've been nervous, wondering what would await us on Earth, whether we'd still have a place in Chris' heart —" McCoy nods to these words — "but none of my fears have come true, and I want to thank you all so much for this. Thank you." Kirk's eyes are gleaming bright as they all cheer and clink glasses.

"Jim —" Pike says in his authoritative voice, and is a little pleased that it still works on the captain — "come over to me."

With a nervous grin, Kirk walks around the table until he's face to face with Pike.

"I wish I'd find the right words, but I'm a little brain-dead, so let me thank you this way —" Closing one hand around Kirk's head, he pulls him into deep kiss.

"Dammit, Chris," Kirk mutters with something close to a sniffle.

"Great idea," McCoy says and pulls his husband and captain around. "Thank you, Jim. Love you so much," he says before claiming Kirk's lips.

"Love you too. You're all killing me." Kirk wipes a finger over his face.

"Jim —" Dael says and beckons Kirk close. "Thank you for your acceptance and support," she says before kissing him, and it's less the depth of the kiss than a certain glow on her face afterwards that tells Pike that Dael is more than a little in love with Jim. But he's really much too happy and in love with all of them to feel jealous right now; they all belong together, each claiming the other for a short moment before moving on again, finding back into their center, their circle. He's not sure how he managed to end here, but it's quite perfect and _round_.

And if he doesn't get to eat something right now, he'll probably fall from his chair and die, and so Pike starts putting food on his plate, heartily addressing the interesting mix the two had created.

*

Later, Pike isn't sure how they end in this position from what has been supposed to be a lazy afternoon nap, the dying sun striping the room and their joined bodies in deep red. He sits against the cushioned wall, Dael straddling his lap with her back to him, his dick buried deeply in her tight ass. Until a minute ago he'd had nothing further in mind than to remind her that her ass belongs to him alone, but now he pulls her against his chest in a sudden decision, presenting her for Jim to take. It's fucking hot and all wrong and makes him feel dirtier than he'd ever felt in his life. He almost wishes Dael would make him stop, or Jim wouldn't take up the offer, but she keeps breathing, quick intakes of air, and then utters a broken _yes_ as Jim draws close and kisses her, one hand vanishing between her legs. Pike can feel her trembling in his arms which he'd slung around her upper body, and he cradles her almost invisible breasts. Kirk bends forward, licking and sucking the presented nipples, and Dael moans under the ministrations. Then Kirk finally moves forward, angling for penetration.

Pike had been on the active side of double penetration twice with men. It had always been painfully tight and he'd feared something would break, but he'd also been in awe about the great feeling of connection such a scene evokes.

Now, with Dael between them, Jim and he parted by only a strip of flesh, spreading and taking her in possession together like this is an incredible, mind-blowing feeling. When Kirk moves, they're both moaning, Pike and Dael. There's a first sobbing sound from her, and then she starts crying for real as Kirk rocks into her, heart-breaking sobs from the depths of her heart. The captain's drive falters for a moment.

"Don't stop," she presses out. "It's okay. Don't stop."

Pike nods, and so Kirk moves on, a little cautious for a moment, but she pushes him forward with her hands on his hips.

"So tight," Kirk mutters. "So hot. Damn, you're both so hot. Love you both." He kisses Dael without breaking his stride, then moves one hand to caress Pike's chin, too far away for a kiss. Pike closes his eyes as Kirk fucks them in long strides, his lips close to Dael's face, feeling her tears still running silently.

"All good," he murmurs, not sure himself if it's a question or a suggestive statement. From the way she sounds, aside the crying, all looks well. Slipping his fingers down between her legs, he meets a thumb that instantly withdraws to give him space for his fingers. She's arching against him as he covers her clit in the way she loves best.

"Ah damn!" With a groan, Kirk comes first, surprising everyone including himself, but it's enough to pull Pike with him. With his last willpower, Pike keeps his hand on Dael, using the suddenly added slickness to ease his movements on her clit, the circles he draws.

"Come for me, Dael," he roughly presses out. "Come — now!" It works, and she thrashes against his fingers and whimpers against Kirk's shoulders as she spasms and coils, debauched and messy with semen running down her inner legs. She's crying harder again, here on the spike of her orgasm, and they cradle her between them, holding her close and whispering sweet, calming words into her ears. Kirk slips out but doesn't let go of his hold until she gestures that she needs to move. Pike barely feels his legs when he tries to get up, and so he gives up and sinks back into the cushion. He watches them kiss in front of him, deep and long, before they lie down left and right of him.

It feels perfect, Pike thinks as he cradles them both in his arms for a moment, cherishing the glorious fucked-out-ness of the moment.

Then he realizes that something is amiss – someone, really, who'd been with them in the beginning and must have left some time in between.

"Help me up," he says after a while, and is glad when Kirk steadies him on his first steps.

"Shall we come with you?" Dael asks sleepily, but Pike shakes his head, giving them both a gentle squeeze.

"Just stay here. All is well." He places a kiss on Dael's lips, which she eagerly, sweetly returns, and then walks out of his bedroom.

*

Pike needs a few minutes to find McCoy huddled onto a stool out on the shadowy terrace. He instantly knows something is out of tune just from the way the doc tightly holds his folded legs in his crossed arms, his shoulder muscles corded under the thin shirt. When Pike steps out of the door, McCoy looks up with glittering eyes.

"Missed you in there," Pike says and takes a hold of McCoy, pulling him close against his chest. "What's happening to us?" he whispers, voice breaking. "I thought we were all good."

"I'm not. I'm sorry, Chris, so sorry…" McCoy sags into his embrace, tears of another quality wetting Pike's skin.

"What is it? Tell me."

"Can't stop being jealous that she got you. Got what I wanted."

"Huh?"

"I thought about moving to Earth to live with you. You and me, together."

The idea stuns Pike into silence.

"We could make it," McCoy says, clutching one arm around Pike's hips. "We could."

_Yes_, Pike thinks. They'd probably really be able to make it work. Get together, stick together happily ever after, plus or minus his health and all the little things that get on your nerves in a dedicated, closed twosome relationship. But they'd make it work. Like with Dael, the thought is such a monumental change to everything he thought he'd established about himself and his way of living that it turns his stomach.

"Let's go for a walk," he says. "Just the two of us."

When Pike goes into the bedroom for his clothes, the two youngsters are asleep, curled around each other. He's trying not to feel jealous of the way Jim holds Dael in his arms, or the way her nose is buried against his neck in her peaceful slumber.

*

They walk hand in hand through the twilight.

"For the last few months, I've thought about transferring to ground duty," McCoy says.

"You'd let Jim go on missions alone?" Pike asks incredulously, more than a little shocked.

"Chris — from all the couples that are constituted of a captain and a senior officer, we're the longest serving together. They either separate or one gets a ground assignment. There have been so many moments when I thought I couldn't do it any longer — couldn't fix him up anymore, couldn't shut down my feelings when I had to do yet another life-saving surgery on my own husband. He means so much to me, but the way we live, it's eating me alive." McCoy smiles sadly. "You once wondered how I can live with Jim being in danger, and I didn't answer because the truth would be that I can't really live with it."

"And still…"

"And still we're out there together, because I couldn't imagine ever leaving him. Maybe something in my subconscious thought we wouldn't live long enough anyway. Or that it would get easier with time, but it doesn't. It gets harder, Chris, and I fear the day when I can't handle it anymore and I make a mistake that could cost someone's life.

"As for Jim… I know there were enough moments when he hesitated to send me somewhere. Enough moments when he was sitting next to my bed when I was injured, and when I could see that it eats him a little too, over time. We're good at fixing us up afterwards, but we're ending with more and more patches and they don't hold together very well anymore."

Pike shakes his head. "Still — I don't think Jim would want you to transfer, ever."

"No, he wouldn't."

"Imagine you would get a ground assignment. If something happened to Jim out there, without you being there…"

"It would be hell," McCoy admits. "But I'm getting closer to the end of my rope. I've known of a few CMOs breaking down, and it's usually in a very critical situation. It always ends messy, and barely any of them ever gets back into a hospital. I don't want to end like that. I want to keep working, but somewhere…safer for me. For my soul."

"And you think coming back to Earth and settling with me would solve everything?" Pike says.

"Not everything. But yeah, I have thought about it. I have imagined how it might be, you and I together. And I've been good at ignoring the idea that it would work rather well, because it would shake up everything."

"And then we'd only have to transfer Dael to the _Enterprise_, and they could have the same happily-ever-after as we do," Pike says, suddenly angry. "That's your plan, doc?"

McCoy stops him, facing him. "I don't have a plan, Chris. I don't have a solution, and I feel like I'm reaching another bombastic all-going-to-hell point like I did with my first marriage. And I don't want that again." It's the subtle shaking in McCoy's body that completely dispels Pike's anger, because whatever they should do about this mess, he'd do his damnedest to get everyone out of it alive and whole. This might be a no-win situation, but it doesn't have to be an all-lose game either.

"Come here, doc. Leonard." He draws McCoy into another embrace, holding onto him for dear life. There goes the safeness of the nickname and the self-lie that he doesn't have a favorite among them for which he'd raise heaven and hell just a little more than he'd do for all of them. Would he be able to send McCoy away if he knocked on his door? No way, no matter the consequences.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," McCoy half-sobs into his ear. "I don't want you to hate me for ruining everything. I don't want to hurt Jim. I just… "

"I'll never hate you. Leonard. We can't change our feelings. I love you, I love you more than any other being in this universe, and we'll find a solution. I promise." Pike holds him tightly until the trembling subsides; then they slowly walk home.

*

When they return home, the others are waiting for them, instantly realizing that something is wrong.

"You're making me nervous. You're making us nervous," Kirk states, his face unusually tense and serious as they all sit in the living room, Pike and McCoy on the couch, the others on armchairs. "Please, talk to us."

It's already _us_ and _you_, Pike notes, his heart aching before they even start speaking. He'd always assumed they'd reach some breaking point sooner or later but he'd not expected it when it had looked all so comparatively easy; four people who worked well together, more or less in love with each other and knowing each other so well… But if he even doesn't know himself so often, how should anyone know anything better?

"Maybe I should leave you alone," Dael murmurs.

"No, I don't think so," Kirk answers instantly. "You're a part of us. You're an important part of Chris' life." As her uneasy gaze remains, he adds more seriously, "When the three of us got together, we were the first lovers in ten years who were allowed to cross the threshold of his apartment. We were the only ones until you, Dael. That correct, Chris? John was never here, right?"

Pike nods. "Only the two of you and Dael."

"And you don't just sleep here once in a while, you basically moved in."

She shakes her head a little but remains put in her chair, body folded with arms tightly around her knees.

Kirk nods and turns to his husband. "Bones. Please. I know you've been in a bad mood lately and I couldn't find out what exactly the problem was. Since we're here all seemed to be okay, but now… please talk to me."

"I —" McCoy starts but visibly doesn't find the words. "Jim…"

Pike presses the doc's hand, the hand he barely let go off during the last hour. "Say what's eating you, Leonard. Just say it."

"I can't be your CMO any longer," McCoy blurts out, like an erupting volcano. "I just can't."

"Okay, because?" Kirk replies unnaturally calmly.

"It's tearing me apart, every time I've got to operate on you. Every time you're away on a planet and I don't hear from you for hours. Every time they bring you in, those first seconds when I'm not sure if you're even still alive and if I've got any chance to rescue you. It's fine as long as you're on my table but when the waiting starts, it's just killing me again. It's eating me alive, feeling secure with you and then seeing you all but ripped apart from me a second later, and it never gets better, it only gets worse." McCoy pulls away from Pike and slumps forward on the couch, hands twisted into each other between his slightly spread knees. "I can't go on like this."

"And what do you think is the solution?" Kirk asks.

"I thought about a transfer. A transfer to Earth. Chris didn't know, only told him a few minutes ago, but I thought about coming back here and moving in with him. Started to think about that before Dael even came into the picture." McCoy looks at her. "Don't want to take him away from you, girl. Never wanted to do that. I'm so damn glad that you saved his life and I know that he loves you. I don't want to steal him, but I couldn't stop the idea from developing, how it might be with me on Earth with him. To have a place where I wouldn't have to fear for the worst every second."

"You know that that's a little unrealistic, given that Chris might have another health breakdown any moment." Kirk puts into words what Pike thinks, and it hurts but it's only the truth.

"I know. But it still feels like a calculated risk. On the _Enterprise_, it's like roulette, and I feel like I'm working against the odds every day. And I can't bear the thought of losing you, Jim," McCoy says, voice starting to shake. "I can't live anymore with the constant fear that you could die because I don't manage to save you. That it might be my fault when you die, because I'm too weak and my hands shake and I'm just not good enough." His voice fails.

Kirk briefly closes his eyes, then opens them to look into the round, including all of them. "It's not like I didn't think about that before — of how it would be if Bones went to Earth to live with you, Chris. And damn if it wouldn't be good for him. I know that; I can see that, the two of you living together, busy but embedded in a routine that's manageable and not putting such a strain on Bones." McCoy looks at Kirk with a light frown. "Bones — don't think I'd ever think you're weak. I've been in your place a few times, waiting for the results of _your_ surgery, and it almost killed me. And I told Chris that when the news about his accident came in, I was busy cheering you all up but inside of me, it ate me like it ate you. I was just better at hiding it.

"So yes — it would be better for you if you transferred. And I know that." With two quick steps, Kirk walks to him and goes down on his knees in front of his husband. "But I'm also selfish, Bones. I need you. I don't think I could really live without you by my side, and I'd surely not be the captain I need to be without you. So I thought what I could offer you in exchange — yes, I thought about that a few times already — and this is what I could offer: In about two years, the Enterprise is due for a major refit — right, Chris?"

"Correct," Pike agrees with a nod.

Kirk looks back at Bones. "When it happens, I offer to step down as captain of the _Enterprise_ so that I can come with you. I'd follow you wherever you wanted to go. It would be your choice — here with Chris on Earth or somewhere else, some planet with the best medical research — whatever you need, Bones. It's your choice." Kirk captures his partner's hands. "If that doesn't work for you, we'd have to talk and see what other solution we could find, but that would be my preference. To step down with you in two years and then live together somewhere." He glances at Pike.

"I could even see us on a farm, the three or four of us, having horses and some land and — children." Kirk laughs a little roughly. "I know you all hate the idea but I say it anyway because this is a moment of truth." He gets up, walking in a circle and meeting eyes with all of them. "We could have children, be a real family. They could be Dael's or someone else's, maybe adopted — it's not about biology, it would be about what we feel for each other and for them. Think about it!"

A sudden, dead silence falls over the room as Kirk stops, his challenge in the air.

Pike closes his eyes, pressing the heel of his hand against his temple. The image of Jim and him sitting on a fence suddenly returns, and what Tom had said about Jim playing with the kids, and how much Dael is craving the emotional stability she'd once found in her family. Maybe it would be for all the wrong reasons if they did it, but this is obviously the day for throwing old ideas over board and facing new ones, no matter how strange, and damn if he can't see it.

"Sounds like a great idea," Pike says slowly, and opens his eyes. He meets Dael's completely unreadable gaze, and tries to give her a little smile to show that he includes her in the plan. "The four of us on a farm, raising children — yes."

"You're crazy," McCoy says with a shaky laugh. "You can't be serious. You never even wanted children!"

"I was never given the choice," Pike corrects him. "The one partner who thought of children brought the theme up when he was already breaking up with me. Before that, he had never as much as hinted at the possibility." Pike looks at Dael. "I agree with Jim, this wouldn't be about biological children, so you shouldn't feel forced in any way, Dael. You're just at the beginning of your career."

She nods with a frown, but doesn't say a thing.

"Living on a farm — you'd die of boredom!" McCoy stares at his husband.

"I'm not saying that we've got to become full time farmers." Kirk smiles. "You'd be working in a hospital or a research facility, and there are many things I could do — I could work in the HQ like Chris does, or I could see if there are other career options outside of the 'fleet." He takes a deep breath. "I just wanted to show that there are options for the future, Bones, other options besides staying on the _Enterprise_ forever, and that I'm willing to go for these options." Returning to McCoy, he goes down on one knee again. "The most important thing in my life is you, Bones, and I want you to be happy. And I'm willing and able to give up the _Enterprise_ for that, but I'd prefer to do so in two years. Do you think you'd be able to live with that?"

McCoy blinks, his eyes unnaturally shining in the low light of the room. "I think I could do that, Jim. Guess I could, yes. Jesus, just talking about it took so much of the weight from me. Thank you so much." With something close to a sob he pulls Kirk into a bear hug, and they're laced into each other for a long moment.

At last, Kirk draws a little away and looks at Pike. "You're happy with that solution too, Chris? I know how much you love Bones…"

"You belong together," Pike says calmly. "You've once said you're a package deal, and while I can't deny that I wouldn't ever be able to close my door to Leonard if he needs me, I feel much better with the prospect that you're both on the _Enterprise_. Any solution that leaves you both happy and together is the solution I could settle with best. I never wanted to come between the two of you."

"There's always a risk in having this kind of relationship," Kirk says, then turns back at McCoy. "I love you so much, Bones. I'd give the universe for you if I could."

"Shit, Jim, I know." McCoy sinks forward until their foreheads rest against each other's. "I love you too…"

Pike waves Dael, and they quietly leave the room.

*

"Are you really okay with that?" Dael asks when they are in the corridor. "I know that you love Leonard very much."

Pike pulls her close with a little sigh. "And I love you. And I love Jim, and the idea of the two separating with me being part of the reason is terrible for me. After the last days, I can see us all living together in the future, but it's got to be in a way that keeps us together. Leaving nobody behind."

She leans into his embrace, her body a little stiff. He rubs down her back, wondering whether this is only about him and the doc, or something else.

"Would you want to serve on the _Enterprise_?" he asks.

"No," she says instantly. "I like Jim a lot, and sometimes I look at us from outside and marvel about how I can feel like an equal to someone who's a big hero to everyone. But if I were on the _Enterprise_, we wouldn't be equal anymore. Nothing would be like here."

"True." Pike rubs her neck, cradling her head against his shoulder. "My darling…"

"Really?" She looks at him a little uneasy.

"Yes. And all mine right now." He pulls her into the bedroom, not giving in to her playful resistance and her claim that she's really done.

"This isn't about sex," he says as they curl around each other in bed. "This is about me reminding you that there's a reason why you are in my life."

"Is there?"

Pike wonders — there's a lingering, unvoiced insecurity that seems to run deeper than the easy question. "Why do you ask like that?"

"Just… ah, doesn't matter." She closes her eyes, snuggling closer.

"It sounds as if it matters," he says quietly, stroking through her hair that's gone to enchantingly new levels of _messy_ and _spiky_ over the last days.

"Not right now." There's a tiny smile on her face, growing as she relaxes under his caresses. They fall asleep like this.

*

After the emotional ride of the last evening, it's probably logical that the couples keep to each other at first on this new morning, Pike spooning Dael for sex and Kirk giving McCoy a blowjob, beautiful noises of arousal filling the room. But they're still close to each other, exchanging gazes, running errant hands over nearby bodies.

Suddenly, Pike has an idea so hot that just thinking of it makes his orgasm spike. He groans and shudders, coming inside of Dael with his hand on her clit, but not finishing her off. She whimpers in a wordless complaint, but stills as he protectively puts his palm on her sex. He pulls out and wraps one of his legs around her right one to spread her open on her back.

Next to them, Kirk stops his actions, leaving the doc just as heavily breathing. Pike captures Kirk's gaze, receiving a smirk and a nod. When Kirk withdraws from the doc's dick, Pike says to McCoy, "Lick her."

McCoy's eyes snap open as the order registers.

"Please…" the doc gasps, his forehead creasing over some inner battle.

"You want him to lick you?" Pike asks Dael, because McCoy needs to hear it from her lips. Pike is sure that she wants more of the doc but never would dare to ask. He can only hope she gives the right answer now.

She sucks in a quick breath, then nods. "Yes."

"You heard the lady," Kirk whispers into Bones' ear, eyes gleaming. "Don't let her wait."

Pike expects more of a struggle, but the doc gives in surprisingly fast, rolling over and dropping down to angle his head between her legs, giving her a first tentative lick along the length of her clit. His tongue plays over the hot red nub and around it, and Pike can't stop watching it because he's never seen Leonard do that for a woman. The doc is working determined and straight-forward, his administrations quickly answered by her low gasps. She curves into the touch, biting her bottom lip as she fights off orgasm.

"Look at her, Bones," Kirk breathes. "Look how she loves you doing it."

McCoy sweeps his gaze over Dael's face, contorted in arousal, and it seems to add to his own agitation as he returns to his task with a groan, rotating his hips against the mattress. When she comes, her groin jerks against his mouth in a motion of riding, and he keeps working with his tongue and lips until she's curling away from the touch, over-sensitive and spent.

"Lovely," McCoy whispers, placing a few wet kisses along Dael's thighs before getting up on his knees. Pike throws him a towel, and McCoy self-consciously wipes his face before carefully rubbing her dry.

"Come here," Pike says and pulls McCoy down between himself and Dael. Kirk follows swiftly, kneeling down over McCoy's legs.

"Your time to enjoy yourself," Pike says.

"Yes," Kirk says with vibrant blue eyes. "Let us please you. Let her please you."

On McCoy's side, Dael starts stroking his chest.

"Would you like that, Dael?" Pike asks.

"Yes, very much."

"No," McCoy says instantly, shaking his head. "Not that."

"You're sure?" Dael gets up on one elbow, looking at him. "I really would like to do something for you. Just tell me what." She puts a chaste kiss on his lips, and McCoy answers it, but when they break apart, he shakes his head once more.

"Thanks for the offer, Dael. I appreciate it but I'm sure," McCoy says seriously. Pike and Kirk exchange another glance, and Kirk shrugs. It had been a good start but this is obviously the current limit, so they give up at their attempt of closing that one missing connection of their foursome.

"Well, Bones," Kirk says and bows his head to give the faltered erection a long lick. "Guess it's my turn then to do something about this."

For a second, McCoy looks like refusing but then Kirk swallows his dick in whole and any words that may have lingered get drowned out by the whimpers that are coaxed out of him instead. They turn up in volume as Kirk sits up, rotates McCoy's hips a little to raise one leg, and pushes inside. Pike captures McCoy's mouth, slipping his tongue deep inside, while Dael sucks at the nipple closest to her, her fingers on the other one. Under the triple onslaught, McCoy doesn't last long and comes with a groan from the depths of his chest, his come shooting up high. Kirk follows swiftly, then draws out and basically falls all over McCoy.

They all cling together, touching and kissing each other.

"We love you, Leonard. We love you so much," Pike says. "You'll never be alone. You'll always have a home with us."

"Never alone," Kirk repeats, kissing his husband.

"Stop doing that to me," McCoy mutters weakly. "Damn overemotional trip you're putting me on." He angles for a tissue to blow his nose dramatically.

Pike agrees; he feels annoyingly sappy too, and is relieved when the currently most rational part of their cloverleaf, namely Dael, slips out of bed to break the spell. "Take a shower with me?" she offers her hand, and McCoy accepts it. They leave together.

"Damn, I'm glad it worked," Pike states with his eyes on them, so relieved he feels like floating.

"Thank you for yesterday," Kirk says as he stretches out next to Pike.

"Wouldn't ever take him from you," Pike says, looking at him. "I couldn't do that."

"I know you don't want to. But at least I'd know where he'd go." Kirk sighs. "That's quite a thing, four people in love."

Pike pulls him close. "I really love the idea with the farm," he whispers into the ear of his wonderful young captain. "Even though chances are I won't be there when it happens."

"Don't say that," Kirk states. "Bones tells me you're stable, so don't you dare talk about dying on us."

"I'm not talking about dying, Jim. But chances are I'll end up as a full nursing case sooner or later."

"That bad? I know I painted you having another brain failure as worst case scenario for Bones yesterday, but —" Kirk's voice trails off.

"The doc and Naaz do their best to keep me out of the chair, but there's just no telling how it will develop." Pike strokes his face, following the lines of tiny wrinkles with his fingertips. "I changed my will recently. In case of my death, the apartment would go to Dael and the club would go to the two of you. My money would be split between charity and you all."

"We don't need your money, Chris," Kirk says almost angrily.

"I know. I just wanted to let you know that I sorted a few things. I'll also make sure that if I'm in coma for longer than three years, someone's going to pull the plug on me."

"Pulling a plug?" Someone asks from behind, and Pike turns his head to meet the doc's eyes. Dael is close behind McCoy, a dry towel in hand — obviously, the two hadn't made it into the shower yet.

"Don't you dare to even think of this," McCoy snaps in a tone Pike has never heard from him before. The doc is on him in quick steps, sitting down on the bed and clamping a strong hand around his jaw. "Don't you dare to arrange something like that! No matter how much you think you wrote every possibility into your will, you don't know what medicine can do tomorrow! Nobody will pull a plug on you, only over my dead body!"

"I don't want to vegetate in bed forever," Pike states sharply, forcing away McCoy's hand. "If I've got to go, I want to go in dignity!"

"You can't imagine what pulling the plug does to the people around you. What if someone finds the cure the next day, what then? They'll feel like your murderer forever!"

"How likely is that to happen?" Pike asks with a strangled laugh. "How likely, doc?"

"Likely enough that it happened to me," McCoy shouts in his face. "After I pulled the plug on my father."

"You didn't…" The words die on Pike's tongue as realization settles. Yes, McCoy has done that. The truth is written all over his face, in his desperate eyes.

"God, Leonard." Pike grabs him hard, keeping him from running. "Shit. I didn't know. I didn't know." Clamping his arms around the man that curls in his arms, he holds onto him. Kirk is on his knees, covering McCoy's back with his body. Even Dael draws close, a little hesitantly at first but then covering McCoy's left side at the edge of the bed, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't know," Pike says again, now with his eyes on Kirk.

"He never told anyone but me," Kirk says quietly.

McCoy sits up a little, raising his head to meet Pike's gaze. "I'm sorry, Chris. I can see where you're coming from, but I can't bear the idea that you'd want to go like that. Ever since you were on my table after Jim rescued you from the Narada, you've been a special patient for me. You wanted me onboard the Enterprise because you thought I was one of the best, and I am, and I'm ready to prove that again and again. So don't you fucking dare to go before your time, because every day you're still alive is a day I might still be able to do something for you."

_You don't have to heal me because you couldn't heal your father_, Pike thinks, but he doesn't need to see Kirk's warning gaze to settle on just hugging McCoy again, saying, "Trust me that I want to stay with you as long as I can." He takes McCoy's face in both hands, kissing him intensely. "Love you, doc. Love you so much."

"Love you too. Love you all." McCoy turns and pulls Kirk into a kiss, then cradles one arm around Dael's slim hip and places a kiss on her stomach.

It takes them a few more minutes to calm down, and _damn_, Pike is really done with emotional rollercoasters for the day – and they haven't even had breakfast yet. He gently unlaces himself from McCoy, leaving him to the care of his husband, and goes to take a shower with Dael.

*

They prepare breakfast, but it takes two hours before the others leave the bedroom and soon join them in the living room with steaming cups of coffee in their hands. Obviously as wrung out from the start of the day as Pike feels, they spend the day mostly with reading, cooking and watching some news, settling in a weirdly domestic routine they'd never shared before.

In the late afternoon, Pike and Kirk decide to go for a shopping round on foot. It's a bit challenging for Pike but at least this time he's got someone to carry the bags. He's surprised as on the way back home, Kirk changes the route and they end in a little park Pike hadn't been to before.

"It's a wonderful place," Pike notes as they sit down on a bench next to a small pond. "I didn't know there's that much nature so close to home."

"Dael told me about it," Kirk says. "I'm sure she'd love to come here with you."

"I'm going to ask her." Pike stares at the water, watching some ducks paddling over the otherwise smooth surface. "Speaking of asking…"

Kirk turns his head towards him, his expression thoughtful.

"You weren't really surprised about Leonard's breakdown, were you?"

Kirk looks away, then cranes his neck left and right as if to get rid of some imaginary pain. "No, I wasn't," he replies at last.

"What happened?"

"You know what happened," Kirk says with a glance back at him. "Aranka happened. When we finally rescued them, I could see it in Bones' eyes… Aranka broke something inside of him, much like the _Narada_ did with you. He hasn't been the same ever since."

"He never speaks of it. Not that I tried a lot either but…"

"No, he doesn't." Kirk says flatly. "His staff shoved him into some therapeutic sessions but it's all been going on behind closed doors. I'm not even sure he realizes what exactly has gone, but I know. Before Aranka, he had complete trust in me. No matter how fucked-up the situation, he trusted me to have the best for us in mind. That I'd make the right decisions and that even if they turn out to be an error, that I'd be able to keep everyone safe. It's only because of that rather irrational trust that he managed to remain with me in space for so long. I've been his anchor — his promise. It's been my job to keep him safe. I failed." He briefly rubs his face with his hands. "To be frank, Aranka broke something inside of me too. I've been more cautious since then, less inclined to risk anyone's life but my own. Which didn't really help the problem as it made me end up in sickbay even more often." Kirk sighs.

"Right after Aranka, he withdrew into his own cabin, something he's never done before. He only came back when we got word of your accident. If not for his need to share his concern and loneliness, he might have stayed away... left me, maybe."

"He'd never leave you," Pike says.

"Came close enough," Kirk says quietly, and then a little broken, "Shit."

Wordlessly, Pike draws his arm around Kirk's shoulder and pulls him closer, not caring that they're sitting on a bench at a public path in bright daylight.

"It's going to be okay," he says and strokes Kirk's shoulder. "You'll get it fixed."

"Looks like, yes. Not the least thanks to you."

"No, Jim. You saved it by the way you handled his crisis. I wanted him to stay on the _Enterprise_ but I didn't know how to solve his problem."

"That wouldn't have been in your might — it's been between Bones and me. But if you had said that you wanted him on Earth…not sure if he would have listened much to me anymore."

Pike shakes his head. "Jim, you sell yourself totally short right now. You may have had your problems lately but you definitely belong together. He loves you, and you've got a life together."

"He loves you too, and you would be able to build one together." Kirk rests his head against Pike's shoulder. "You match damn well, do you know that? Sometimes when I see you together, it just blows me away how well you fit, and the feeling is getting stronger with every vacation."

"You're not making me speak about Dael and you now," Pike states warningly.

Kirk smiles. "She's marvelous. And she loves you more than you grant her at times."

"I think we are all fabulous together, each to their own," Pike says. Then a thought catches him.

"I don't know how you do it, Jim. How you can be so cool about it all — sharing the ones you love? So gracious. Barely ever jealous or possessive. At times I thought you only pretend it but you don't, do you? It's really how you feel. Why?"

Kirk looks at the pond. "I was still a kid when I read a quote of a famous 20th century philosopher named Welles: _We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone._ Once I understood that, everything got a lot easier."

Pike frowns. "That's probably the saddest philosophy I ever encountered," he says spontaneously.

Kirk sits up and faces him, huffing an incredulous laugh. "Tell me if I'm wrong, Chris, but you seemed to have spent most of your life alone."

"Being alone was just normal to me," Pike says. "But I didn't make a philosophy out of it."

"Well – once I made it my philosophy, I was able to embrace every good thing and every good person that came into my life. I live in the moment whenever I can, because that's all we all have. I cherish every good day, I accept every bad day. I'm not a saint, far from it. I do my share of hurting others. But I try to live every day as gracious as possible, and to be there for the people I love."

"You still expect to be alone in the end," Pike states.

"In the end, we all are alone," Kirk says with a shrug. "Having someone share your life for a while is the best thing you can get, but when the paths move apart… there's nothing you can do but to accept that."

"But you've been fighting for Leonard."

"Sure. I wouldn't have let him just walk away. But I've been ready to let him walk to you." Kirk hesitates as if another thought catches up with him but then only shrugs once more.

"Let's go home," he says and gets up, ending their talk.

*

It's much later in the night, after another intense evening, that Pike is lying in the dark and half listening, half watching the couple next to him. They are one large shadow; only from the way the upper half rocks against the other, he knows what's happening. It's intimate and gentle and so beautiful, because it radiates _Jim&amp;Bones_ in a way Pike has never seen before. Until this vacation, they've always focused on him when they'd all been together, but now they are free to enjoy each other too, and it's damn clear to Pike that they really need that time for each other too.

The image and the quiet sounds evoke an incredible warmth in Pike's chest; the words, however, make his throat tight – whispered lines, breathed more than spoken.

_"Don't ever leave me, Bones. I wouldn't know what to do without you. Love you so much."_

_"I love you too, kid." _

_"You haven't called me kid in ages, Bones… fuck… "_ There's a tiny sniff, and Pike can imagine Jim's face because he'd seen him cry once before, the way the tears break when the man's shell of _all easy, all game_ is cracked open and shows the vulnerable core to the two, maybe three people he shows it to at all. Maybe he's not as embracing of the idea of being without his loved ones as his philosophy would suggest, after all.

With effort, Pike swallows the sigh that threatens to rise in the back of his throat and rolls away from them to the other side, burying his nose in Dael's hair. He searches his heart, checking for the jealousy that catches him so hard once in a while — and right now it's gone, so completely that he can't even conjure the feeling. Each of them needs all of the others, each fills a bit and piece nobody else could, it's an incredible mix.

He just wishes he could capture this forever, he thinks as he falls asleep much later, one hand on Dael, his other reaching out to rest on Jim's hip, lacing with McCoy's fingers.

Well, maybe he could… 

*

It's the last day before the _Enterprise men_ are scheduled to depart, and Pike and McCoy meet in the kitchen incredibly early, enjoying a quiet coffee together in a loose embrace.

"I'm really happy by the way this vacation developed. I was really concerned beforehand," McCoy mutters, stirring Pike out of thoughts about the call he'd just made.

"Why?" Pike asks, although he guesses he knows the answer.

"I know that your relationship with Dael has been made public and your reputation and position survived it so far. But imagine we would've met here and anything went wrong and she'd gone to Nogura to complain. Three grown, adult men and a young girl like her — even if the accusation was dropped, just think what that would do to Jim's career."

That's not the reason Pike had thought to hear, and he frowns in surprise. "She's not the type, doc. Even if something went wrong, she'd be able to talk with us."

"You never know, Chris. Not really. Now that I know her a little better, I'd be inclined to agree that she's not the kind of girl to suddenly turn the tables on us — but people have the strangest weak spots. I saw how she was in tears when the two of you had her in that sandwich. It seemed okay for her and she was good with it later, but sometimes people have second thoughts the day after and don't deal well."

Pike's frown deepens. "I'm sorry for not having thought about the possible damage she could do to your reputation."

"Ah, Chris —" McCoy relents. "It's not as if Jim and I didn't participate in enough things that could damage our reputation. But Dael's been a kind of blank for me. I was sure you wouldn't fall for anyone who's not okay – but on the other hand, you are emotionally more vulnerable than in the past and that might give someone the chance to manipulate you."

"It gets better and better," Pike says, not sure anymore how to interpret all this. "What do you really want to say, doc?"

"Well, maybe the gist is — I'm glad it all worked out. And I guess a part of that is that there's been no sexual abuse in her past. Because that kind of shit just does things to people they hardly get over, and that was my major concern."

"That she'd have some survivor background and get a flashback?"

"Exactly." McCoy intently looks at him. "You thought about that beforehand?"

"I did, and I'm very sure that she's got no such things in her history." Or if she had had them, then the Vulcans had made sure of the memories being gone. "Personally, I was very sure that if we got any problems between the four of us, it would be me acting up regarding her relationship with Jim."

McCoy pulls him close. "You managed fine, Chris. Great job."

"Wouldn't have been able without you."

"Nothing of this would've been able without all of us."

"Though it would've been easier for you without Dael —"

"But that would have left you all alone." McCoy presses a kiss on the side of his face. "I'm glad to know you won't be alone when we've got to leave again."

"I'm glad too," Pike admits, voice low, and they remain in the embrace for a while, caressing and kissing each other.

"Can't stay on my feet any longer," Pike murmurs at last, reluctantly breaking the embrace.

"You don't have to," McCoy says, lowering him onto the warm kitchen floor and slipping down between his legs.

"You're all going to kill me." Pike whines a little as McCoy's fingers curl around his half-hard erection.

"I know your medical file, your heart works perfectly fine," the doc states with a smile, his fingers edging along the sack, cradling his balls for a moment before returning to his dick. "And your dick works fine too," he says and trails his tongue along Pike's length.

"Gonna suck you dry, Chris, right here on the floor. Gonna make you come so hard…"

And damn if the doc didn't keep his word.

*

"We've got a date," Pike says right after lunch.

"A date?" Three pairs of eyes focus on him in question.

"I want all of you looking your best, on all levels." Pike waves at the growing fluff on Kirk's chest.

"Including shaving?" McCoy asks.

"Of all parts you want to shave."

"You're going to take us to a mass orgy?" Kirk jokes, but Dael shakes her head, suddenly looking like mischief.

"You know where he's going to drag us," Kirk says accusingly, poking her. She quickly slips off the barstool to the other side to escape his teasing.

"I'd venture a guess, but I wouldn't want to spoil the admiral's surprise treat." Dael captures Pike's hand, placing a kiss onto it. The gesture and the title in combination do fantastic things to Pike's blood flow, but he's playing it cool.

"The shaving goes for you, too," he says.

"Including the head?" she asks, brushing through her hair.

"Not for me," Pike admits. "Though if you prefer to – it's your choice."

"Then I won't do it." She smiles a little, its sweetness the usual, strange contradiction to her tattoos. "I'll get ready."

"I'll come right with you," Pike says, hurriedly following her.

"I'll bet," is the last he hears of McCoy, and he shouts back, "One hour, then we've got to leave. And dress up!"

In a surge of energy, he fucks her from behind against the shower walls, one hand clutching her hip, the other one reached around to cup her clit, and they come together, breathless and sweaty. Good thing that they are already in the shower.

They're in time anyway, just as their lovers who just lay the last hands on their outfits.

"You didn't specify whether uniforms or not, so we gathered that it was to be chic off-duty attire," McCoy says.

"Definitely fits the bill," Pike says with a low, appreciating whistle. McCoy is in dark-blue tight jeans and a white, buttoned cotton shirt that leaves some skin visible, Kirk in matching jeans and a black silk shirt.

"You're no slouch either," Kirk states with a gleam in his eyes. Pike is in black tight pants and a dark-grey silk shirt, Dael is in matching black pants with a buttoned black leather vest with shimmering applications on it. As she wears no shirt, there's some skin visible between pants and the vest, her arms are free.

"I hope so. Let's go," Pike says.

*

It's late in the evening when they finally sit in a quiet corner in their favorite restaurant and take a look at the best preview pictures from the hundreds the fetish photographer has taken.

"I'll definitely order some to hang them up next to Dael's shots," Pike says, one hand on Dael's leg.

Kirk scrolls through the thumbnails, enlarging one or the other picture with a wistful smile. "I wish we could do that, but most of them aren't fit for hanging them up in our quarters. These ones, maybe." He selects two of the group shots that have them all together and clothed. In the first, they stand in a line but the basic couples are showing, Dael more leaning against Pike and McCoy with his arm around Kirk. In the second, it's Pike and McCoy standing close together, with Kirk and Dael each down on one knee in front of them.

"Dads and sons," Kirk jokes, and grins as Pike frowns a little. "No worry, just kidding."

"I think we could get away with one of the erotic ones, as long as nobody is recognizable," McCoy says, snatching the PADD from Kirk's hand. He enlarges the shot in which only their groins are visible; Pike and Dael spooning on their left, Kirk and McCoy on their right side facing them, and the shot taken from above so that it only showed their middle and left all details literally in the dark, making it almost look like just some geometric pattern, white on a black background.

"I was so hard…" McCoy murmurs and shifts a little.

"You _are_ so hard," Kirk grins and pats his groin under the table.

Pike leans back, lazily draping his arm around Dael's shoulder. He's had a few sips of white wine and hopes the food will come soon, because he's starved. His coordination is a little for the worse after hours of photo shooting that had been surprisingly strenuous, but it's been the best investment in a long time. Soon, he wouldn't just have Dael's pictures but also pictures of Kirk and McCoy in his — their — living-room, beautiful visual reminders of the great people in their life.

"Which ones are your favorites?" McCoy asks him, giving him the PADD.

Pike scrolls through them. There's Kirk's face from the side, half-buried between Dael's spread legs, his lips almost touching her sweet spot – one of the more explicit shots. There's McCoy standing behind Kirk, wrapping his arms protectively around his husband, and another one taken from a strange angle, where McCoy bends Kirk over a desk, his hand suggestively vanishing between the cheeks. There's Dael cradling McCoy's head against the curve of her neck with his lips on her skin, surprisingly protective, and one where Dael and Kirk take McCoy between them, covering him.

No question who is the most vulnerable among them when it comes to relationships, because he'd been burned the hardest already. 

There's him and McCoy, bare-chested and just looking at each other with each a hand high between them, fingers laced together. There's Dael on her back and him on all fours over her, licking her chest tattoos. There's Jim kneeling in front of him with one hand curled around his left leg and his head leaning against his upper thigh, shadowing his groin.

"I've got several, but this is my personal favorite," Pike says at last, and shows his pick to Dael first. "Could be out of a porn magazine," she says amused.

"My own private porn, with the people I love," he admits, and shows it to his lovers. It has him sitting on a couch, legs spread. Jim kneels in front of him, head lowered over his groin, with McCoy suggestively behind him although they hadn't actually had sex in front of the camera. Dael is kneeling to Pike's right on the couch, three fingers of her left hand in his mouth, her right hand buried in Jim's hair, meeting McCoy's touch there. Pike has one hand on Kirk's head and his other between her legs, leaving little to assume either.

"It looks like one hell of an orgy," Kirk says appreciating. "We should try that for real."

"Once we'd actually move, it wouldn't be half as much fun as it looks," McCoy says. "But I've got to admit it looks fucking hot."

"Very hot," Pike says, clicking it away. He's proud about the way the ensemble picture works, all four of them together. Just for this one, all the credits he spent on the photographer were worth it. "I've got a hard-on, and I want the food so that we can go home and have mind-blowing sex." He gives the PADD back to his men and pulls Dael into a deep, open-mouthed, languishing kiss.

Kirk laughs. "If you keep doing that, they'll kick us out for indecent behavior," he says, but it's not as if that could stop Pike right now.

"Chris, dammit —" McCoy mutters, but that doesn't stop Pike either because this feels much too good, Dael's tongue battling his and _damn_ if she doesn't know how to turn him on.

"Restroom," she orders when they come up for air, and he runs with it.

"Best idea of the evening," Kirk states, pulling up McCoy too.

"I can't believe she's as bad as any of you," McCoy grouches but comes with them anyway. "And there I thought she was an innocent girl…"

"I was, before I met Christopher," Dael agrees and laces her hand into McCoy's shirt the second they enter the empty men's restroom, unbuttoning it.

There's no more protest from the doc as all four burn off some of their pent-up arousal in a first, quick explosion, a delicious starter for a long night awaiting them.

*

On the next morning, the _Enterprise_ men's mood is more than sober.

"I really don't feel like leaving," Kirk says, curled around Pike in the middle of the bed.

"Then maybe you should start reading your messages," Pike says amused.

"Huh?" Kirk sits up, then scrambles out of bed to hurry to the office.

"What did you do?" McCoy asks sleepily, but Pike only keeps smirking.

Minutes later, Kirk returns. "We've got another four days on Earth!" he almost shouts. "What the hell —?" He stares at Pike, wiggling his forefinger at him. "That was your doing!"

"Well — yes." Pike doesn't hide his smile.

Kirk jumps back into bed. "We tried so hard to extend the stay but Barnett's deputy Rolloy kept blocking it – how did you manage that?"

"I told Nogura that the best officers in town need a few more days of good sex."

McCoy rolls his eyes. "I hope you didn't say it quite like this."

Pike shrugs. "After Dael, Nogura has stopped being surprised about anything I might bring up."

"I bet."

Dael curls around Pike with a sigh. "So can we all sleep a little longer now?" she asks with a yawn.

"She's got a point," McCoy says agreeing, and tries to pull Kirk back into position between them, but Kirk refuses.

"I'm all awake. Better start setting the breakfast table."

"I'm with you," Pike says, and they move to the kitchen, grinning as the instant, slight snoring of their better halves follows them.

*

The first day of the extended vacation is slow; somehow, they'd burned off most of their sexual energy in the wrap-up of the last day, and now they are too emotionally exhausted and just plain outfucked to engage in anything big. After a short discussion, they end on the beach with a ball. Pike soon needs to bow out and sits down on a bench, enjoying the sight of his playful gang. He's joined by McCoy ten minutes later, with some grumbling about the _damn kids_ that kept beating him up. There's something cozy about how they sit side by side and watch the two younger members of the cloverleaf play a very intense, high-speed game of beach volleyball.

"I thought about changing my personal status," Pike says out of the blue. "Adding all of you as my partners. It's not like getting officially married or anything but…"

"…close enough," McCoy completes the sentence. "Would look a little strange when one-sided, so I guess it's all or none of us, right?"

"Yes. Thought about bringing up the theme later. Once dropped it with Jim, and he would go with it." Pike tilts his head as he notices McCoy's thoughtful glance. "Anything wrong with it?"

"Dael's in her second year. In three months, she's going to transfer for her first on-ship duty, right?"

"Yes."

"I doubt it would be a good idea if any potential captain or XO could tumble over the fact that she's with a plural _us_. Especially when all our names come up."

"I see your point. Although I don't like it." Pike sighs a little. "Tagging people as partners is the easiest way to ensure proper proceedings and information channels if anything goes wrong."

"Well, considering that I've got pretty much a wire to your brain via Anumanchi, I don't think we'd need that additional fallback layer," McCoy points out. "And if anything happens to Jim and me, you'd be among the first ones to know anyway. Given that Nogura knows about Dael, she'd also be in the loop even if she'd be on a training cruise. And there's Nat, right? She knows Dael."

"Yes, she does." Pike leans against the man at his side. "You're right, I won't bring up the subject. Dael shouldn't be judged by who she's associated with but on her own rights and achievements."

"I bet you'll find a good ship for her." McCoy's hand rubs over his back, easing some tension away.

"I'll try." There's a light smile around Pike's lips. "Not the _Enterprise_, though."

"No, that wouldn't be good," McCoy agrees. "She needs a ship on which she can prove to herself and everyone else that she's doing good work. With us… chances are the relationship would come out and that would put everything in a bad light."

Pike nods. "Guess a part of me just would've liked to make it official."

McCoy smiles. "I know that feeling." His hand brushes upwards, curling in Pike's neck. "Getting you all tagged as mine, yeah, that's something I would like too," he whispers, his smile broadening.

"All?" Pike asks, giving the doc a side-glance.

"All," McCoy confirms.

A rush of warmth runs through Pike. It just keeps being important that the doc accepts Dael, and every time McCoy makes that clear, Pike feels yet some more of the remaining, lasting weight being lifted from his chest. He takes a deep breath and briefly closes his eyes, blindly running one hand down the other man's leg. "Love you, Leonard."

"Love you too, Chris."

They keep sitting like this for a while, until the other two show up, all flushed and excited, and drag them to the next ice cream parlor.

*

Then suddenly the day is over and a new morning is breaking, leaving Pike wondering where the time had gone. They make up for the lazy evening by enjoying a round of sweet morning sex, then set up the table together, which makes for a rather crowded kitchen.

The second they're all comfortably settled, the door bell rings. Pike automatically stares at Dael, who stares right back.

"You're awaiting any guests?" Kirk asks confused.

"None that we know of," Pike replies and gets up again, glad that he's fully dressed. "I'll see to it."

The moment the main door opens, he thinks he's dreaming. It can't possibly be _the man himself_ standing in front of it, all in uniform.

_There's got to be apocalypse impeding. _

"Heihachiro –"

"Good morning, Chris," Nogura says. "I tried to call you, but you obviously set your console to silence. I trust Jim Kirk is here too?"

"Yes, he is." Seeing no other way to handle the situation, Pike steps back and makes an inviting hand sign. Nogura nods and passes him.

"I need to talk to you both."

Trying to pull his coffeeless brain together, Pike decides that everyone of their group should be reasonably dressed and more or less presentable, if only in slacks. "Wait a second," he says anyway and walks to the kitchen, opening the half-closed door and sweeping his assessing gaze over his frowning lovers. "We've got a surprise visitor," he says then and nods towards Nogura. The dumbfounded looks on everyone's face would be amusing if Pike didn't feel rather weird himself. A whirl of _Sir_ and _Admiral Nogura_ resounds as all scramble to their feet.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," Nogura says, a surprisingly old-fashioned phrase. "At ease, please. I wish I could've avoided disturbing your breakfast round like this, but I wanted to abduct you, Chris —" he nods towards Pike —"and you, Kirk, for a little outing today. I apologize for the short notice, but I promise it will be worth your time."

Frankly, Pike doesn't want to leave to places unknown with Nogura, but there's no way in hell to say no to a _chief of chiefs_ who is standing in the middle of your kitchen. Besides, no matter how nicely the invitation is worded, it's still an order. Kirk has much the same opinion. "I need five minutes," he states.

"Make that ten," Nogura replies and takes a seat. "I gather that there's a cup of Chris' famous coffee available here?"

Pike frowns as Dael wordlessly takes care of that but before he can say anything, Kirk passes him and pulls him towards the bedroom. "Do you have any idea where we'll be going?" the captain mutters as they're behind the next closed door.

"I have no clue," Pike says and gets his uniform, while Kirk hurries into the shower.

They're ready in seven minutes and return to the kitchen together, where Nogura is obviously upholding a rather one-sided talk, with McCoy and Dael looking a bit like deer caught in headlights. Pike sympathizes.

"Ready to go?" Nogura asks superfluously, then gets up with a last nod and a few words to the seated party. There's little left for Pike aside from a short, "I'm really sorry for this. Spend the day as you like," before hurrying out, Kirk on his heels.

Seconds later they sit in Nogura's spacious ground car on their way to wherever, and Pike feels really, really bad about all this.

*

"Where are we heading?" Pike asks when they are on the road. Kirk silently sits at his right, legs one above the other, hands loosely laced together in his lap.

"To a place where there is more of this." Nogura points at a little metallic cube, something Pike had considered being mere decoration. He picks it up in curiosity, and in his fingers, it moves as if it has a life of its own. Long thin, needle-like extensions grow out of its core, and it's a little disconcerting.

"Break one off," Nogura says, and Pike does. The ripped part literally melts in his hand; the part left on the core instantly grows again, restored within seconds.

"Impressive. What kind of technology is that?"

"You've seen it before."

"The Borg cube?"

Nogura shakes his head a little. "Yes and no. On the _Narada_ — it's Borg technology of the future."

Pike puts down the cube so harshly that the little table shakes under the impact, some more needles getting bent but twisting back into their original positions like a bug sorting its legs. When Kirk picks up the cube, it keeps moving in the captain's hands.

"The Narada had Borg technology?" Pike asks roughly, rubbing his hands on his pants as if he could get rid of the memory of holding it in his hand.

"Yes." Nogura waves at the cube. "There were a few splinters left in the orbit around Vulcan. A team of hand-picked engineers and scientists have been working on them for the last years. This is only a little toy for demonstration purposes. At the place we're heading to, you'll find many more interesting development results."

Pike curls his hands together, nails scratching palms. "Modified ships?"

"Let's say, ship extensions. Self-repairing units like shields, sentient weapons …" Nogura leans forward, gingerly lifting a cup of tea to his lips for a sip. "You've seen how powerful this technology is."

"Yes, I have," Pike says stiffly. He'd flown right into the fucking leftovers of the massacred fleet, an image he'd never forget.

"It might be the answer to the Borg problem."

"Fighting them with their own weapons?"

"The weapons of the future. They are not theirs yet."

Pike cranes his suddenly aching neck. "If they manage to assimilate this, we'll be as good as dead. They're a lot quicker in adapting to new technology than any other species."

"Then make sure they won't know what kills them," Nogura states.

Pike suddenly feels like a mass murderer, wondering how big the difference really was between Nero and him, both ready to eradicate billions for a greater good. Only, the Borg are a real threat to the Federation and any species that believes in personal freedom — though Pike's not sure anymore that that's enough of an excuse.

Next to him, Kirk still has that damnable cube in his hand, testing its abilities.

"It's impressive," Kirk says at last when he puts it down.

Terribly impressive, Pike thinks.

*

They land at the Federation president's space port, where other officers and Federation officials are waiting for them. There are even several of members of the Borg task force present, some of which Pike meets in person for the first time. They exchange a few sentences, knowing that they'd engage in deeper discussions over the course of the day.

A little at the side, Pike spots Esteban. After having greeted the higher-ranking members of the group, he approaches the captain.

"Joe, good to see you," Pike says as they shake hands. "They called you?" The _Lexington_ has only been back on Earth for two weeks, so seeing the captain here could only mean that he'd be involved in the further proceedings.

"Yes, just four hours ago. I've been on vacation with my family, they had to beam me over. What is this about?"

"Well, considering that you are here, wager a guess." Pike waves Kirk close.

"Joe, this is Jim Kirk of the _Enterprise_ — Jim, meet Joe Esteban from the _Lexington_." Pike introduces the two captains which to his best of knowledge had never met in person before.

"Nice meeting you, captain," Kirk says over the handshake. "I've heard only good things about your crew and your ship."

"Thank you. I've heard quite a few stories about the _Enterprise_ too — although none from the Admiral," Esteban adds hastily as Kirk glances at Pike. "Just the usual things that go around."

The group assembles to move on to the larger shuttle, and the three men join them.

"May I ask why Captain Kirk is here?" Barnett's stand-in Rolloy says suddenly, and all eyes turn towards Kirk.

"Captain Kirk was the first person to be informed about the Borg, specifically from the original source of the material. It has therefore been decided that he should be more closely involved in the current developments," Nogura answers smoothly.

Pike can see a few critical gazes remaining, and he's got no doubt that in the eyes of some, the only reason Kirk is here would be that he's Pike's lover — or at least the husband of Pike's lover, considering that McCoy's overly healthy welcome is surely all over the admiralty by now.

Once the shuttle is up in the air, Nogura makes the introduction. Then Commander N'het takes over, explaining the technological background of the things they'd see in two hours.

With stiff fingers, Pike opens the neck of his collar, trying to keep calm in the face of high-resolution _Narada_ shots that are used to explain some aspects of the technology that would be used to equip a new generation of Starfleet ships — shots where he could still see the debris lingering in the space around the deep-black arms of the ship, despite all attempts to edit the pictures.

Or maybe it's only in his imagination.

"You okay?" Kirk asks quietly at his side, and Pike shrugs with a frown.

_Sure, totally okay. _

*

Over the course of the next hours, Pike gives up on pretending that anything about this trip is okay for him.

First of all, the technology makes his stomach turn. He knows it's a knee-jerk reaction and he's fighting it with all his might, but he also knows that every time he opens his mouth during the discussions, he shows some of that personal aversion. Most people in the audience understand where he's coming from, which makes it only worse as it automatically devalues his opinion a little, something Pike absolutely isn't used to.

Second, it rankles that although Pike is the leader of the Borg task force, Nogura had not informed him about this technology in advance. Maybe the old man thinks it's funny when they land at the new Utopia Planitia terminal and he can present Pike's old friend Commander Caren Cho as the one leading the refit of the _Pathfinder_ with the new technology, but Pike doesn't think it's funny at all.

"I'm sorry. Nogura made me swear by the beard of my father to keep silent about this," Cho tries to joke with him over one of the buffet breaks, but he's annoyed enough to let it show on his face. "I'm really sorry," she adds quietly, brushing over his hand. "I can understand that you feel deceived now —"

"It's okay," he states coolly. He doesn't ask how long after Nat's wedding Cho had been given the project, and it frankly doesn't matter — she's only been following orders. It's the man behind all this Pike is angry about, and so he walks away looking for a chance to corner Nogura.

"Did you just need a figurehead, Heirachiro?" Pike asks sharply when they have a quiet minute together. "Or why didn't you tell me about the Borg technology?"

The man looks at him with the usual non-committal expression. "You are much more than a figurehead, Chris. Your name carries weight, you've got a reputation, more than you seem to realize. I've closely followed your progress over the last months, your increasing interaction with the political circles within the Federation. You've made a lot of important contacts."

"But?" Pike asks when Nogura pauses.

"But you've also your own personal history, which doesn't make you exactly welcoming this technology."

Pike can't do anything but admit the truth of these words. "Yes."

Nogura nods. "We need this technology. It's our chance to make the Federation the number one force in the quadrant again."

"I hadn't noticed we've lost that position."

"Some think we already did — some only predict it for the future. In any case, we need to move forward, get proactive."

"And I've been the right tool for that," Pike states coldly.

"You always thought a preemptive strike against the Borg would be the best solution. You just never openly stated it."

"The Interstellar Convention of Space Warfare of 2244 —"

"Is just a convention that might get broken when it's deemed necessary." Nogura straightens, showing their discussion has come to an end. "Let's go back to the others."

Pike follows him with lips tightly pressed together, angry about his manipulating superior and just as much about himself and that he'd ever gone as far as thinking that a preemptive strike would be necessary. Breaking the convention would open the door for any planet within the Federation — and outside of it — to go back to their convenient warfare of the past, where it had been enough to see another planet as a potential threat to lash out. Playing dirty with the Borg would smear dirt on every action and every big-worded declaration of the Federation, discredit it for years to come, and Pike doubts that the level of broken china is currently worth it.

But his change of mind comes definitely too late by now. Nogura has taken the foundation Pike had laid with his own work and is now actively steering Starfleet towards a new step of military build-up, and most people attending today are in favor of that strategy — including Kirk, which rankles on yet another frustrating level.

Not once since the one meeting that had started off their relationship had Pike interacted in a professional context with Kirk, and the ever present but usually subdued feeling of competition within their relationship is sharp and painful.

While in general he might be proud of Kirk, the man's keen intelligence and remarkable knowledge of strategy and galactic history, finding himself in a discussion where he needs to explain his moving away from his former position and to defend an alternative take on the Borg is one of the hardest things of the last years. The captains are almost the lowest 'fleet ranks in the room, but they're also the ones who'd have to face the Borg threat face to face, and their words have weight within the round of higher-ranking chair pushers (something Pike had always fought for, and having it backfire at him now is another sore point). Esteban had always supported the idea of an early intervention with the Borg, and now clearly feels a little let down by Pike's change of opinion. Kirk keeps mostly in the background but Pike soon learns that once Kirk says something, his arguments are thought-through and terribly convincing, usually resulting in moving the discussion in another direction than Pike would've preferred.

It's late in the afternoon when Pike finds himself in the restroom all by himself, staring at his pale, _old_ face in the mirror. He's deeply exhausted from the long day and all the intense discussions, and feels sick to boot. He wants to go home — or even better, he wants to throw the whole Borg business into Nogura's lap and retire. He's been outmaneuvered; his position will lose the discussion, Esteban will be given the _Pathfinder_ for a strike against the Borg although they don't have enough data to back up that strategy yet, and Kirk has managed to show everyone in the admiralty that he's a force to be reckoned with, one of the future leaders of Starfleet.

While Pike is only moving downhill, in every regard — getting old, getting tired, getting out of the loop.

It would be better to just step down while it's still his own choice. 

He's not happy at all when the door opens and Kirk, of all people, steps in. They'd barely exchanged a word in private all day; he could well have stayed out of Pike's view for the remaining hours.

"Chris! I hoped I'd find you here," Kirk says and draws close. "You don't look well. Is everything all right?"

Pike purses his lips. "Nothing is all right, _Captain_."

Kirk frowns at him in the mirror. "What's the matter?"

"Besides getting counted out by Nogura and you today? Nothing, probably." Pike turns his head away, unwilling to face Kirk's gaze.

"Fuck." Kirk laughs, and Pike feels a burning urge to push his fist into his lover's face. "You've got to be kidding. Half the time I sat in that round table I was speechless due to all the background information you brought up, all the data your task force has collected. You've picked fantastic specialists and it's obvious they all had a lot of freedom for working on the task, reaching their conclusions without you forcing any political demands on them, although you and Esteban had already developed an opinion about the Borg and how to deal with them.

"But that good work is now your problem — the facts are too much weighing into the direction of a preemptive strike. Your argument of the Federation violating one of their own major resolutions is valid, and before Nero, you'd probably have won the discussion. Back then, people just couldn't believe that anyone would be strong enough to endanger a founding world of the Federation. But after the loss of Vulcan, we're all much more aware of the risks. Nobody wants to see Earth endangered once again."

Kirk puts one hand on Pike's shoulder. "Your point about it being dangerous to engage such a technology-oriented species with brand-new technology of their own future is also valid. But you are a bit too critical of this new technology for reasons everyone understands, and that's not helping your point."

"I know." Pike takes a deep breath. "I've really crossed my zenith. I should step down, retire."

"Bullshit," Kirk says bluntly. "After today I understand why people think you're Nogura's crown prince. I've listened to the other admirals in the breaks; they aren't half as well-informed as you are about the current Federation politics. They all know that whenever Nogura needs someone to swap ideas back and forth, he goes to see you."

"That's crap," Pike states sharply. "And if it were true, he should definitely find someone better as his successor, considering that I'll die long before him."

Kirk opens his mouth and closes it again, then suddenly shakes his head. "Bones is going to kill me," he says. "Come on, let's get something to eat."

"Excuse me?" Pike snaps as Kirk takes his arm.

"After your blackout on our first morning, Bones gave me a little lecture about your health and what I should look out for. Irrational behavior caused by low blood sugar was on the top of his list; obviously you're a lot more at risk for that due to your medication." Kirk steers him out of the restroom and towards the buffet that's set up in a side room.

"I'm not irrational," Pike grits out under his breath when Kirk forces him to take a seat on a small table away from everyone else, but the captain wordlessly leaves to move to the buffet, grabbing a tray on the way. A part of Pike just wants to walk away but the moment he sits down his exhaustion catches up with him, so he puts his hands on the table and waits.

When Kirk comes back, he balances a well-filled tray with two large glasses of apple juice. "You've barely eaten anything." Kirk lifts his finger as Pike wants to dispute that. "Don't lie to me, I've been on the lookout once in a while and you've always been deeply in discussion with people during the breaks. So here, help yourself, it's all yours."

Pike stares at the two dishes piled with food. "No way I'm going to eat all of this."

"You eat as much as you can, and I take the rest." Kirk grabs a fork and picks up a piece of roasted meat. One of the other admirals looks as if he wants to join them, but the captain's deep frown chases the man away.

"And no discussions right now," Kirk states at Pike's irritated glare. "They all can wait until you're in a better shape."

With much annoyance, Pike addresses the food, but it takes only minutes until he realizes that Kirk's diagnosis had been rather to the point, as his mood instantly improves once the nutrients hit his blood stream.

"I haven't been able to send a message to Bones due to the protection of the building," Kirk says, "but Nogura was kind enough to send them a note that we'd probably be back by 2200."

"That late?" Pike can't help uttering a sigh as he leans back in the chair. "I give up." He waves at the leftovers, and Kirk doesn't need another invitation to heartily address the food.

In comfortable silence, he watches Kirk eating.

"You're okay?" Kirk asks when they're both done.

"I'm much better than before," Pike replies. "Thanks, Jim. I'm sorry for overreacting." Most of the sore points are still valid, and he'd need to find a way to deal with them — and Nogura — but his interpretation of the events had definitely been a little exaggerated due to his bad state.

When they return to the meeting room, Pike feels a lot more relaxed and rational and can take the final vote of the round in favor of the _Pathfinder_'s mission in a stride. Getting the ship out of the docks would take at least four months, followed by another twelve months of extensive testing, which would give him and his task force ample time to keep working on the data. The general vote for a preemptive strike still leaves a lot of room for the actual orders Esteban would receive, and Pike would try to use his influence here. No china has been broken so far, the future is still open.

On the flight back, Nogura pulls Pike aside to congratulate him on the good work of the task force, and while Pike feels less than grateful for having Nogura maneuver him around like a chess piece, he doesn't let it show right now. He returns to the others to enjoy another hour of private conversation with his attending task force members, the general exhaustion and a glass of wine loosening everyone's tongue for a few even franker statements than they'd already delivered over the day. Despite Pike's change in position, which had not been well-received by some, they're all willing to remain on the team, now much more aware of how influential their results are on Federation politics. Seeing their opinion having an impact on important decisions is a new experience for many of the scientists, and it's generally granted to Pike's close connection to Nogura that the impact is quite that direct.

Only when the shuttle has landed on Earth, Pike gets back to Kirk's side and then uses his beam account to get them home in an instant.

*

When they walk through the door, Pike is so tired he feels like breaking down any second. The other parts of the cloverleaf are in the living room, Dael on the couch, the doc in an armchair, both looking up from the PADDs in their hands when they walk into the room.

"Hey there," Kirk says and flops right down into the next armchair.

"How'd it go?" McCoy asks with furrowed brows, but Kirk shakes his heads. "Top secret," he says, sitting up to remove the uniform shirt.

"I need a timeout for an hour," Pike says, and his fingers tremble as he starts unbuttoning his uniform. He turns on his heel and rushes to the bedroom. Almost tearing apart the uniform, he strips out of it all and falls right into bed, grappling for the juice bottle to get some much-needed water and sugar.

Dael follows him seconds later, just as he's hoped, and he invitingly pulls up the blanket when she joins him.

"Good to be home," he whispers as he buries his face in the crook of her neck. Just lying down with her is a major stress-release. "How's your day been?"

"Okay." She curls around him.

"I'm sorry we had to leave."

"Did you see interesting things?" she asks softly.

"Interesting… well. Powerful. Dark. Possibly more than we can handle." It's hard to speak, drop-dead tired as he is right now.

"Sleep for a while," she says and combs through his hair before kissing him. "We'll prepare a midnight snack."

"Hmmm, yes." Last thing he feels is her slipping out of bed before he drops into a dreamless, exhausted sleep.

*

Despite his intention to get up after a short nap, it's already morning when Pike wakes up again. Pressed to see the bathroom, he sleepily tumbles out of bed and walks into it, taking a moment to process the stunning image in front of him. Kirk and Dael are having sex in the shower and it's of the athletic quality, with Dael's back against the wall, her legs around Kirk's hips. The position gives Pike a great view of the younger man's muscular backside, pronounced by the way Kirk pounds into her.

_Shit. _

He sharply turns on his heel and walks out again.

"Chris, hey —" McCoy calls after him, but Pike rushes towards the neighboring room, using the bathroom there. Once on the toilet, he buries his face in his hands. He'd definitely not needed the view of Kirk taking Dael in a way Pike would love to do but couldn't right now due to his health shit, and it hurts more than he would've expected. It must be the aftereffects of yesterday. With effort he drags himself into the shower, trying to get rid of all the feelings of inadequacy that suddenly turn up again, sharp and edgy.

He's just done with toweling himself when his console goes off. He walks to the other room with a frown, the towel around his shoulders — he couldn't remember having removed the vacation setting, and true to his memory, the call turns out to be an emergency, right from Nogura's desk. In foreboding, Pike establishes the connection.

"Good morning, Chris," Nogura says, an unusual gravity already in his first words. "I've got bad news for you."

"The Borg?" Pike can't help asking, the meetings of yesterday still foremost on his mind.

"No. It's about Richard Barnett. He died last night."

"Barnett is dead?" Pike repeats blankly, unable to parse the news right away.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I know that you've visited him in hospital over the last months. He always enjoyed your visits…" Nogura clears his throat, something absolutely unusual for the old man. "I'll keep you informed about the funeral proceedings. They'll probably be within the next four days. It's been decided to keep Kirk and McCoy here until then, they'll be great representatives of the ships and their crews."

Pike nods, forcing out a brief, "I understand."

"And because I have to ask – you wouldn't want to take over Ship Operations, would you?"

"No. Definitely not." Pike doesn't even need a moment to make up his mind; aside of the fact that this would put him in the direct chain of command to his lovers, he's already working on the limit with just the task force. Most of his duties regarding Auditor General have already been given to his deputy Okonkwo who would take over the department in a few weeks, so taking over one of the largest and most important departments instead is absolutely out of the question for Pike.

Nogura nods gravely. "I thought so. But I had to ask. I'm sorry, Chris. Have a good day anyway." The connection closes.

_Barnett is dead. _

The truth settles slowly, painfully, a conglomeration of feelings; mourning for the man he'd known for so long; regret for the stupid misunderstandings they had been prone to engage in; irrational anger towards Spock for never having replied to Pike's plea for help; and deep-down just plain fear, the sudden feeling that he'd be the next to go. Not with a thunder, probably, but wasting away in bed just like Barnett, a thought that makes him almost panic. He might have promised McCoy he won't arrange for any plug pulling, but frankly that makes him only more determined that in a worst case scenario, he should speed up the process, because for as long as he'd be vegetating in bed, the people he love would feel tied to him, wouldn't be able to move on the way they should.

_Well, this isn't the day yet_, he thinks as he listens to the sounds from the kitchen, the voices of his lovers in the distance. It might come sooner than he'd like to, but he's been prepared for dying maybe too often in his life already to really fear the fact itself. It's just the idea of going slowly, a burden to everyone around him, that darkens his mood.

He looks up from the console when Dael walks half into the room, one hand on the door frame. She's naked, her body still glistening from a recent shower. She looks young and alive, breathtakingly hot and at the same time strangely intimidating, mirroring the reason for his problems back with every black line on her body. On his tongue, he feels the metallic taste of blood, unsure where it comes from, but only strengthening his dark mind set.

"Breakfast is prepared," she says, and he finds that he's not ready to join them at the table, watching her and Jim sitting close to each other, smiling and joking, two young, healthy people. Not right now.

"Start without me," Pike says. "I'll be there in a while."

Her tattoos curl in a frown. "Anything wrong?"

"Nothing with you, just something at the admiralty," he lies.

"Okay," Dael says and vanishes.

He should've known that the others wouldn't eat up his bullshit as easy as Dael, when two minutes later, Kirk is in the doorway.

"So are you finally ready to admit it's not all easy for you?"

Pike looks up from where he's rubbed his face in his hands. "What's your problem, Jim?" he says coolly, gearing up for the obvious confrontation. "Because from the first moment on, you've been criticizing me a lot more than ever before."

"My problem?" Kirk walks into the room, a clear challenge in his posture. "My problem is the way you handle your relationship with Dael. Which frankly should be _your_ problem."

"We're fine." _As long as you aren't around_, some bitter, jealous part inside Pike adds. He wants to be cool but he isn't, _fuck_.

"Oh, sure," Kirk retorts. "That's why you don't really stand by her in public."

"Huh?" Pike startles. "We're out to the academy."

"A few selected people know — all others only guess, and talk."

"I took her to a family gathering."

"Because Nat phoned you, right? Not because you asked to bring Dael along." Kirk shakes his head. "You don't even give her space in the apartment where you live together. She's got beautiful art in her room, paintings made by her, and instead of hanging them up, you never even did as much as ask her about them."

"She never even indicated that she wants me to register the paintings," Pike states sharply. "Her family is a touchy subject and she has more than once told me that it's been good that I never asked for information, just showed that I'm ready for her if she needs to talk about them." He squares his shoulders. "I really don't know where you're coming from, Jim. I try everything to make her feel accepted and equal and —"

Kirk laughs roughly. "You're not equals, Chris."

Pike freezes. "You're speaking for Leonard now?"

"No. I'm just trying to explain something you obviously don't get, or aren't willing to see. You're not equals, and you won't be for many years, maybe never. She's twenty, all alone in the world, with barely a credit and no position to speak of. You're more than twice her age with an illustrious career and rich by most people's standards. You're not equals, and while I give you points for trying, I'm starting to get the feeling that this is the core of your problem."

"And what is my problem?"

"That you can't really accept being with her."

McCoy pokes his head in. "You done fighting? Need a referee?" He tries to sound funny but it falls flat for the concerned expression on his face.

"Come in," Kirk says. "And bring in Dael, because it's fucking time we get this sorted out."

Pike feels like in the center of a tribunal as the other two join them, McCoy with a deep frown on his face, Dael visibly reluctant, by now dressed in a shirt and shorts. He could take the easy way out, try to run, bring up Barnett, but none of that would solve what's obviously been smoldering underneath the layer of what he'd thought to be a functioning relationship with Dael.

"As I just tried to bring across to Chris —" Kirk says and waves at him — "Dael and him are not equals. We all agree on this, right?"

Pike gnashes his teeth. "Maybe regarding certain obvious points but I try to take care that within our relationship and every aspect I can influence, we are equal."

"In most regards, you're not equal," Kirk repeats. "And tell you something — it's not that important. Most people don't care about it half as much as you do. They don't care who you are with, who you fuck, what you do in your evenings. But on the other hand, you completely ignore those of her peers who do have a problem and give her shit about her relationship with you."

"How should I know about the latter, when Dael never told me?" Pike looks at her, feeling betrayed and at loss. Why does Jim know and he doesn't? "Why didn't you tell me, Dael?"

"Guess what — she didn't want to make things harder for _you_," Kirk states. "She's used to eating a lot of crap from the people she loves —"

"Stop it, Jim," Dael states. "Just stop it." Silence abruptly settles over them all. Pike feels like shit warmed over. _Where's a convenient blackout when you need one? _

"I want to be allowed to need Christopher," Dael says, so quietly he almost doesn't hear her. "That's all I ask for."

Pike swallows hard, once again taken by surprise from the direction the discussion is taking. "Dael —"

She looks at him. "I was determined not to envy Jim and Leonard for anything they might get from you that I don't, but I envy Leonard because you're there for him when he needs you. With me… you want me to be strong all the time — but I'm not." She tightens her lips, one erratic hand brushing over her face.

"I fear making you seem small," Pike says, chest tight. "Everyone thinks you're young and need protection and that I'm taking advantage of you."

"I know that you don't. They know." She looks at his lovers, than down to the floor. "You want me, but you don't know how to deal with that. You hate it when I spend the weekend with Caitleen but you never say it."

"I thought you wanted that freedom."

"I meet her because I didn't want to make you feel as if you're the only important person in my life. I wanted to give you room for meeting John and having a good time with him."

"I haven't slept with John since before we got together," Pike replies. "The only thing we've done lately is have a drink or two." And after Farnham's strange behavior in the club four days ago, even that may be over for good. Pike shakes his head, rubbing over his face with both hands for a moment to try and collect his thoughts. All of him is tense like an overdrawn bow, close to breaking, and he doesn't even really know why.

Pike hold his breath when Kirk asks, "Is Caitleen important to you, Dael?"

She instantly shakes her head. "Not like you. She's a woman, and it's different being with one, and I couldn't promise that I'd never want to be with another woman in my life, but right now I only want one person on Earth." She looks at Pike. "I don't even really want to work in the club right now. I've so much work at the academy, most Friday nights I just want to go to bed and sleep. But I didn't want to stop because the admiral thinks it's good for me."

"It is good for you," Pike says absent-minded.

Kirk shakes his head. "Chris, damn — do you want a partner, or do you want to keep mentoring a cadet? You don't get to have both, you know. And that goes for you too, Dael. He's got a name, so use it. He might be an admiral, but for you he should be your partner."

"He doesn't want to be that. Not really." She sounds resigned, tired.

"Dael — if I know anything about Chris, he wants you. He went through that shitty outing Nogura forced on him, he let you move in with half your stuff — if he doesn't want you, I don't get why he'd give himself that." McCoy says.

"He would've been happier with a secret affair," she replies, and when Kirk searches Pike's eyes, he averts the gaze because it's true. "He may love me, but that doesn't mean he wants me in his life. Our neighbors think I'm his daughter, and he didn't correct them. We never go out together, never meet other people aside of his family."

"Hell — say something, Chris," McCoy berates him as Pike stays silent, not knowing what to say when all she brings up is true, not counting the receptions at the Vulcan embassy to which she'd been explicitly invited. "Because I know that she's become the most important thing on Earth for you, so after coming that far, why do you seem to be unable to live with the consequences?"

"Oh yes. Why don't I just claim all her time, make her stop working in the club, tell her to stop seeing that woman because I want her all for myself. Why don't I get me a little stay-at-home wife who's at my beck and call like I'm some heterosexual asshole that thinks he's better than everyone —" Pike blurts out, and abruptly stops.

_FUCK. _

"I'll be right back." He scrambles to his feet and stomps onto the terrace where he heavily leans onto the balustrade.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

He sinks down on the ground, knees pulled against his chest with his arms lacing around them, bending his head so that his forehead rests on his knees. So much for tense bows.

When the door opens after a while, he doesn't have to look up to be sure it's Leonard. The man quietly sits down next to him.

"You know — if you hadn't run like that, we'd probably have considered it to be just some cliché shit," McCoy says softly.

Not yet ready to answer, Pike stays silent.

"It's not like I didn't wonder once in a while why you were so adamant about your sexual preference. It's rather rare today, with everyone being so cool and experimental. So this isn't really about anyone's gender, is it?"

"But it is. I am gay, doc, and yes, I'm adamant about it as it's a big point in my life." Pike sighs. "I grew up in an extremely conservative surrounding with very traditional gender roles. Enter adjectives like bigot, prejudiced and homophobic at your discretion, all of them would be correct. My father was an authoritative asshole, my mother… well. It took me years to free myself from many deep-seated, wrong beliefs, but as you know, it's close to impossible to get rid of all childhood conditioning."

McCoy can't completely hide his surprise, chewing on the statement for a moment. "I see. So you grew up with a very bad blue print of heterosexual relationships. That doesn't turn every straight man into an asshole."

"Too many, too often, doc. I always wanted equality in my relationships. That's the most important thing to me. Two equal partners. Two people with their own money, their own jobs. Nobody depending on anyone else. I was glad to find I prefer men, because I couldn't imagine such an equal relationship with a woman."

Pike fists his hands. "And now I've got a relationship that could be subsumed by the headline '_despite it all_'. I still think I'm gay because that's my core, always has been, but I'm with a woman and not one of my own age either but with a damn young woman that's much more emotionally dependent on me than it's good for her. And I can't stand the thought of looking straight. That's the only thing people see when Dael and I are together, a man and a woman, and they might complain about our age or rank difference but we're just a straight couple for them like _everyone_. I don't want that. I hate that."

"Would you feel better if she turned into a guy?"

"Not if she did it for me. As far as I know it's not what she feels, so I'd never want her to change her sex."

"So if she stays a woman, would you rather end the relationship?"

Pike hangs his head. "No. Not if I can help it. Right now I can't imagine not being with her. But at the same time, I can't imagine really being with her either. What shall I do, write _QUEER_ on my forehead to stop people from leaping onto the next best interpretation when they see us?"

"You can't stop people from thinking you're straight ," McCoy says. "The only thing you can influence is how much it matters to _you_ what they think."

"I tried, doc, but I'm not good at ignoring people's opinion when it comes to my private life."

"Don't try — do it. Because if you don't manage to solve this dichotomy, you're going to lose her. You're good for her, in so many ways, but if you want this to be a healthy relationship, you've got to live with all the aspects. And she is a woman, and you look like a straight man with her — even worse, an old, lecherous, straight man who's seduced a young girl with his position and money."

Pike groans. "Holy damn, you're helpful. Are you always slapping your patients around like that?"

"Only the ones who need it," McCoy says mercilessly. He pulls Pike into a hug. "Chris — I know that you're not that kind of guy. Jim knows, Dael knows, and everyone who's ever talked to any of you for longer than ten minutes knows that this picture is dead wrong. For all I can see you don't take advantage of her, but from the outside, it easily looks like that and will for a long time. You can hate that or you can face the critics head on by having a great relationship with a great woman and broadcasting that to the world.

"Subconsciously, she knows you don't know how to deal with the woman in her, so she keeps staying the boy. It's not really hard on her, she's played that role for most of her adult life. But that's why she's still starving herself, Chris, and that's not good for her. She's got to gain some weight and get her period, but she fears you'd love her less for it."

"I'd never —" Pike snaps, but McCoy cuts him short.

"You've got a mega hang-up when it comes to women and being bisexual — yeah, get used to that word, because you are to a degree — and it's a very real danger that you'll have a hard time dealing with a woman at your side. I'm not talking about the sex, you seem to manage fine enough, and love is definitely not the problem here. But you don't want to be seen as straight and that means that you're subconsciously trying to keep her as a boy."

"Stop analyzing me," Pike states, but the sharpness dies on his tongue before the words are out.

McCoy smiles sadly. "I didn't even get really started, but I guess it's enough for one morning." He tightens his hold on Pike, not letting go. "I only want you to be happy, both of you. She's a great girl, she can use all the love she can get."

"Ah, fuck. I wish I knew what to do," Pike sighs, his brief anger wiped away by frustration and simple, plain fear that he might push Dael away.

"Get it clear what you want and how to deal with it when you get it. And find out what she wants." McCoy joins his sigh. "And I thought I was the only one with a relationship problem…"

"You've got no exclusivity for fucking up a partnership," Pike says. "I know you always think of your divorce, but it's not really a rare event."

"But I won't have that another time. Not because I got so much better in dealing with all that, but because of Jim and you not letting me just run away."

"True."

"And just as that, we won't let you ruin that thing you could have with Dael just because of some past shit in your life. Promise."

"That's a word." Pike laughs a little.

"Yep. So, if you need any advice with women, come to me for the emotional stuff and go to Jim for the sex tips."

Pike nods, releasing some of the tension in his shoulders.

"Should we go back in to them?" McCoy asks.

"I need a moment with Dael alone," Pike says. "Could you please send her out here? Only if she wants to, of course."

"Sure." McCoy nudges his shoulder. "You're a good man, Chris. A wonderful man. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He kisses him, then gets up from the floor and leaves.

Only a few minutes pass before Dael steps through the door, all of her body posture screaming her tension.

"Come to me, Dael," Pike says and holds out his hand. She gets down on the floor, crouching between his knees. He looks at her, takes in her pale face and wide eyes, the sharp tattoos. Damn, he wants her so much, and he'd almost fucked up.

"I've got to apologize to you. I'm so sorry for trying to force you out of my life because yeah, a big part of me doesn't like the idea that you really need me. I want you to be strong and grown-up and able to live without me, and in the progress I forgot that every relationship lives from the need and want of each other." She wants to say something but he doesn't let her interrupt him. "And I'm sorry that it took me so long to even realize what I hate about appearing as a straight man. I wanted to have you but I didn't want to look as if I am with a woman. Of course, that doesn't work at all. So I want to promise you something — I promise to acknowledge you, all of you, no matter how you're dressed and how you feel. I'll acknowledge you as my partner, wherever we are — here, at the academy, wherever. You are mine and the world better gets used to that fact because I've got no intention to change it."

He looks at her. "Anything to say?" he asks when she holds his gaze in growing silence.

"You mean I'm allowed to say something after your speech?" she says, but there's a smile lingering on the edge of her mouth.

"Yes."

"I want you, in every regard I can have you," she says. "I realize that I'm not what you were looking for and that I'm a daily challenge to the image you and everyone who knew you had of you. I promise that I'll support you in that fight. That I will speak my mind if you do something that makes me feel unwanted and unaccepted. That I'll care more for myself because some subjects are my own problem."

He takes a deep breath, letting out the air he hadn't even noticed he'd held in his lungs.

"I love you, Christopher," she says and leans forward for a kiss.

"I love you too, Dael." He cradles her in his arms, her head pressed against his shoulder. "So much. My girl." A shiver runs through her as she clutches him more tightly. "My girl." He soothingly strokes her hair, holding her close. He'd have a lot to think through but he knows he'll find a way to deal with it — for her.

*

The news of Barnett's death, when Pike at last informs his lovers over breakfast an hour later, weighs on everyone but Dael who had never met the admiral in person. When Pike suggests that she could stay away from the funeral, though, Kirk is clearly annoyed, despite the fact that Dael herself would rather keep away from the official event.

It drives home the point once more that while McCoy might protect Dael due to his inbred _Southern gentleman_ ideal and caretaker leanings, Kirk feels protective of Dael on a completely different level, in a strange mix of fraternal and erotic love. If Pike fucked up his relationship with Dael, it would be Kirk who'd give him hell, and after having seen enough of his lover's protective streak during this vacation, Pike really doesn't want to be on the receptive end of Kirk's full wrath.

The emotionally intense morning had taken its toll on all of them, and Pike isn't unhappy when Kirk and McCoy decide to spend the day with each other. Although he's officially on vacation, thanks to the unplanned trip to Utopia Planitia for the new Borg technology his work is suddenly catching up with him. People call him, asking for input and information, and he can't avoid coming in for two meetings at the admiralty. Dael seems to be happy to come with him and hit the academy for a few hours, catching up with class work and upcoming projects.

When she's done, she comes to his office and curls on his couch with a PADD in her hands, and it brings an intense feeling of relief and peace to him that she's still here with him despite all the subconscious problems he has with accepting the relationship. He's not too sure that Kirk's intervention had been necessary; he knows that Dael doesn't like others to interfere with her life, and Kirk had done that, outright and with verve. But while she's taken over the discussion and stirred it into the direction that's been really important to her, she hadn't stopped him.

Maybe this intervention had been covered by fraternal love too.

It's already after nine in the evening when McCoy calls the office.

"Everything okay?" McCoy asks, and Pike can see his concern over the screen, underlying the simple question.

"I think so," Pike says and looks over at Dael, who'd fallen to the side in slumber, her head on the armrest. He'd put a blanket over her, like in old times — a silly expression, as _old times_ mostly translates to _before this vacation_, and had watched her for the better part of the last hour.

"You'll be coming home tonight?"

"Sure, just need to wrap up here and wake up Dael."

"Good." The doc's relief is practically dripping from the word. "We cooked something. Hope you'll like it."

"I'm sure we will. Give us fifteen minutes." Pike smiles at McCoy. "Looking forward to seeing you. Both of you," he adds with emphasis.

"We do too." McCoy brushes two fingers over the cam, wordlessly reaching out before the connection closes.

Pike shuts down his work and gets up from his chair. He feels better than the day before — he'd eaten regularly, had had a satisfying work day, and had enjoyed the silent company of his partner — okay, _girlfriend_, whatever, it's just a word, he can deal with it. Going down on one knee in front of the couch near her face, he gently says, "Hey, darling, ready to go home?"

There's a sigh on her lips. "Do we have to?"

"Yes." He's not going to let a perhaps necessary confrontation get in the way of their foursome that had worked damn well so far.

With effort Dael sits up, stretching her thin limbs before putting her legs left and right of him. He rubs along her thighs as she's looking into his eyes in thoughts. "I don't feel mistreated by you," she says quietly after a moment.

"I hope so. But that doesn't mean I couldn't do better."

"I've known that our relationship would cause talk."

"Sounds more like bullying from the way Jim said it. Is he right?"

"A little, maybe." She briefly avoids his gaze. "But I'm used to that."

"Nobody should be used to getting bullied," Pike states.

She shrugs. "It takes many different forms. Sometimes it's just the way tea is offered in a ceremony." Her right hand forms an imaginary cup, drawing a circle in thin air before she lets it sink down and covers his hand on her leg. "I didn't feel wanted in a very long time. I feel wanted by you."

"I want you," Pike agrees. _Too much_, his inner voice inevitably chimes in, but maybe that's just the degree she needs. How had Doctor Will put it? The secret of good relationships are two people with compatible weaknesses.

If that's true, they have one hell of a great relationship. 

"What are you thinking about?" she asks, drawing one finger over the smirk that had formed on his lips over the idea.

"Just a memory." He smiles at her, then gets up and captures her hand. "Let's go home, our men are waiting."

She walks with him into the middle of the room for beaming, and minutes later, they're joining Kirk and McCoy on a lovingly decorated dinner table.

*

There's more tension than there had been over the last days, their interaction and dinner talk less easy than before, especially between Pike and Kirk. Considering that Pike had been much more concerned about McCoy's behavior in this vacation, it's almost amusing that Kirk is the major — _challenge_, Pike thinks, unwilling to call it anything else. They don't have a problem, only some minor disagreements, and they'd iron it out again.

He's still glad when Dael drags Jim away for a talk, leaving him and the doc alone in the kitchen. Knowing his own kitchen best, Pike takes over most of the duty, cleaning away the dishes and leftovers.

"I'm sorry," McCoy says once the dishes are in the washer. "I knew he'd become quite protective when it comes to her but I didn't realize how far it went."

"It's not a bad thing in itself," Pike says calmly; he'd had the day to think over their vacation and everything Kirk had said and done so far, and has a clearer opinion on certain aspects by now.

"He's got a case of over-identification," McCoy chatters along. "They both belong to that unspoken brotherhood of abused kids, so he just can't help identifying with her and her losses. He couldn't help Sam but now he likes to think he can help her."

"I'm sure he can, and as I said, it's nothing bad in itself," Pike repeats. "Many of his accusations were correct, and on another day, I would probably have dealt better with them. But after yesterday, I've been more than ready to interpret everything coming from him as a personal attack."

"Yesterday?" McCoy asks with a frown. "Jim didn't say much about it but he didn't give the impression that there'd been any problem between the two of you."

"Not from his side. For him, all was fine." Pike puts the last bowl with food into the fridge. "Let's just say that there were intense discussion about important subjects, and Jim and I often differed in opinion. It's all been professional disagreement, and he's brought up many valid points — but it did feel like a confrontation at times. It's been all in my head, I know, but it has felt like that and I'm not yet completely over that feeling."

"Oh." McCoy rubs his forefinger over his bottom lip in thoughts. "You lost the discussion," he concludes.

"Yes." Grabbing a towel, Pike cleans some droplets of water from his sink.

"You almost had a breakdown and then tumbled over Jim fucking Dael in the shower this morning, right before Nogura called to inform you about Barnett's death. And after that Jim cornered you about your relationship with Dael."

"Yes."

"Whoa," McCoy says with clear, true admiration. "If I had been in your place, I would've had the fight of all fights with him. How could you stay so calm through all of it?"

"I'm not the type to shout around," Pike says.

McCoy shakes his head. "And here I thought Dael's obvious tendency to swallow everything down is unhealthy. You're a lot worse than her."

"Better, doc, better, because I trained that all my life," Pike replies, not feeling insulted at all. "Dael and I work because we can live with things unsaid. It might not be optimal at times, but the alternatives aren't necessarily better. We speak enough, and when I fuck up big time, trust me, she tells me — did that already once."

"I believe you," McCoy says simply. "You know I've had a lot of concerns. I still think she's got a pile of issues and you might have been better off with someone better fitting. But hell, here I am, the man who never wanted to work on a ship but does it anyway because he's with Jim Kirk, who's a pile of issues _extraordinaire_ himself. So I'm not going to throw stones in a glass house."

"Thanks, doc," Pike says, moved. "I've always tried to keep my concerns in check but I had moments in which I wondered whether you'd make me choose, and I had no idea what I should do then."

McCoy's gaze sinks to the floor. "I almost _did_ make you choose," he says quietly.

"Not like that, doc. You thought about staying with me because you felt you were running out of options, but even then you didn't want me to force to leave Dael." Pike inhales deeply.

"Truth to be told, I wouldn't let you walk away from Jim. It's never been clearer to me than after this vacation." Pike might love McCoy more than it's good for any of them, but the limit of that love is the moment when it hurts somebody else he loves, and overblown feelings of competition back or forth aside, he loves Jim — otherwise, he wouldn't have these issues at all.

McCoy frowns. "Any special reason for bringing that up now?"

"Just had to think about something Jim told me lately. You know Jim's philosophy? That everyone would walk away from him in the end?"

McCoy looks at him strangely. "You mean his _we live alone, we die alone, yadda yadda_? Sure."

"I hated to hear that's what he thinks."

"We all have our philosophy to bring us through life," McCoy replies.

"What's yours?" Pike asks.

McCoy looks away.

Pike touches his arm, suddenly concerned. "Please — Leonard. I'd love to know."

"While I understand Jim's take on life, and it sure works for him, in my world view, nobody's supposed to live alone." McCoy moves out of Pike's grasp, starting to wipe the table. "I want to live my life as good as possible, hurt no one, be happy at no one else's expense. And I want to belong somewhere, have my place in the universe."

"That's so bad?" Pike asks a little confused by the pain that lingers in the words.

"It's a philosophy that gets me a lot more hurt than Jim's would."

Pike reaches out. "Come to me," he says, adding a whispered _please_ when McCoy doesn't move right away.

At last McCoy gives in, returning to him. They clasp hands.

"I thought I knew where I belong. I still know — I can't imagine living without Jim — but it got a lot more complicated," McCoy says roughly. "Because I can't imagine living without you either anymore."

"I know." Pike rubs McCoy's fingers. "It's similar for me; I can't imagine living without any of you. When Jim brought up his idea of a farm for us all —"

"That harebrained idea," McCoy states darkly.

"— when he brought it up, I knew he was right. It may sound harebrained and it's not something we can have right now, but we can plan for it in the future."

"You really think we could have that?"

Pike pulls him closer. "I've never been one to make big plans for my personal life, and the few times I tried, they fizzled on me. But this is a dream I can go with, something I can imagine to come true."

"With Dael?"

"If she wants to," Pike says. "It will be solely her choice. If one day she's got enough of me, I'll accept it. I won't tie her down."

"And if we ever moved on?"

"I'd accept it just the same."

McCoy frees one hand to put it against Pike's neck. "And you're complaining about Jim's philosophy?" he asks almost disbelieving.

"I'm only a realist," Pike says. "That's all there is. Hard facts, hard decisions. The universe is unfair and unpredictable, shit happens every day. You eat it up, you move along."

McCoy looks at him wide-eyed, his hand sinking down. "I thought life was a game to you."

"Only regarding the idea that every decision is like a move on a chess board. You never know whether it was the right one until the game is over. If you were lucky, you managed to make a difference to some people. Most likely you won't."

"Whoa, fuck." McCoy stares at him. "Compared to you, I'm the greatest optimist in the quadrant."

They are torn out of the discussion as the kitchen door opens, Dael appearing in it. "Sorry," she quickly states and turns to leave, but McCoy calls after her. "Come on in," he says, and she joins them with a cautious gaze.

"We were only just exchanging philosophies," McCoy says. "The way we see the world. What's your point of view?"

Dael looks back and forth between them.

"Chris is a brutal realist, I want the happy ending, Jim is all about living and dying alone — what about you?"

Her growing frown shifts the tattoos, increasing their naturally intimidating effect.

"This isn't a joke," she states coolly.

"No, it isn't," McCoy agrees. "It's… ah, dammit. Sorry, Dael." He moves away from them and all but flees from the kitchen.

When Dael meets Pike's gaze with profound confusion, Pike can only shrug. "I have no clue what that was about."

She nods, though visibly disbelieving.

He beckons her closer and takes her into an embrace, wordlessly caressing her back in long strokes.

"You seem sad," she says, her voice muffled against his shoulder, her hands loosely on his hips.

"Just wondering if my take on life isn't worth some redefining," he says. Maybe developing a more positive outlook on the future — aside of his concerns about the Borg and his health — would make both their lives easier.

"Sometimes I think life is just something to suffer through," she murmurs.

"Not always, but probably too often," he agrees. He strokes up to her neck, massaging it with his fingertips. "Missed this."

"What?"

"Just being with you. Having a few quiet minutes together." He brushes through her spiky hair. "I'm glad you are with me."

"Really?"

"Yes." He runs his hands under the collar of her shirt, stroking her shoulders. "I need you."

Her arms close around his waistline. "I know," she says and looks up at him at last. "It's okay." She smiles a little.

He lifts her up on the table, stepping between her legs and pulling the shirt over her head. She cradles his head, combing through his hair as he cups her tiny breasts, then runs his fingers down her tattoos. With a soft sigh he bends his head and kisses along the patterns, pushing her back on her elbows in the process. She giggles a little as he hits a ticklish spot, and it makes him spend some extra time there, until there's a small hickey next to the one there already is, and he only feels a little guilty that he's been so dumb at times. She makes him happy, and he's glad that Jim managed to make her happier too – he'd have to do some catching up. Not glossing over any smoldering problems, but still getting better at putting more emphasis on the good aspects of life, the things that make life worth living.

_Definitely room for improvement. _

She's flat on her back when he's finally bending over her groin, licking over shaved skin. His stupid brain still doesn't want to get over the difference in smell, so he quickly grabs the honey from the cupboard and squirts some onto her labia. She tilts her head and smiles as he distributes the sticky sweetness all over her sex, gasping when his fingers find her clit. Wiggling upwards, she puts her feet on the table to make it more comfortable to him when he bows to lick her now literally sweet spot, and she arches against his mouth as he establishes an effective rhythm.

His face is all sticky and wet when she's finally done, and she kisses it a little away before they go for a shower together.

*

He's hard through all of the shower, but when he tries to encourage her to take care of him, Dael is playfully keeping him at a distance. Or worse, is kissing and touching him in all the ways that turn him on, but then doesn't deliver.

"Trust me," she says amused and gently pushes his arm away when he and his needy dick corner her against the wall once more, wet and glistening not just from water.

"I don't think I trust you when you've got that gleam in your eyes," he mutters under his breath while he rubs himself dry.

She smiles and captures his hand to pull him towards the living room.

"Sit down," she says – no, _orders_, and he follows, sitting down in the middle of the white couch. "Close your eyes."

"Fine." He closes his eyes, hands loosely on his knees. Two could play the game; he just hopes that her surprise will be a nice one, he's not up for anything edgy right now.

Her steps move around and out of the room, and for a while there's nothing. His body shivers a little in what suddenly feels like a cool room, and he orders the heat up to a decadent twenty-five degree Celsius. His mind is drifting, with nothing special in focus, mostly a white blur of relaxation. He must have missed the steps because the touch on his legs startles him — he'd expected Dael, so the weight in the touch and the mouth that goes down on him takes him by surprise. She's as reluctant about active oral sex as he is, which is a little frustrating in certain moments but fine all in all because it means they are balanced at that point, but he really misses this once in a while — tight lips, a tad of stubble, a strong tongue wrapping around his dick.

His body leaps into the touch with a tilt of his hips and a hearty grown, but then his mind catches up. His eyes snap open, and he looks down on his lover — on _Jim_ in front of him on his knees. Impulsively, he puts one hand on Kirk's shoulder in a vague motion of pushing away. "You don't have to do that —"

Kirk pulls back, giving him a pleading gaze. "But I want to, Chris. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you look bad in front of your colleagues." He clasps his hand around Pike's upper thighs, his expression decidedly nervous. "I knew that a lot of people were looking at us, not the least Nogura himself, and the only thing I had in mind was that I wanted to be at my very best. I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted to give the best possible input. I'm sorry that I didn't support you better —"

"Captain Kirk had an opinion, I had mine," Pike interrupts him. "That's got nothing to do with supporting me."

"Please, let me finish," Kirk says. "I had all day to think about this, and when Bones came to me half an hour ago, telling me how you felt about yesterday, it all clicked. I was so angry with myself. I want you to stand by Dael, but I can't do the same for you. Last vacation, I was annoyed about you outing our relationship to Nogura and Barnett. This time, some people know and many suspect, just like with Dael, and there's still a part of me who doesn't want to make it official. I kept away from you all day, as if we hadn't just arrived together from our joined breakfast table. I don't know why, I don't understand myself somehow. Maybe I don't want it to look as if I've earned my career on my knees. I don't know. But I'm sorry if I made you feel bad yesterday. I thought you were fabulous." Kirk runs his hands along Pike's skin with a small sigh. "You wouldn't believe what it did to me, seeing you sitting there at the top of the round, listening to your voice reciting all the details, the pros and cons. You're on the way to become one of the most powerful men of Starfleet, and it turns me on like crazy." Kirk leans forward to place a kiss on the slightly deflated erection. "I'm sorry, sir. Please, let me make it up to you."

Pike laces one hand into Kirk's hair. They could just have make-up sex, or they could do something that would burn off all left-over bad feelings. Considering the decidedly sub touch of Kirk's current attitude, he decides to test the water for more. "Well, _cadet_ — usually, such subordination would warrant a disciplinary action."

When Kirk sweeps very bright blue eyes at him, Pike doesn't really need to hear the instantly forthcoming, "_yes, sir, at your discretion, sir_" to know that they both could use a little scene.

"Go to the bedroom and get the wooden paddle out of my nightstand, middle drawer."

His lover leaps out of the room, returning instantly with the described tool in his hand. He sinks onto his knees and offers it to Pike.

"Thanks. Now, get up here on the couch and crawl over me so that your ass is ready for punishment."

Kirk's enchanting buttocks all within his and the paddle's reach, the man's head bowed between folded arms on the one side of his legs, knees on the other… the view is so good, makes him _feel_ so good. Letting the paddle dance over the flesh with sweet, luscious sounds causes Pike's dick to bloom between his thighs and Kirk's stomach, a deep heat spreading in his groin. That his victim wiggles once the slaps start hurting a little, the skin turning to deeper shades of red, does nothing to tone down Pike's arousal. He works on the ass until Kirk's moans get that slight edge of real pain and his own arm starts to tire, then he stops, playfully nudging the paddle's side between the cheeks. "I have the impression you like your punishment, cadet," Pike asks, his authority slightly diminished by his own heavy breathing.

"Yes, sir," the captain's voice resounds muffled.

"Then I guess I need to up the disciplinary measures." Pike reaches for one of the lube bottles that are placed strategically all over the apartment and quickly coats the paddle's handle. Then he draws it through Kirk's crack. "Misbehaving boys need to be taught a lesson. Need to learn to take things up the ass." He's never been big in dirty talk, not like this, and he's not completely sure it will work out, but a quiet moan and the way Kirk's ass shifts into his teasing are definitely a positive answer. The wooden handle slips in easily, and he smoothly fucks the hole with it, in and out under the sound layer of whimpers that his action evokes.

"Like it, cadet?"

"Yes, sir. More, please, sir." What a plea in every word, going right into Pike's dick. He'd love to get his lover on all fours and screw his brain out, but he's got that feeling of weakness spreading in his legs again, probably from Kirk's weight on them, and he wouldn't be able to sustain active fucking for long enough. So when he draws out the handle with a slightly popping sound, he orders instead, "Get up on your knees, eyes down." Briefly supporting Kirk's move up, he throws away the paddle and then brings his hands to his own erection, lubing it up under Kirk's heated gaze.

"You're going to sit down on me, ride me."

Kirk hums in acknowledgment, licking his lips.

_Jim finally lost his voice_, Pike thinks amused, but the second his lover kneels over him and takes his dick up the ass in one swift move right to the hilt, Pike is rather out of articulate words himself. With his hands on Pike's shoulders, Kirk rides him in a powerful, energetic rhythm, putting every damn muscle in his well-trained body to good use. Yesterday, Pike would mostly have thought of his own currently lost ability to ride anyone like this but _damn it_, as long as he gets it up at all, he's not complaining anymore.

"You're so hot," he rasps, his hands stroking up and down Kirk's chest. "Fucking hottest cadet I ever had."

Kirk gasps and laughs. "Until Dael, at least."

Pike runs his hands lower, around the moving hips. "No. Even before I ever thought about fucking you, I could appreciate the way your body radiates sexuality. You're really something special."

"Hmmm, thanks for the compliment from the hottest admiral in the fleet." Kirk sinks down and pauses to lean forward into a kiss, capturing Pike's mouth to slip his tongue deep inside. Heat sweeps from Pike's head down to his toes, and all the pent-up arousal of the evening is unleashed — with only a few more pushes of Kirk's ass down his length he comes, arching and thrashing with a drawn-out growl that dies to a whimper when Kirk milks him down to the last drop with that gorgeous ass.

When Pike can think again, he puts his hand to work, tightening his hold on Kirk's leaking erection that's heavily resting against his groin. It doesn't need much — one circled sweep of his thumb, a few strokes — before Kirk follows Pike's lead, loudly riding out his orgasm that splashes hot come all over Pike's chest. With a deep sigh, Kirk sags forward at last, cradling Pike into another kiss before running gentle hands down his chest and distributing the sticky wetness all over his skin.

"And there I need to take yet another shower," Pike mutters in a fake complaint and combs his fingers through his lover's sweat-dampened hair.

"Love you, Chris," Kirk says quietly.

"I love you too, Jim."

"Not like you love them, but it's okay."

"When I'm with you, I love you the most," Pike says simply.

Kirk shudders tangibly. "Shit, Chris, that's the nicest thing you ever said to me."

"I thought that was the line about being proud. And I still am proud of you."

"Even after all my fuckups, the Borg and stealing your woman and almost getting Bones killed?"

Pike playfully tugs one earlobe. "Idiot." He draws a finger over Kirk's lips, keeping the man from replying with some shit. "Come on, let's shower together and then see where the others are."

Once again he needs a little support to walk, Kirk's arm around his waistline more than just a decorative touch, and the unease he'd felt upon similar moments within the last days returns with verve — there's no way around speaking with the doc about it tomorrow. But tonight, he finds their lovers are quite out of order, already sleeping side by side in the shady bedroom, PADDs slipped out of their hands.

The two newcomers shut off the quiet music from the console, get the technical gadgets out of the way and join them, climbing into the middle. Pike eases himself between Dael and Kirk, unwilling to keep his hands completely off the younger man right now. McCoy is on Kirk's other side, sleepily curling around his husband when he feels the mattress moving.

"Good night, lover-boy," Pike whispers and captures Kirk's mouth for a final, sweet kiss.

"That's not fair," Kirk says under his breath, rubbing a renewed erection against Pike's leg.

Pike smirks. "Tomorrow again." He puts his arm around Kirk's hips, cradling the ass cheek within his reach with his fingers. A deep-felt happiness mingled with profound relief fills his sense as he drifts into sleep, a smile on his lips.

*

When Pike wakes up on the next morning, it's to McCoy kneeling over him and kissing him awake like in some romance movie — not that Pike would ever watch one on his own free will.

"Huh?" is what consequently leaves Pike's lips.

"I'm just damn happy, that's all," McCoy mutters, sinking down next to Pike with one warm arm over his chest, nuzzling his nose against Pike's shoulder. "Dael's gone to the academy, said she left a note for you in your inbox. Jim's gone to a meeting with Nogura regarding the funeral that's going to take place tomorrow afternoon, he'll inform us later about the details."

"So that leaves the two of us," Pike says, drawing a line with his forefinger along McCoy's eyebrow.

"Yes." McCoy places a kiss on Pike's skin. "And we've got an appointment with Naaz at Starfleet Medical."

"Really?" Pike says stiffly, although he'd seen it coming – _hell_, he's been ready to ask for a check himself, but it feels differently to be kind of ordered to it.

"Yes. She called me because your signals were a little strange lately. She might be onto something, I just scanned you and the numbers are slightly over the place. Did you experience any discomfort lately?"

"Aside from feeling a lot more unstable on my legs than I've felt for a while? No." Pike sighs. "Can I have some coffee first?"

"Sorry, no," McCoy says apologizing. "We'd like to have you free of any chemicals aside from medication you're on."

"All right." Pike wants to get up, but McCoy's arm keeps him firmly in place.

"We've got an hour left," his lover mutters. "Let's enjoy ourselves for a moment."

"No sex before my first coffee," Pike states.

"Liar — but I don't want sex, I just want to enjoy being here with you," the doc says and tightens his hold. Pike gives in and relaxes into the embrace, almost instantly drifting back into a light sleep.

*

It's worse than usual, and considering that Pike is really used to getting poked and prodded at SFM, that's got to count for something. It feels as if the doctors launch every physical examination method within their reach at him, and he tries switching off because it makes him nervous. Just from the sheer amount of checks he realizes that Anumanchi and McCoy are taking his current problems damn seriously, and whenever he sees them at a distance, discussing some data with each other and further doctors he only knows by sight, they've got their eyebrows furrowed in thought. Now he's been sitting in an empty waiting corner for ten minutes, and doesn't like the expression on their faces at all when they finally join him, sitting down opposite to him.

"Chris —" McCoy clears his throat, then starts again. "Your data is inconclusive. That's not necessarily a bad sign, but it's not necessarily a good sign either. We're through with most tests, so there's only one thing left to try — we'd like to put you into the neural stabilizer."

Pike feels his blood draining from his face. It's one thing to land on the table when his life is in acute danger, but he's not that bad off — is he?

"Just for two or three hours," Anumanchi chimes in, her dark eyes resting on him in quiet sympathy. "It's a test, not a treatment."

"Three hours at most?" Pike repeats a little sharply, wishing he could walk away if he doesn't like their answer; but who is he kidding, he's got two of the best experts on his case and when they want to subject him to yet another treatment, he doesn't have many options aside of sucking up worse problems in the future, and he enjoys his life right now. Walking on his own legs, having good sex — he's not ready for a permanent place in nursery care yet. He wipes his hand over his face, feeling sweat breaking.

"Three hours, I promise," Anumanchi says, McCoy nodding at her side in confirmation. "Then you're free to get as much coffee as you need." She twinkles.

Pike inhales deeply, preparing himself for the upcoming challenge. "Okay, fine. I'm all yours." He bites his lip when they put him down on the sadly familiar table twenty minutes later, easing him into the apparatus.

"Anything you need?" McCoy asks him softly once he's all locked in, and Pike replies without thinking, "I wish Dael were here," instantly regretting it because it makes it sound as if he doesn't appreciate McCoy's presence. But right now they're doctor and patient, and he could badly use Dael for creature comfort — he's practically conditioned to crave her, considering that she's been with him through both treatment rounds in the past.

The expected frown on McCoy's face doesn't appear — if anything, his gaze softens some more. "I'll see what I can do." Then he leans down for a kiss. "We're busy but you're being monitored; if anything feels wrong, just speak up and we'll be here in a minute. Or would you rather be sedated? It wouldn't be optimal for the scan but if you want to —"

"No, thanks, I'm fine," Pike states. _For very relative values of fine. _

They clasp hands for another moment, then McCoy is gone and Pike tries to relax his body. He sighs as he stares up at the ceiling, determinedly setting his jaw. He'll survive.

*

He must have dozed off after a while, because the next time he opens his eyes, there's an instant movement close to him and then Dael leans over him, her patterns taking him by shocked surprise for a tiny moment before he exhales with a sigh, welcoming her kiss.

"Darling," he rasps, throat dry.

"Christopher…" she whispers, kissing him again. It's almost good enough to make him forget his uncomfortable position. "You're almost done, they should be here any second."

"Music to my ears," he mutters. True to her words, the doctors are on him minutes later, checking the panels before freeing him out of the torturous device. Once they're sure that he's fine, they leave him alone with Dael in an empty office, claiming they need another half an hour to have a closer look at the data. There's water on the table and some cookies, but he can't bring himself to have more than a glass of the fluid.

Pike clasps Dael's hand — _too hard, too needy_, he thinks, but he doesn't like the growing feeling of foreboding, the tension that's been rising all through the procedures. When the doctors join them, drawing two chairs close, the expression on their faces tells him enough.

Anumanchi is the first to speak, and he focuses on her. "We've had a close look at all the examination results. I won't bother you with details, you can always ask Leonard for them. By normal medical standards, your data doesn't show significant changes, nothing out of ordinary fluctuations. On the other hand, in a case like yours even the smallest changes could be important, and the blackouts and your latest moments of failing control seem to indicate a decline of your health." She pauses for a moment, giving him the space to say something.

"So what do you want to do now?"

"We'd like to include another specialist team in the analysis, a research group in Australia. We'd make your data anonymous, so that nobody would know it's about you."

"Okay." Giving out his data surely doesn't hurt.

"And you'll have to come in for an extensive scan soon."

"Means what?"

"A full four days in SFM, at the very least. We'll try to cause a blackout and see whether we could improve your medication."

Pike's heart sinks as the feared procedure he'd escaped for a while finally seems to catch up with him. Dael tightens her hold on his hand, and it's an incredibly comforting gesture, a promise of support he badly needs right now. "Am I able to work during these days?"

"Maybe, but nothing promised," Anumanchi says a little evasively.

"Doc?" Pike looks at McCoy.

"It would be better to take medical leave for a week or two," McCoy says openly. "I'm sorry. Wish we had a clear answer for you, one way or the other, but we just don't have one yet. I know I joked about having worn you out at last, but there seems to be more behind your repeated moments of weakness, and we'd like to find out the reason rather sooner than later."

"I understand," Pike replies with a calm he doesn't feel. "Do we need to settle a date right now?" he asks Anumanchi.

"Not right now — I've got to see when we've got the capacity for it, and you'll have to settle your responsibilities, no doubt. For today, I'll leave you to the care of your partners." They all get up, and Anumanchi pulls him into a light embrace as they say good-bye. "Enjoy your leftover vacation, and don't worry too much, Chris."

"That's a little hard, considering your news," Pike mutters.

"As far as we can see, there's no immediate danger," she says soothingly. "So have a good time."

"Thanks." He pulls away, lacing his hand with Dael's again as they walk out of the office, leaving McCoy behind who wants to spend some more hours with Anumanchi and her research team.

"Do you want to go home?" Dael asks once they're out of the building, but Pike shakes his head. "Let's walk a little." As long as he still could walk. 

The weather is sunny but a little cool as they walk down the street together. He still holds her hand, her touch grounding his inner self that is shaken from the news.

"Did you even have breakfast?" she asks after a while.

"No, the doc wanted me to fast and right now I'm really not hungry."

"Well, I am hungry, so let's have something," Dael says and steers him into one of the fashionable cafés and up to the second floor. The windows offer a great view over the street, and they have a cup of coffee and a piece of cake together on her insistence. It does him some good, but his mood is still largely in the gutter, only beginning to improve when they're at home and in bed again. He curls around her, drifting asleep to her fingertips drawing circles on his forehead.

*

It's already early evening when Pike wakes up again to a lonely bed, and after a brief detour to the restroom, he dresses in protectors and slacks and goes to find the others. In the kitchen, the doc is stirring in a pot, charmingly underdressed in boxer shorts only.

"Chris — how are you?" McCoy asks him lightly, though hidden concern colors the question.

"Could be worse," Pike settles with, and takes a spoon to taste from the food. McCoy growls a little but then moves closer to him, comfortingly pressing his body against Pike's back. Lips find his neck, grazing over his skin.

"You know I'll do anything in my power to help you," the doc whispers in his ear.

"I know. Let it rest for tonight, please." Pike turns and presses his mouth on the full lips of his lover, sweeping his tongue between them. His hands run down McCoy's chest, reveling in the warm, naked skin.

They freeze as the door bell rings.

"Your apartment has become quite a popular place," McCoy says with a low chuckle.

Pike shakes his head in disbelief and walks to the main door to open it.

"John!" He gapes when he recognizes his friend, then tenses when he remembers their last meeting. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize." Farnham is dressed for going out, fashionable in blue and orange under a dark long coat, but he's also stiff and standing overly straight.

"In that case — come on in," Pike says and lets him pass. He'd thought about Farnham's scene once in a while but had never found the time to contact him, at last deciding to call him after the departure of the _Enterprise_ men. It's actually a lot better, though, to get the thing cleared while they are still here.

"Let's talk," he says and leads Farnham out to the terrace, given that most rooms are occupied and the bedroom would be suggesting the wrong things.

"I'm so damn sorry, Chris," Farnham says. "I know I fucked up big time." He smiles crookedly. "Not that I even remember most of what I said but people relayed some of it back to me so I know it must have been really bad."

"What was eating you that night?" Pike asks. "Because your behavior was completely unusual for you. I heard it had to do with Eric —?"

"Not really." Farnham shrugs. "Okay, a little maybe."

"Come on, tell me."

Farnham's gaze drifts out into the evening sky. "You remember when you asked me about the biggest disaster I've ever experienced on a mission? Planet going all downhill in civil war because of my mistakes?" He looks back at Pike. "I was on a mission recently, similar to it, and this time I thought I'd be a little more inventive in my solutions."

"Oh." Pike can only guess what _inventive_ might mean here, but Farnham's words imply that he strongly bent the rules, probably in rather illegal ways. "Let me guess — it backfired?"

"Well." Farnham laughs roughly. "Peace is restored, most people are happy. The government, though, needed a scapegoat for certain events that didn't look good in the headlines, and as I was the one warping the original orders, my superiors readily delivered my ass. So I'm grounded right now, while an internal commission is combing through my life's work and trying to find enough material to get me booted."

"Shit. And I stabbed right into that wound with my statement that night," Pike says ruefully.

Farnham nods. "But at least I've got a good conscience," he says ironically.

"You didn't sound like a man with a good conscience back in the club."

"That was before Eric gave me a piece of his mind." Farnham combs through his hair. "Hell, Chris, just like you I basically lived for my work. Losing it all of a sudden — I really didn't know how to deal with that. Treated Eric so badly that he walked out on me, which only made it worse. So when I saw you sitting there, looking so happy and relaxed with Kirk, it just killed me."

"Why didn't you call me for a talk?" Pike asks.

"I tried a few times but never got through, so I guessed you were busy."

Pike nods, remembering his secluded state before the arrival of his lovers with a slightly guilty conscience. "Yes, I was. Sorry about that."

Farnham shakes his head. "I'm the only one who's got to be sorry for anything. But getting kicked out of the club threw me out of my loop of self-misery. Eric and I are together again, and as for the job — well, there are more jobs in the world. We'll see how it ends."

"If you need anything…" Pike says.

"Thanks. Right now, I mostly want to apologize to Kirk. Wouldn't want him or any of your tribe think that I'm just a big asshole."

"You're not, John," Pike says, and draws his friend into a hug. "I'm really glad you came here tonight. Let's go in and see the others."

When they walk inside, McCoy is lingering in the corridor. Pike introduces him to Farnham and they shake hands, the touch brief and their eyes cautious.

"Jim — a visitor for you," Pike says as they walk into the office. Kirk gets up with an alert gaze.

"Captain, I wanted to apologize to you," Farnham says. "I've behaved unacceptably back in the club, and I'm sorry for that. I promise that I won't cause another uproar."

From behind, Dael joins them, and Pike turns a little to put one arm around her hip. Farnham sweeps his gaze over the couple, then looks back at the _Enterprise_ men.

"Actually, I guess you all should receive an apology from me. I don't know whether Chris told you much about me, but we've been friends for most of our lives. To be frank, I've been interested in him since our academy time but never managed to capture his interest to the depth you did. I regret that this caused some tension between us lately. I promise that this won't happen in the future."

"Well — what can I say?" Kirk takes Farnham's hand to shake it. "We all have bad times once in a while. Apology accepted."

"Thank you." Farnham looks decidedly relieved.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Pike offers. "It will be ready in a moment."

"Thanks Chris, but no thanks. I'm on my way to a party with Eric. He's waiting in the car."

"Okay." Pike walks Farnham to the door. "Give him my regards — and next time, bring him up. I really like him."

"I know." Farnham captures his hand. "When they're gone, maybe we could go out together, the four of us. If Dael would like to join in…"

"I'll ask her," Pike agrees, not too sure whether it would be a good combination but willing to accept the inherent peace offer.

"Fine. Have a good evening." Farnham nods and leaves.

When Pike returns to the office, all three are still standing there, falling into a suspicious silence upon his entry. They don't say anything else about Farnham as they walk over to the kitchen, but much later in bed, in a quiet minute, Kirk leans over to Pike and whispers, "I like John when he's not drunk. In fact, he's hot. Think I could borrow him next time we're here?"

"Over my dead body," Pike states under his breath, and it's not really a joke.

"Just kidding," Kirk murmurs soothingly but still grins. "Just wanted to test what happened to _nothing exclusive_ and _no rules attached_."

"Ass."

Next to them, McCoy grunts. "Get quiet, guys, I need my beauty sleep."

"We're talking about serious things," Kirk says admonishingly.

"We're all too sleepy for that," McCoy mutters but turns his gaze towards them.

"If you want to hear it, I'm damn exclusive with the three of you right now and I've currently no intention to change that," Pike says. "However, that doesn't mean that you've got to see it the same." At his other side, Dael shifts a little but from her breathing, she's truly asleep.

"Good. Because I couldn't promise any exclusivity." Kirk curls against him.

"I know." Pike strokes through the blond hair. Above Kirk's body, the doc's eyes meets Pike's, and they say so fucking much regarding McCoy's emotional involvement with them that words are unnecessary. With his other hand, Pike reaches out, and McCoy takes it to press a kiss on his palm.

*

Nothing like a funeral day to remind one of how close life and death really are.

For Pike, life on this day means spending the morning in the city with his lovers. Kirk and McCoy had finally decided to go furniture shopping for their room, and although Pike and Dael hadn't been too keen on joining them for the task, Kirk had talked them into it.

It turns out to be a surprisingly funny experience, with lots of McCoy's trademark eye rolling when Kirk jumps onto yet another bed to test its fuckability. And of course, basically all sales personnel is confused about their constellation so they end up walking in couples, Pike keeping a little in the background with his arm around Dael's shoulder in an unambiguous claim. They find a few things too, including one interestingly formed, rather flexible chair that by common vote is absolutely made for sex, so they buy it for the living room. The furniture wouldn't be delivered before the men's departure, but Pike would make sure that next time they'd be on Earth, everything would be ready for them.

The reminder of death comes in the afternoon, when Admiral Barnett is buried on Starfleet Cemetery Central in a large, official ceremony. The men are in full dress uniforms, and Dael wears a fitting dress cadet uniform for once, which showcases her overly thin body. Pike definitely prefers her usual looks, and state as much to Kirk when they walk to the grave.

The captain eyes him thoughtfully. "Your uniform had a better fit in the past too."

"Lost a little weight over the last weeks," Pike says under his breath, wishing he'd never commented on Dael's figure. "Nothing serious." It's been mostly muscles, which actually is a little serious, but he'd deal with it after the vacation and he doesn't need Kirk to play doctor with him.

Once they reach the first line of people, Dael swiftly says, "See you later" and takes position in the back row among some junior officers and a few cadets. The men move forward, Pike joining the second row behind the family and the highest representatives, while Kirk and McCoy take a place among the guard of honor. They are well in time, the places still filling; but everyone is silent.

The ceremony goes smoothly, although it's a little overblown and pathetic in Pike's opinion, and he wonders if he should note in his last will that he'd prefer it a little more down-to-Earth style. Or maybe a wild sex orgy — would definitely be more fun for all participants. After the closing, he takes his time to wait until the largest crowd has passed the widow.

"Suzanne, my deepest condolences," Pike says quietly as he takes her into a heartfelt embrace, repeating the words he'd already said to her in a call. Then he looks at her, adding, "You seem to be taking it well. I'm glad."

"His death came as a release," she answers sadly, pressing his hand. "I know you still had hope, but I'd given up already two months ago."

"I hoped for a miracle," Pike replies with a fatalistic shrug. "I only wish it had taken place." He sees Dael drawing close and waves her to join him, wondering for a moment how to introduce her.

"You've got to be Cadet Dael," Suzanne Barnett says without ado, catching them both by surprise, and shakes her hand. "I've heard about you — Richard was really curious but Chris never wanted to share. Thank you so much for coming. My husband would've been delighted to see you."

From behind her shoulder, Pike can see Kirk's gaze, a slightly daring smirk saying "_see, it's not as complicated as you make it_". But he can also see Barnett's daughter, at least ten years older than Dael, frowning at them out of the corner of his eyes. It may not be as hard as he sometimes thinks, but it's far from being normal by Earth standards, and he's obviously far too attuned to criticism when it comes to anything he considers private.

_Hell_, Pike thinks as he has a sudden realization right there on the green. That's the damn point, and the solution is simple and straightforward — once he'd see his relationship as the public affair it'd already become, he'd probably stop feeling weird. Like Farnham once said, he'd never had a problem with making hard decisions and living with them in his professional career, and while it's a strange thought that a loving relationship should be considered a "hard decision", if that's what his brain needs, so be it.

"And of course —" he waves at Kirk and McCoy, deciding to go straight ahead with his new-found epiphany — "you know my other partners, Captain Jim Kirk of the Enterprise and his husband Leonard McCoy."

Kirk stares at him with wide blue eyes, and for the fraction of the second Pike wonders if this had been too much of a gamble — but then the captain smoothly makes that extra step forward and shakes Mrs. Barnett's hand, exchanging the fitting words of commiseration.

McCoy is still frozen in barely hidden disbelief, his mouth slightly agape, and it needs Kirk's elbow in his ribs to bring him out of the stupor and follow through with his own handshake.

"We'll move to the reception soon," Suzanne says. "I hope you'll join us."

"Of course," Pike replies, dying of amusement when his lovers gape at him again, because they'd actually decided beforehand that they'd bow out as soon as possible.

"I can't believe you did that," McCoy rasps when they walk to the ground transportation spot.

"You better believe it, because I'm going to go through with that today," Pike says challengingly. "You're coming, darling?" he asks Dael, offering his arm, and while her gaze definitely wavers between shock and awe, she doesn't hesitate to join his side.

"You're okay with that?" McCoy asks Kirk in disbelief.

"I think it's the best idea Chris ever had," the captain says and laces his arm into McCoy's.

*

"You know —" McCoy drawls from his position in the arm chair some hours later, out of jacket with his expensive shirt half unbuttoned, "the moment you said that to Mrs. Barnett, you could've knocked me out with a feather, to borrow a Scotty catchphrase. But I almost got used to it after the fifth time you presented us like that. Almost! Jesus, I've never been ogled like that on _any_ Starfleet reception, not even the one for the heroes back then."

"Richard would have loved it," Pike states, a glass of bourbon in his hand, filled by the doc himself, his other arm lazily wrapped around Dael. "He always told me that an old guy hooking up with a young girl is rather normal, and he's been sadly right. Whenever I introduced Dael as my partner, people looked a little strange for a moment but then took it in a stride. Most seemed to have heard about the cadet with the Romulan tattoos anyway, so seeing her with me seemed to be weird, but acceptable."

Pike is bending the truth a little; there had been a few statements — not into his face but in a way he couldn't avoid hearing them — where people had sourly commented on his obvious leaning for teenagers, wondering whether he'd hooked up with other cadets in the past. In an unspoken agreement, the three men also had made sure that Dael wouldn't be cornered by certain people. Not that they think a woman needs extra protection, but Dael lacks their experience in dealing with the fineries of 'fleet asshattery, and they'd wanted her to have a safe, successful start in their circle, now that Pike had laid their relationship out on a plate.

Pike focuses back on the assembled listeners. "But when I introduced you all…"

"Yes, you could practically pick up people's jaw from the floor," Kirk says amused. "That was really shocking news. I overheard a couple of people muttering something about _Andorian mores_. Guess they meant it insulting, but after my experience with the fuming Andorian ambassador when I wed a couple of just two persons, they're taking their mores as important as humans do. One planet's good taste is still another planet's deadly sin." Kirk takes a gulp from his second glass of bourbon. "But there were also others, who looked more amused than surprised. That former CMO of yours —"

"Philip Boyce," Pike helps out.

"He congratulated me, said we obviously did a good job in making you a man at last." Kirk giggles, waving his glass around.

McCoy rolls his eyes. "Commodore Decker pulled me aside to tell me about the foursome relationship he and his wife had with a Betazoid Ambassador and his male partner a few years ago. He was wallowing in memories for the better quarter of an hour, and I really didn't want to know that many details!"

Dael lifts her head, looking at Pike. "A lieutenant I shall not name told me confidentially that she had a rather unsatisfying affair with a married admiral all through the academy. Now she wishes it had been you instead."

"Hear, hear." Kirk laughs at Pike's sour expression. "Our mighty savior of cadets."

Pike shakes his head. "A lieutenant commander that shall not be named either told me about his complex relationship arrangement which includes six people and associated others that serve on various ships, and how they manage to keep up the relationship anyway."

"Six, phew. Guess that means we could still raise the quota." Kirk pours another drink. "Maybe we should invite Spock and Uhura in." At McCoy's glare, Kirk laughs again. "Just kidding, Bones. If anyone, I'd rather want Sulu and Chekov, but they're ridiculously mono."

"Watch your words, Jim," Pike says in playful admonishment. "I've been mono, as you call it, for the longest time."

"You'd want to get back to that?" Kirk asks, suddenly serious, and all eyes turn towards Pike.

"I had moments in which I thought it would be easier — more manageable," Pike admits. "But it would also mean denying myself many wonderful moments with wonderful people." He smiles at them all. "We've got a marvelous relationship going, and it's worth a little heartbreak once in a while."

McCoy raises his glass. "Truer words were never spoken," he drawls and downs the golden liquor.

"And now," Pike states and unlaces from Dael to get up, "I think it's time."

"Yes, I think so too," Kirk agrees and stands up to join him in the middle of the room.

"What?" McCoy looks up from his empty glass, his eyes moving back and forth between the two men.

"I've got enough of that empty field in my personal profile," Pike states. "I think it's time we fill it."

McCoy looks warily, and Pike moves over to him, bending low to whisper in his ear, "Despite what you said to me a few days ago, and you were quite right about the possible problems, this is the best thing to do." He draws back a little to meet the doc's eyes. "I want it really badly. I want to see all your names in it, because everything else would be a lie. After today, I'm done with hiding our relationship."

Pike turns towards Dael. "You're in, darling?"

She looks up from the couch, her tattoos dancing a little while she chews over her answer, arms tightly clutched around one leg folded against her chest.

"All or nobody," Pike says. "That also means that everyone is free to say no. But I really would love doing it."

Kirk offers her his hand. "What Chris says. Please, say yes."

"I didn't expect this at all." She doesn't look convinced. "You are inebriated."

"I only had one sip," Pike replies. "The doc can testify."

She looks over to McCoy. "Leonard…?"

McCoy waves his hand. "What can I say? They're not drunk, they're just as nuts as always! I should never have hooked up with command track, you give them your little finger and next thing you know, you're getting hitched at gun point." He knocks back his glass.

"Problem is, I could never really say _no_ to either." With a suffering sigh, McCoy gets up. "So let's do it." Then he pulls Dael up from the couch, who's too surprised to resist.

"I know you want it," the doc quietly says to her.

"Do I?" she replies challengingly.

"Yes." McCoy smiles, then turns to his men. "Come on," he says and walks out of the room.

"You could still say no," Pike says as he captures her hand.

Dael stares after McCoy. "Why does Leonard think I want to do this?"

Kirk puts his hands on her shoulders from behind. "It doesn't matter why he thinks it. It only matters whether he's right. You're probably the one on which this has the most impact, so it's logical that your vote is going to be the final vote."

"It's not fair to say _all or nobody_ and then push the responsibility into my lap," she sourly accuses Pike.

"No, it's not," Pike admits. "But I've told myself for long enough that my relationship with Jim and Leonard won't last, and later on, that _our_ relationship couldn't possibly last either. I'm tired of my own negative attitude. I _want_ the four of us to stay together for a long time, and because of that, putting you all in as my partners has become really important to me." He takes her in his arms, cradling the back of her head as he looks into her eyes.

"All or nobody, I mean it. You've got to be in it, because I love you and I need you."

"That's not fair either," she mutters but yields to his embrace at last.

Pike smiles. "What?"

"Appealing to my… "

"Your what?"

"Ah, _lluadh-nis_." With verve, she draws out of his arms and stomps out of the room.

_Shit. _

"Guess it was the wrong move," Pike says flatly. Not that he'd understood her expression, but a swearword sounds like a swearword in almost any language in the universe.

Kirk supportively touches his upper arm. "Can't blame you for trying, Chris. I still think it's a wonderful idea."

"Seems you're the only one." Pike sighs, his mood rapidly sobering. He really should have learned by now that relationships don't simply work on command but it seems to be a lesson he needs to repeat every so often. "Let's find the doc and go to bed."

They walk to the office together, completely baffled by the view that opens to them when they're over the threshold.

"We're done — your turn," McCoy says from the chair, with Dael sitting in his lap and just saving her updated data. "Come on."

Dael slips off him, making room for Kirk who sits down on his husband, quickly opening his own profile.

"I don't —" Pike starts with a frown but she draws him into a deep kiss. When she releases him, he tries again.

"I really —" She kisses him again, and he gives up asking for an explanation.

Kirk just saves his data, three neat names in the field "partner(s)". As the one official partnership, McCoy's name is prominently formatted, and for a fleeting moment, Pike wishes they'd all have that status.

Next time, maybe.

When Kirk vacates his place, Pike looks down on the seated man. "Come on," the doc repeats and invitingly raps his thighs. Pike shrugs and takes a seat, opening his own profile.

_Dael, James T. Kirk, Leonard H. McCoy_ he types in, adding an apologizing, "It's sorted alphabetically."

"I try not to feel insulted now," the doc mutters, turning the chair a little to look at the input. Warm hands slip under Pike's shirt, stroking his sides. With suddenly trembling fingers, Pike saves the update, then looks at the other two.

"Thank you," he says, his voice a little unsteady. "That means more to me than I can put into words."

"Jesus, this evening's been schmaltzy enough to give me a cholesterol shock," McCoy groans. "Let's go get the bourbon and a bed and have a party."

"That's a plan," Kirk cheers, and lifts Dael into his arms, carrying her off under her subdued squeals.

"Don't even think of it," Pike says amused as he gets up from the chair, the doc swiftly following him.

"Nay, you're not a lightweight like her," McCoy replies with a smirk and drags him to bed on his own two legs, where they _almost_ find the perfect position for a mixed foursome to blow their brains away.

*

Then it's suddenly the morning of their last day together, and Kirk and McCoy take another trip to wherever while Pike needs to hit his office and Dael has some appointments at the academy. They all want to meet at around 1700 in their apartment, but shortly after four in the afternoon, Pike receives a message that makes him call McCoy. He reaches him already at home.

"I got a note from Dael that Jim and she will be out together and back home at 2300. We should have a good time until then."

"Yes, Jim just delivered me here and then left with a similar statement," McCoy says over the connection. "Looks like the kids teamed up on us."

"Yes. So — what are we going to do?"

"Meet at home, see what we feel like doing." McCoy smiles. "I've got to say that I hoped we'd have some more time just for us. Hope you don't mind that."

"Oh, totally," Pike says mockingly. "I have no clue what we should do with five hours all to ourselves."

"I'd like to take you out. You know, really classy."

"You've got strange ideas," Pike says amused. "See you in half an hour."

McCoy is taking a shower when Pike arrives. He doesn't join him as they wouldn't last long if he did, but takes a lonely shower after the doc.

"I meant it with the taking out," McCoy says while watching Pike toweling himself. "We've never been on anything resembling a date in all our time together."

"I had the first true date in my life with Dael, and I don't need a lot of these in my life," Pike says. "Made me feel like a teenager, and I can really do without that."

"Not _that_ horrible kind of a date." McCoy draws close to face him. He puts his hands on Pike's upper arms, and Pike mirrors the touch.

"Just you and me going out and having fun," McCoy says softly.

"Now that sounds like a plan," Pike says.

They dress up, city-chic in black, dark blue and white, a combination that always works.

"By the way," McCoy says in between, "Admiral April and his wife sent me a message, belatedly congratulating Jim and me on our anniversary and that we should see them as the living example that this kind of relationship can work out."

Pike needs a moment to make the connection. "Ah, right, April married his CMO."

"Yes." McCoy looks at him. "April never contacted me before — it's not been your doing, was it?"

"No," Pike can reply truthfully. He barely knows April but the man is one of Nogura's best buddies, so he's got little doubt that the old, _fucking manipulative_ man had his fingers in this. As long as it encourages McCoy to stay on the _Enterprise_, though, Pike would keep his mouth shut.

Once they're dressed, McCoy walks up behind Pike, putting both hands onto his hips in a quiet caress. "You're ready?"

Pike looks into the mirror. Jim's been right, they really look good together — _fitting_. But something's missing, something Pike has thought about in random moments and all the way back home tonight.

"You still got the collar you put on me a few days ago?" he asks.

"Sure," McCoy replies with an instantly alert gaze.

"Put it on me." The dark-blue buttoned shirt Pike had selected has a rather high collar, the necklace would be invisible once it is all buttoned up.

On his hips, McCoy's hands tighten their hold. "You sure about it?"

"I am."

Pike remains waiting in front of the mirror, listening to the steps that move out of the room and then back in, the tiny click of the lock getting opened.

"Turn to me, please," McCoy says a little roughly, and when Pike faces him, McCoy carefully puts on the collar around his neck. Before locking it, he gives Pike another questioning gaze.

"It's serious for me," McCoy says.

"I know. It's serious for me too." Pike stands straight.

"For as long as you wear it, I'll see myself in control."

"Yes." Their gazes lock in a dare, grey-blue and brown-green.

"Until we're back home, or until you say that it's enough. You know you can always do that."

"Yes."

McCoy nods sharply, then closes the lock. Pike takes a deep breath.

"You really don't know what you do to me," McCoy mutters and draws his thumb over Pike's bottom lip, a gesture the doc seems to have become quite enamored with — not that Pike feels like complaining.

"So I guess the evening planning is all on me?"

Pike smirks.

"Great." McCoy looks excited. "Wait in the living room, I'll get things arranged."

_There's something to be said for being out of responsibility and just going with the flow_, Pike thinks as he settles on the couch in the living room. Out of habit he picks a PADD and goes through a few messages, but then quickly puts it aside. He's looking forward to a few hours just with Leonard, and the world wouldn't end just because he doesn't answer a request or two.

He twiddles his thumbs, listening to the faint noises of someone going through cupboards. When McCoy appears, he's got a small bag slung over his shoulder. "Come on."

They're already at the main door when McCoy stops him. "Wait a second." With sure fingers, he buttons up Pike's shirt. "Better," he says after a last glance up and down Pike's figure. "Let's go, a cab is waiting for us."

True to his words, the cab is already in front of the house. Pike sits down in the back, joined seconds later by McCoy.

"Spread your legs for me," McCoy says huskily, and Pike leans back into the comfy seat and angles his knees to the sides. He closes his eyes as McCoy's hand settles on his groin, cupping it with just the right pressure. "You're so damn hot, Chris. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed with you for a full day, doing nothing but make love to you, talk to you, sleep next to you."

"We could've stayed at home," Pike says amused.

"Not tonight — I've got better plans."

From the sound of the cab, they've got to be on a highway, but Pike is too lazy and relaxed to spy out of the window. McCoy's hand lies on his groin, heavy and hot, their knees slightly touching. He's a bit startled when McCoy suddenly moves and kisses him, but instantly opens to the probing tongue. The action goes straight to his dick, and the doc looks rather smug when they finally stop, giving his bulge a playful pat.

When he gets out of the car, Pike finds himself in front of the Starlight Tower. He's never been here, but the restaurant on its top has a certain reputation.

"The _Grande Opera_?" Pike asks as they walk into the turbolift. "It's one of the most expensive places in town." And with a waiting list to Mars.

"Contrary to what you seem to think of me, I'm not actually starving," McCoy mutters. "And I'm more than happy to spend a few bucks on you."

The restaurant looks like a theater, with tables instead of seats in the middle and maybe fourteen rows of loges along the large, curved hall. In front, there's a real stage with live music, currently showing some Klingon opera. The waitress is a two meter tall diva in blue and gold and sails away in front of them along curved corridors to show them to their box. It's small but beautifully decorated, featuring a dark red velvet couch in the form of a half circle equipped with several cushions, a small round antique wooden table in its front, and dark red gaze curtains left and right of the translucent force field. The walls are painted in something resembling Art Nouveau, the live singing an audible but not overly loud background sound.

"The standard setting is opaque from the outside, translucent from inside, but you can change it here at the small console at the side," the waitress explains. "You can also order with it, or call in for a voice order in any Federation language. The sound setting is on the bottom."

"Fine, thanks." When she's left, McCoy moves the table aside to make room in front of the couch. Once he sits, he gestures to the floor.

"Kneel down."

Pike obediently gets down. It's one of the better side effects of his brain trouble that kneeling is a lot more comfortable with the protectors, though he still wouldn't mind a cushion and says so. McCoy offers him two, then leans over to the console to order without consulting with Pike.

Once the order is out, McCoy turns back to him. "Come closer," he says and pats his thighs. Pike moves forward until he's right in front of his lover.

"I've thought about that for a while," McCoy starts and reaches into his bag.

Pike can't help smirking. "You said that already a few times in this vacation — are you only thinking of kinky sex with me?"

"Not only, but more than it's good for me," McCoy admits. "In every combination, though having you on your knees in front of me is rather high up on the list." He pulls a blindfold out of the bag.

"You can always say stop," he repeats the statement from back home when he puts the blindfold in place.

"I know," Pike replies. The darkness settles gently, taking yet another degree of freedom from him. Under normal circumstances, he'd have a big problem with that, but tonight, it's been his very active decision to go that route, and unless the doc makes something that triggers him — which Pike really hopes won't happen — he's all set out to enjoy being out of responsibility.

Handcuffs are next, tying his wrists together behind his back; they're light and comfortable but make their point with the locking sound that resonates in the loge. McCoy's fingers drift over his face, caressing him, drawing over his lips and at last pushing into his mouth, not too deep. He licks and sucks them, taking in their smell and taste, just a tad of soap.

There's the sound of beaming, and McCoy chuckles and draws away. "They beam in the order! I can't believe it. That's the most hedonist temple I've ever seen." Glass clinks on glass as the doc moves to pour something to drink.

"Apple juice for you. There's even a bottling year and place on it. Jesus."

"I hope it's 2254 San Jose, that's been especially good," Pike says.

"You're kidding."

"I'm not."

The doc moves. "It's 2250, India, but I hope you'll like it anyway." Pike expects a glass or a straw, but instead he gets pulled into a kiss, taken aback when McCoy feeds him a tiny amount of juice right from his mouth. He jerks away his head, swallowing quickly.

"How is it?" McCoy asks rather clinically.

"Borderline," Pike rasps. _Fucking game. _

"But it didn't trigger you."

"No," Pike states. _Not yet. _

McCoy's hand nudges his shoulder. "I love feeding you. I want to have dinner with you my way. There are many interesting things on the table, and I want to feed them to you, out of my hand. I promise there's nothing in it that will remind you of _you-know-what_. If you don't like something, just spit it out."

"You're unbelievable," Pike says, with more than a little unwilling admiration because the doc is possibly the only man who'd even try to sell trauma therapy to him as a kinky scene… and makes him go with it.

"If you want to bow out, I'll remove the blindfold and you can eat out of a bowl."

Not a really tempting alternative, and what the heck, he can do it. Pursing his lips, Pike nods. "Carry on with your original plan, doc. But if you make me have another panic attack, you won't get another chance for your feeding fetish _ever again_."

"Okay." The doc moves, and Pike involuntarily holds his breath through the sound of metal scraping along real porcelain.

"Move forward… yes… open your mouth, test it with your tongue… fine." McCoy gently directs him and Pike follows the words, fighting down his nerviness. It smells sweet and fruity. It's —

"Apple tart." Pike picks the piece from McCoy's hand with his lips, licking the palm clean from any residual sugar afterwards. Not all food would be that easy and to his liking, but he's relieved that he's passed the first test. "And a damn good one."

"Everything here is damn good," McCoy agrees. "Glad you liked my choice." He cradles Pike's face and guides him into another kiss, this time without juice.

"I think you're overdressed," the doc then states and unbuttons the shirt to shift it down Pike's shoulders and arms. The fabric pools above his tied wrists, making Pike feel unusually naked and exposed. He presses his lips together when McCoy's hand ghosts over his left nipple.

"Be glad I don't have the clamps with me," he can hear the doc mutter. "Though I don't want to hurt you tonight… not really, at least." Fingers unexpectedly capture both nubs and squeeze them to the edge of discomfort. Pike gasps a little, mostly due to the surprise, and follows the pull towards the fingers' owner.

"Tonight I want to make you feel good," McCoy says, lips close to his mouth. "Want to please you." The fingers release his nipples and move up to his neck instead, brushing along the metal. "Because having you all to myself is a rare gift."

Pike shivers a little. He really would deal better with something as simple as pain than with this depth of emotions that keeps emanating from the doc in such moments.

"I know you don't want to hear that," McCoy states and moves. "I know you so well, Chris, because we're so alike in some ways."

If the doc waits for an answer, Pike won't grant him one — but maybe the doc doesn't wait anyway, because the next thing is yet another food getting fed to him. This time it comes with a spicy smell, a little salty in the taste, at last crisp in his mouth.

"Nice — potato chips?" Pike says after licking the palm clean once again.

"Almost. Russian nachos."

"Russian??"

"Actually no," McCoy chuckles. "But it's become a running gag on the Enterprise, because Chekov recently claimed after his fifth scotch that Nachos were invented in Russia. The boy's really funny at times."

"The boy is a grown man, doc," Pike says amused.

"He'll always be seventeen to me," McCoy grunts.

_That explains a whole lot about the doc's attitude to Dael_, Pike thinks. It's probably a wonder that the two have managed to find any common ground, which mostly seems to consist of looking after Pike and giving in to any strange idea Kirk might have.

There are more dishes moved on the table, and McCoy picks up speed, feeding him sweet and salty food in a nice mix. Andorian sushi and Moscow vodka cherries; Vulcan plomeek soup (what a mess in a hand) and Swiss chocolate tart, Australian vegetarian kangaroo (mind-boggling concept but great taste) and the Andorian version of vanilla ice cream, Tellarite unicorn, and rare French cheese at last (Pike is glad to be spared the looks of it, because he has his suspicions).

Considering that they haven't eaten a lot, Pike is rather full at the end of the feeding buffet — and he's gone through it without any danger, aside from getting that juice mouth-fed to him in the beginning, something McCoy thankfully didn't repeat over the course of the evening. It's definitely a small victory.

When McCoy removes the handcuffs and the blindfold and orders him to close his shirt, Pike is almost unwilling to leave the comfortable state of being he's in. He trails behind McCoy when they leave the _Grande Opera_, trying hard not to look at the check that the doc pays with a wave of his credit chip, but it's definitely of four digits in length.

"Didn't know I'm worth that much to you," Pike can't help teasing as they're in yet another cab, McCoy's arm possessively around his shoulder. He looks at his lover and waits for the typical eye roll, but instead he gets another intense gaze that makes him quickly look away, out of the window. The move bares his neck to the doc, and Pike closes his eyes as overly hot lips descend and place gentle kisses on his skin. It's on the edge of _too much_, and maybe the doc can feel it in his tensing body, because seconds later, the lips are gone.

When the cab stops again, they're in front of another club, _The Laughing Vulcan_.

Pike draws a face at the somehow inappropriate name, but follows McCoy's long steps towards the entry. "What's next on the list?"

McCoy doesn't grant him an answer right away, only captures his hand and nudges it in a wordless _trust me_ gesture. Once the doc pays the entry fee, they're walking right into what could only be described as dance palace, all in red velvet and silver brocade with traditional illumination. McCoy leads him towards a bar in the back of the large hall, ordering two alcohol-free drinks for them. Pike scans the other guests, and they're almost exclusively human of the middle-aged, middle-class kind, with him and McCoy the only homosexual couple around, from what Pike can see in the niches and on the dance floor. The music is rather old-fashioned, but not old-fashioned enough to be considered _golden oldies_ yet.

"What are we doing here?" Pike asks again.

McCoy sips at his drink. "Just wanted to take you to a place I'd always wanted to go to." He puts on hand on Pike's knee, a gesture that causes a few glances from a nearby group of men and women, as Pike well notices. He looks down on his drink with a frown, his grip on the glass tightening. He feels decidedly out of sync with the whole location, which reminds him of events that had been forced on him in his youth. He'd never again set a foot in a location like that except for official reasons or during missions, and given his experience tonight, this is definitely his last foray into places like this one.

"Doc —" he starts, but then a new song begins, an almost bearable hit from a few years ago, and McCoy pulls him onto the dance floor.

"I always wanted to do this," the doc says with gleaming eyes, which makes this very much _not_ the moment to tell the doc how much he dislikes the place; instead Pike bites the bullet and follows his lead.

Last time Pike had danced, it was with Farnham at Nat's wedding, so dancing with McCoy tonight brings up some strange feelings. McCoy is a better dancer than Pike would've thought but then, knowledge of the most popular dances within the Federation is expected from officers. There's even an academy class for it, much to the chagrin of many cadets. Pike struggles a little with getting his legs sorted; he's never danced the traditional female part before, and McCoy — of course — forces him through the waltz, rumba and aninai, one of the fashionable imported Orion dances.

Pike feels the gazes of the audience on his back like phasers, but McCoy seems to be completely ignorant of the situation. Or maybe McCoy knows and is more of a gay revolutionary than Pike would've had granted him — Pike isn't sure he wants to know the answer. When he's got some concentration left to scan the audience, he recognizes a few faces. _Just great. _

"This dance is all about you swinging your hips," McCoy admonishes him halfway through the aninai, and it's the straw that breaks the camel's back.

"You can swing all you want, I won't," Pike states coolly.

"You won't?" McCoy shakes his head. "And here I thought I could order you around as long as you carry the collar."

"I could give you a blowjob in the restroom," Pike suggests helpfully. "But I won't make an ass of myself on this dance floor, not when I work with at least one person in the audience."

"Oh, who?"

"My assistant is sitting a few tables away."

"Okay, point taken," McCoy says and guides them from middle of the room into a more hidden corner.

"Guess we should leave soon anyway," McCoy say wistfully. "It's almost half past ten." The doc calls a cab and Pike is glad to escape yet another attempt at dancing.

*

When they come home at a quarter to eleven, they are the first ones there. McCoy removes the collar, this time a little more ceremoniously with Pike kneeling in front of him. Then they take a brief shower, trying to get back to normal.

"How did you like it?" McCoy asks the question at last once they're toweling themselves dry.

"Not sure," Pike admits. "At times it was fine… at other times, strange." When McCoy looks disappointed, he adds, "Maybe when I'm in another mood. It's been an intense time with you, and I'm slowly running out of energy. Juggling so many emotions is hard for me."

"Okay," McCoy says, but still sounds unhappy. Pike pulls him into an embrace and a kiss.

"I don't want to lie, doc — I wanted the collar and it felt okay. I was willing to test things. I just didn't like to dance there. I keep being nervous about my legs giving out and I still don't like being so much on display with my lovers, no matter their gender. I've been always a private man — maybe you can't remember that because you've seen me in many other situations by now, but it's only due to you and Jim that I put as much of myself on display as I do right now."

"You're right," McCoy murmurs. "I keep forgetting that these things are really challenging to you. Jim's a damn exhibitionist, he'd probably have stripped on that dance floor."

"And he would have flirted with the women in the audience."

"Sure."

Pike shakes his head. "Doc, I'm not that kind of guy. I don't even flirt with men, and I most definitely don't flirt with women, and I don't put on a show. That place you took me to just rung all the wrong bells for me."

McCoy puts the towels aside. "Huh, okay. Didn't think it was that bad. I liked the place but I could see it wasn't your thing."

"Do you like my club?" Pike asks straight ahead. "Be open — do you like it?"

The doc visibly flounders. "Well, it's not the kind of club I'd go to on my own, but with you and Jim —"

"And it's been the same for me in that dance palace. We're coming from different sides of the gender orientation spectrum, and I'm not as flexible as Jim."

"I'm sorry." McCoy takes him into an embrace. "Guess I wanted too much."

"Maybe, yes." Pike spreads his hands over the doc's ass, bringing their groins together. "But I really liked the _Grande Opera_. That's been a good choice… and a very nice game."

McCoy relaxes slightly, his hand massaging Pike's shoulders. "I'm glad I didn't trigger anything. It's been my biggest concern but feeding's really a little kink of mine."

"Obviously." Pike runs his hands up and down McCoy' back. "Let's enjoy our last minutes all to ourselves. They should be here any second." He pulls the doc into a deep kiss to show him that despite the mixed experience of the evening, all is fine.

True to his words, the apartment door soon opens and Kirk appears in the bedroom door, smiling at them as they move out of their embrace without losing touch.

Pike squints at the empty corridor behind him. "Where did you leave Dael?"

"She excused herself," Kirk says and gets out of his shoes.

"What?" Pike stares at him.

"She bowed out for tonight. She hopes we have a good time." There goes Kirk's shirt, the pants quickly following.

"Did anything happen?"

Kirk strips out of his underwear and socks, carelessly throwing it onto the pile he created on the floor. "Nothing happened," he says soothingly. "She just wanted us to enjoy our last evening together. She's fine, and she said that we couldn't have done a better job at making her feel welcome, but she really wants us to have the last night to ourselves." He draws up to Pike, putting a warm hand on his chest.

"If you doubt my words, you're free to call her, but she's been very determined not to join in tonight. And I think you should grant her her own decision."

Pike can't simply shake off the strange feeling he has over the news. "I'll make that call," he states, and stalks out to the office. Kirk doesn't hold him back.

"Dael, what's wrong?" he says when she answers his call. She's obviously in some club, her face framed by flickering lights and loud music in the background — possibly Arissa's club.

"Nothing's wrong, Christopher," she says, her voice unusually soft. "Everything is fine."

"Then why don't you come home tonight?"

"Because I want you to have your men all to yourself. You've been wonderful," she adds when he's about to contradict her, "and it's been some of the best days in my life, but they are still _your_ men. I know it's different with me in the mix. Go and have fun, I'll see you tomorrow morning. And I promise to be all chaste." She smiles, her dimples creating interesting ripples in the dark patterns.

"Damn, Dael," he mutters. "You don't have to promise me any such thing."

"Okay, then I'll just promise to be home tomorrow morning. Have fun." She blows a kiss at him, then closes the connection and doesn't accept another call from him.

_Outmaneuvered._

Not too happy about this he walks back to the bedroom, but when he finds his men spread out on the mattress, side by side with legs slightly entangled, their erections strong and proud jutting out from their fists, he decides that since he can't change it anyway, he might as well keep going with the flow.

"Come to us, Chris," Kirk says, and he crawls onto the bed, joining them.

*

_Dael was right_, Pike thinks when he lays on the bed an hour later with a cushion supporting his head, McCoy crouched over him on all fours. It is different, not the least because the doc is more relaxed and open. In this case literally, thanks to Kirk's fingers in his ass. Kirk is in the lead, and Pike is fine with it; having watched the man play out his authority a few times in recordings and once in a joined night, he knows he's in for a treat. And it's much safer than playing with the doc, as Kirk's few orders for Pike are always more like suggestions, staying far away from any challenging aspects.

"I'll open you up for Chris. Make you ready for him. Want to watch you take his dick up your ass and ride him." Each of Kirk's words causes a little gasp in McCoy; makes his shoulders sag a little in anticipation and surrender.

Pike licks his lips, still the taste of the doc on them; he'd first sucked him close to orgasm, then given him a long, deep rim job, something McCoy rarely allowed to happen. Tonight, though, McCoy definitely isn't set out for resistance and it shows in all the many ways he surrenders to his husband's whims. Pike marvels at the sight. So often his lover fights him all the way — and Pike loves their battle of wills, no doubt — but there's something breathtakingly touching about seeing the doc yield like this, driven by his bottomless love for his husband. It's once again there, that aura of _Jim&amp;Bones_, of just belonging together, that Pike had witnessed back at their mountain retreat, but this time he can just enjoy it in awe and shared compassion.

He's at peace — well, maybe at a really excited peace with his hand around his dick, keeping it hard and aroused which is easy from the prospect of Leonard riding him soon. The pleasant tension runs all down his legs and up to his stomach, and his dick jumps excitedly when the doc crawls over him, putting kisses all over his skin. The man's a gift, both men are, and he runs both hands over the doc's body, whimpering a little as Kirk takes his erection in hand and stimulates him further.

"Careful, please," Pike gasps, and the touch moves to his balls instead, the sight blocked by the doc's body, all broad chest and pronounced arm muscles.

"Get down on him, Bones. Ride him," Kirk orders, and Pike holds his breath as McCoy slowly sinks down on his dick, tightly burying it inside his snug ass.

"Chris…" McCoy whispers, voice shaken.

"Love you too, doc," Pike whispers back throatily, lacing one hand into McCoy's head to pull him into a kiss. His tongue pushes in, hard and demanding, and he keeps his hold when McCoy starts to move, fucking himself on Pike's dick with little groans and whimpers that feed Pike's own arousal like wind feeds a wildfire. At last he releases his grip so that McCoy can sit upright, ride him harder. He captures the doc's hands, never letting his eyes drift from the intense gaze of his wonderful lover — watches the doc slowly falling apart, his movements becoming more erratic with every glide downwards.

Then it's suddenly too much, and Pike comes forcefully, thrashing upwards in jerky movements until he's all done and spent, his dick getting soft and slipping out of McCoy. As most times, the doc hasn't come from the ride alone and now leans over him with a shaky breath, his leaking dick drawing a slick circle on Pike's stomach.

"So hot," Kirk mutters from behind the doc, followed by the tiny sounds of kisses.

"Yeah," Pike agrees, still breathing heavily. He pulls McCoy down into another kiss, and the doc gets on all fours for it, which brings his ass into optimal position for Kirk.

"Fuck, Bones, you're so ready, all lubed up by Chris' come." Without further preamble, Kirk takes a hold on the doc's hips and pushes in. McCoy groans into Pike's mouth, then sinks down on his elbows, his head on Pike's shoulder facing away from him. Pike runs his hand over the sweaty skin, caressing every bit within his reach while watching Kirk making love to their lover.

"_Yes_ —" Kirk's drawn-out, satisfied moan indicates his orgasm much sooner than expected, and Kirk sinks forward, putting his arms around McCoy's waist, hands somewhere higher.

"Jim, please, need to come," McCoy begs shakily.

"Not yet, Bones, not yet." Out of breath, Kirk pulls away, motioning his husband to sprawl onto the bed on his back.

McCoy's erection is in full bloom, every vein pronounced, and Pike's balls twitch in sympathy of how much orgasm denial could ache.

"Lick him clean, Chris," Kirk says huskily. For a second, Pike is surprised, not having expected this; but then the idea goes straight down to his dick. He crawls between McCoy's spread legs, lifting McCoy's knees so that he can reach the slick skin between his thighs more easily, and then licks the sticky wetness off him stripe by stripe, come and lube and whatever else there's in the mix. Licks from the soft skin of the inner thighs up to the elongated sack, making the balls dance under his tongue. Circles the rougher skin around the hole and finally dips his tongue into the puckered muscle, greedily eating out everything he can reach.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_, comes from McCoy's lips in a steady stream, and Pike smirks against McCoy's groin as he places a last kiss on the ignored erection, then moves upwards and claims a kiss from his resistant lover, feeding the mix of tastes into his unwelcoming mouth.

"You're disgusting," McCoy whines when he pulls back.

"Sometimes," Pike admits and reaches out for his nearby juice bottle, taking some gulps himself before keeping one in his mouth to feed the doc with it, much like the doc had fed him only hours ago. McCoy accepts the liquid instantly, moving it back and forth in his mouth to flush away the come taste before swallowing it.

Pike rolls off to the side and looks around to find Kirk next to them, half-raised on one elbow, his other hand loosely on his pulsing erection. "Hottest show I've had in a long time." Kirk stills his movement with a hungry sigh, then gets up on his knees and reaches for a condom and a small bottle.

"We bought it yesterday. It's even better stuff than the cream we got from you last time," Kirk explains under Pike's questioning gaze as he first puts on the condom, then generously lubes himself up with the liquid. "Goes straight to the prostate and does magical things to it, right, Bones?"

The doc bites his lip, not fast enough to keep the needy whimper down.

"Get on your knees, hands to the headboard," Kirk orders McCoy, and the doc scrambles up and turns around, presenting his incredible ass.

"I'm going to fuck you until you come, no matter how long it takes," Kirk proclaims, and moves behind his husband to slowly insert himself into the still wet hole. "Going to ride you so hard, give Chris a damn good show." Kirk rotates his hips, a throaty moan the welcome answer. "Want you to make all those needy noises, just like that. Want to make you plead and beg but nobody is going to touch your dick. I'm going to ride you until you get off just like that, just from my dick riding your well-fucked ass."

McCoy hangs his head between his outstretched arms, holding onto the headboard for dear life as Kirk starts taking him in earnest, long hard strokes that have got to feel like getting pierced. Pike is curled next to them, one hand cradling his own soft erection which despite the mind-blowing view is a little undecided whether it should get up again. His eyes keep straining to the moving hips; obviously his brain wants to focus on the porn more than on the marvelous expression on his lover's faces, McCoy's slightly open lips and closed eyes, his face contorted from half arousal, half sweet pain as the ride goes on. Kirk's eyes are open, the man all concentrated body in action, a rhythm so steady that you could write music for it. _A veritable fucking machine_, Pike can't help thinking, and it's obviously the thought his dick needed because now it twitches and rises a little, and he runs his hand along its length with a sigh. It won't be enough for another ride, and from the look on his men's faces, they would be more than done when they're through with this one, but oh, he really wants to come again.

"Come on, Bones," Kirk grunts after a while, obviously getting a little sore despite the original proclamation of endless fucking. "Come on and get off, because if I come before you, I'm not going to let you come anyway. If I come before you, I'm going to pull out and tie you down between us, hands up your head, plug in your ass to keep you wet and open, and then we'll take turns on you, going to fuck you all night until you come, all damn night and you can't do a thing about it, we just keep fucking you over and over again —"

With a garbled sound from deep his chest, McCoy arches, and with his leftover presence of mind, Pike puts one palm underneath the doc's dick, capturing the sperm that gets first shot out, then slowly dribbles out of the slit, captures it until the doc's all milked out and the couple stills.

"Look at me, doc," Pike rasps and gets up on his knees, the palm with the come lifted up to his chin. "Going to eat your come." He licks through it, the gelatinous mass sticking to his skin and tongue. "Yours, doc."

McCoy makes another strangled sound, then tilts his head and stretches out his tongue in a pleading gesture.

"You want some? Want to lick your come out of my hand?" Pike lifts it up, feeding the leftovers to the doc, smearing it over his mouth and cheeks before leaning over and licking it off again. Their tongues meet and deep inside his body, Pike can feel his own second orgasm approaching, fighting its way through his exhausted body, along overworked nerves. Then there's suddenly Kirk behind him, taking a hold on his dick and jerking him off with sure movements. The wave springs quickly, harshly, drowning Pike in a storm of colors and sounds and smells until he wavers back to reality, sandwiched between his supportive lovers.

They all ease down onto the mattress, and _spent_ is too weak a word for how they feel.

"You're unbelievable," McCoy mutters. "Just… fuck."

"Yeah," Kirk mumbles with effort, and Pike simply resigns to a grunt.

They fall asleep, messy as they are, and wake up a few hours later, taking a really necessary shower before changing the bedding and getting back to sleep, curling around each other to enjoy their last hours together.

*

It's early morning, and Pike is instantly awake when he hears the long-awaited sound of the main door. Seconds later, Dael is standing on the threshold to the bedroom, looking at them with a smile.

"Come here," he whispers and waves her inside, relieved when she joins them without ado. She strips out of her clothes and slips into bed at his side. "Darling…" he buries his nose in her hair when she crawls into his arms, holding her tight. "Everything okay?"

"Yes." She sighs happily, then yawns.

"Did you get any sleep?" he whispers.

"No. Did you?" He can feel her smirk against his skin.

"A few hours." He strokes her back for a moment, then drifts back into sleep. He wakes up next to the sound of the shower and the smell of fresh coffee. "Rise and shine," a fresh-smelling Kirk says and holds a tray with four cups for them. Dael uncurls and sits up, taking one; Pike takes another.

"Good morning, sweethearts," McCoy states as he comes in from the bathroom, toweling his body. He's visibly awake and ready for the day, the man that surrendered in sweet abandon last night hidden again behind the necessary walls they all built around their emotions. They wouldn't be able to function otherwise. On this brand new morning, they're all back to being Starfleet officers, having a last coffee together before his men pack their bags and fly away. There are brief kisses and hugs, shared on the way to the shower, in the corridor; moments of leaning against each other, listening to words that don't say much, don't go deep.

It's only when they're all at the 'fleet shuttle airport, quickly passing through the checkpoints on Pike's helpful authorization into a secluded waiting area, that the atmosphere changes tangibly.

"Going to have a minute with Dael," McCoy proclaims without preamble and takes her aside. Pike and Kirk watch them for a second, then turn around to face each other, a little bit at loss. Kirk clears his throat.

"Chris — there's something you should know about Dael." Kirk hesitates.

On this opening, Pike can't help tensing a little, bracing himself for bad news. "Yes?"

"She doesn't have a regular wingman."

"For Advanced Flight or in her year?" Pike asks.

"Both. I wasn't sure whether I should tell you but it's not something she told me in confidence — I mostly deduced it from her stories. I'd prefer you not to mention me when you bring up the theme, but I think you should know."

_Damn_. Virtually everyone has a wingman in their second year; it's the best friend or buddy or at least someone you'd want to rely on for missed classes or a coffee in the cadet's mess. He had John, Jim had Bones. Even the less popular cadets bonded one way or the other. Without a wingman, academy life it is not just tough, it's hell, and while Pike could be a lot of things, he's not a cadet in her year and track so he just can't fill that slot.

"Think she ever had one?" _Before getting in a relationship with me and ending in the yellow press_, is what Pike doesn't voice. He remembers her roommate from the first year but that had ended quickly and Pike had actually been in favor of that development back then. He hadn't thought it would leave Dael without anybody at all. She'd managed to hide the truth behind the few friends she'd made in the club and her relationship with Caitleen, but these couldn't make up for a missing wingman either.

Kirk shakes his head once more. "Not sure, but I doubt that."

"Not good," Pike says flatly. "Not good at all." He feels decidedly guilty; after all his concerns about how the brass would accept their relationship, it's clear he'd overlooked the much more important aspect of her academy year colleagues. On the other hand, he could only deal with things that are reported to him, so next time he'd know to try harder to get the truth out of her.

"That's why I told you. Don't know what you could do about it, but I wanted you to know. She's such a great person. She doesn't deserve that."

"Thanks for telling me, Jim," Pike says. He agrees, he doesn't have a clue either what he could do about it, but it's better to know it.

Kirk gently touches his upper arm. "Chris — you're doing a great job with keeping out of her academy life, and I understand that you don't want to be accused of favoritism. But I also know that when she was your protégée, you managed to make some small maneuvers to help her, with the club job and the drive to the graves and all. It's perfectly alright to do the same for your lover. Partners are supposed to support each other, and she does a great job. Don't let her fight all her battles on her own."

Pike nods. "I know. I need to find more balance." He covers Kirk's hand with his own, unlacing it from his arm and placing a kiss into the palm. "Thank you, Jim," he rasps, placing another kiss onto the fingertips before looking up from them.

"I've got to thank you," Kirk says almost coyly. "You were fabulous."

Pike captures Kirk's chin, drawing him close. "I knew I would ruin something wonderful if I couldn't get my act together. Leonard helped a lot." He licks over the inviting lips, then leans forward to slip his tongue inside. "Chris…" Kirk soon moans and pushes him a little away, adjusting his uniform. "We've got to leave in a few minutes and I'd rather not fight a hard-on half the shuttle ride."

"Why, you're not having sex with the doc in the closet anymore?" Pike asks amused, placing a few kisses along the chin.

"Well — sometimes," Kirk admits with a grin. His eyes brighten, and Pike turns his head to see McCoy and Dael walking towards them, not quite hand in hand but comfortably close.

"What do you think they talked about?" Kirk asks.

Pike shrugs. "I have no idea, and I won't ask." Despite Kirk's attempt to stay away from him, his lover now has one hand on Pike's ass, which brings the subject of untimely erections to his mind too.

The two reach them and part to join their live-in partners.

"Stop kissing my husband," McCoy states amused and slips his own tongue into Kirk's mouth, keeping him in check when he tries to pull away.

"Damn, Bones," Kirk mutters huskily afterwards, and uncomfortably shifts his position. Above them, a light flashes before the speaker announces that the shuttle is ready for being boarded.

"Guess we've got to go," McCoy states superfluously. He sighs audibly as he parts from Kirk and gives Dael a hug and a kiss on her forehead. "Take care, kid." He smiles at her slight glare, patting her head. "Sorry for teasing you but you are a kid, compared to the old man next to you." McCoy moves to Pike, and their hands automatically find each other. "I hate to leave you," the doc admits quietly. "But I'm glad to know you won't be alone."

One of his hands moves to the back of Pike's head, cradling it so that they end forehead to forehead. "Love you so much, Chris," McCoy whispers.

"I love you too, Leonard." Pike closes his eyes. "Take care of Jim. I want you to come back in good health, both of you." Their lips meet tenderly with just a bit of tongue and a _fucking_ lot of emotion that's getting to Pike more than it should, an instant heat spreading in his chest. He draws away, giving McCoy's hand a last squeeze before moving on to Kirk who just releases Dael from a rather long, intense kiss.

"I'll keep him safe for you," Kirk says with a gleam in his eyes as they hug and kiss.

"No, Jim," Pike states. "You keep him safe for _us_. In the future, I'll read every damn mission report of you in time and don't you dare to break my brain. Promise me to be careful."

Kirk gives him a lopsided smile. "I try, Chris, but you know how it is…"

"Yes, I do." Pike brushes through the captain's hair. "Give the _Enterprise_ a hug from me."

"Sure." There's a last eye contact, and a last squeeze of hands, and then they leave, two regal 'fleet men walking towards the shuttle bay in long, energetic steps and soon vanishing behind closing doors.

"They're gone," Pike says, his heart heavy — but then he meets Dael's eyes, and yes, they are gone, but he still isn't alone, and that makes a hell of a difference. He blinks, pushing the damn teary feeling into the back of his mind. Bad enough that they just had a good-bye worth of a Hollywood cliché right on a Starfleet shuttle point, now he was in acute danger of falling apart.

_Really, a damn sap. _

In a sudden decision, he takes her hand. "Let's go out."

"I thought we'd go home again." Dael stifles a yawn. "I'm dead tired."

"It's a bright day. We could go to a beach. Beam, actually."

She looks at him with a slightly concerned frown. "Your beam account will be depleted soon if you keep abusing it like this."

Pike doesn't tell her that if they want to go anywhere at all, they've got to beam because he's working on the edge of his energy. He had kept taking large bites from his limited resources over this vacation, and now he's paying for it, fully knowing that it's his own fault despite the fact that McCoy had never once chastised him for it.

But it's really a wonderful day, and he's not going cry over spilled milk; he could at least look up into the open sky with Dael and dream of being out there with them all.

"Come on," Pike repeats, and she yields to his determination.

Maybe he finally gets into the mood of showing off what he has, he thinks when they sit on a bench at the beach at last, resting his hand on her leg and licking a drop of ice cream from her lips, blind to any people passing by and uncaring of the future for a tiny, carefree moment.


End file.
